Girls on the Intarwebs

For those of you looking for love (in all the wrong places, I might add, but don’t listen to me), Hawty McBloggy has written ten ORIGINAL! pick-up lines specifically for Halo.

Another equally ineffective approach is outlined at in some experimental online dating profiles, ranging from The Actual Truth to Giving Up on Society. Somewhere in between those extremes is the fake profile of a Larper:

Although I’ve never actually had sex, I have played several video games that simulate the act, and feel that that experience, combined with my catlike reflexes, means I’ll have a pretty good handle on what’s going on.

Throw out a wide enough net and you’re bound to pull up some refuse.

Don’t Hate Me Because My Keyboard’s Beautiful

I don’t write about gear alot because it’s not really my deal. The hardware section is not my first choice when doing a thorough browse of my local Best Buy.

Not that you asked, but I’ll usually start off in the console games section, moving off into cellphones and iPod accessories, then a slow stroll past the camera equipment to reach the Wall of DVDs, followed by a careful scrutiny of CDs … must. resist. the. siren’s. song. of the boxed sets … into computer hardware and PC games, with the big finish in Plasma Televisions. The brief layover in hardware is mostly for my mental list of stuff to search for on

Like this recent acquisition … the Logitech G15 keyboard. Put plainly, this is the BEST KEYBOARD I HAVE EVER OWNED. And I’m like you, I use up keyboards almost as fast as mice (mouses?), so when a keyboard dies, I’ll race to Best Buy and tell Skippy to get me cheap, wired, in stock STAT!! Guild Raid!! No time to chat!

But this one … it’s the kind of keyboard you show off to the neighbors, even the homeless ones. “So anyways, if you ever do get a home, you should get one of these bad boys. Very nice.”

The other gear issue is, some of the Warcraft buds have been recruiting for their little Gears of War club. I feel obligated to give you a link for that, although I know everyone has heard about Gears of War by now. Even me, an MMO guy. (Here’s the link, BUT, it does a weird browser-size hijack so watch it: Link)

Problem #1: I do not own an Xbox 360.

Problem #2: I do not own Gears of War.

Problem #3: I am not made of money. I’ll drop half a mortgage on a plasma television that I’ll watch on Sundays, but $400 for one game? I’m balking. How good could this game be?

As I’m researching how much this non-MMORPG adventure would set me back, I browsed past all the Xbox 360 faceplate mods I could buy — I don’t want my Xbox to look like a Chrysler Town & Country, thankyouverymuch — until I spotted this: Pelican’s Design Your Own Faceplate.

I did not even know such a thing was possible. This really appeals to my basest of consumer instincts — now I want the Xbox just so I can have the $30 unique-to-me faceplate.

Or, how bout I turn the tables on that. I’m willing to sell space on my new Xbox faceplate for say … $200. When my neighbors and close friends come over to my home to watch me play Gears of War, your company has a captive audience for your marketing message. That’s value! I’m serving the drinks, I’ll open the Doritos bags, I’m going halfsey on the Xbox + Gears of War, you’re getting prime marketing real estate in my HOME.

For an extra $50, I’ll even comment on the faceplate every hour. “Those guys? Umm, Pennzoil is only the best motor oil on the market today, noob. How do you think those Gears of War keep turning? It’s with fine lubricants like Pennzoil.”

Non-motor oil advertisements are welcome as well.

Xbox Slayings

I must have been really busy in August 2004 that I missed this tangentially gaming-related crime: Four dudes, seeking to recover the one dude’s Xbox, beat six people to death with baseball bats. From the Wired article: “Investigators said they (the victims) had been terrorized for several days over the Xbox, which Victorino (the one dude) had left at another Deltona (Flordia) house where he had been squatting. The game system was taken by Belanger (a victim) when she cleared Victorino’s things out of her grandparents’ winter house.” Few lessons for us all here: someone starts terrorizing you over property (i.e. inanimate objects), give it back … at least pitch it out on the sidewalk … and, not to impune the victims here, but socializing with squatters is a bad idea. For one, they’re prone to overstaying their welcome at your house.