Like professional athletes, PC gamers need equipment tailored to their body and their individual playing style …

(Rory Dooley, Logitech senior vice president and general manager of the Control Devices business unit, on the recently introduced G9 laser gaming mouse.)

You probably agree with that 100 percent, don’t you? You’re not laughing right now because you’re a better person than me.

Someone else who’s a better person than me: anyone that can write 12 paragraphs about a gaming mouse and keyboard.

Most-ironic winning bidder would be one of the huge Warcraft gold sales sites. That would be win-win all around.

Today is the last day to purchase the expansion through Blizzard’s online store and receive it in time for live date, January 16th. You need a hard-copy to become BC-enabled. (Forum thread with phone numbers for questions, etc.)

I’ve been watching the ebay auctions of the Collector’s Edition, checking to see if any go for a crazy price. $200 and change is the craziest so far. (darn.)

Finally, in prep for a post-expansion crush of players, Castle Blizzard is testing out a new system to split realms. Although they’ve technically split realms before to a new server, (my server was a new server offered to several old, crowded ones), the new system is an opt-out system — you’ll go where they want you to go unless you choose otherwise.

When a realm is chosen to undergo a split, an in-game message at the character-selection screen will prompt all affected players to choose between one of the two new realms being created. The player will be able to make this decision (or change his or her decision) up until the realm-split process has been completed. The realm that the player chooses will be the destination for all characters that the player plays on that realm.

Or else:

If a realm is not chosen by the player, each character will be individually relocated to one of the two new realms based on a priority system. The system will first determine whether the character is in a guild and move the character based on the destination of the guild’s leader. If the character is not in a guild, the system will then check if the character is part of an arena team and move the character accordingly. If these conditions do not apply, Blizzard will make the decision for the character(s).

Not that you asked, but I’ll usually start off in the console games section, moving off into cellphones and iPod accessories, then a slow stroll past the camera equipment to reach the Wall of DVDs, followed by a careful scrutiny of CDs … must. resist. the. siren’s. song. of the boxed sets … into computer hardware and PC games, with the big finish in Plasma Televisions. The brief layover in hardware is mostly for my mental list of stuff to search for on Newegg.com.

Like this recent acquisition … the Logitech G15 keyboard. Put plainly, this is the BEST KEYBOARD I HAVE EVER OWNED. And I’m like you, I use up keyboards almost as fast as mice (mouses?), so when a keyboard dies, I’ll race to Best Buy and tell Skippy to get me cheap, wired, in stock STAT!! Guild Raid!! No time to chat!

But this one … it’s the kind of keyboard you show off to the neighbors, even the homeless ones. “So anyways, if you ever do get a home, you should get one of these bad boys. Very nice.”

The other gear issue is, some of the Warcraft buds have been recruiting for their little Gears of War club. I feel obligated to give you a link for that, although I know everyone has heard about Gears of War by now. Even me, an MMO guy. (Here’s the link, BUT, it does a weird browser-size hijack so watch it: Link)

Problem #1: I do not own an Xbox 360.

Problem #2: I do not own Gears of War.

Problem #3: I am not made of money. I’ll drop half a mortgage on a plasma television that I’ll watch on Sundays, but $400 for one game? I’m balking. How good could this game be?

As I’m researching how much this non-MMORPG adventure would set me back, I browsed past all the Xbox 360 faceplate mods I could buy — I don’t want my Xbox to look like a Chrysler Town & Country, thankyouverymuch — until I spotted this: Pelican’s Design Your Own Faceplate.

I did not even know such a thing was possible. This really appeals to my basest of consumer instincts — now I want the Xbox just so I can have the $30 unique-to-me faceplate.

Or, how bout I turn the tables on that. I’m willing to sell space on my new Xbox faceplate for say … $200. When my neighbors and close friends come over to my home to watch me play Gears of War, your company has a captive audience for your marketing message. That’s value! I’m serving the drinks, I’ll open the Doritos bags, I’m going halfsey on the Xbox + Gears of War, you’re getting prime marketing real estate in my HOME.

For an extra $50, I’ll even comment on the faceplate every hour. “Those guys? Umm, Pennzoil is only the best motor oil on the market today, noob. How do you think those Gears of War keep turning? It’s with fine lubricants like Pennzoil.”

Non-motor oil advertisements are welcome as well.

UPDATE 3:20 PM PST- We will be holding off on the complete migration to the new authentication system, so that we may do testing in a more “live” environment. We will engage in further testing of this new system during the time that PTRs are available and active. It will not be necessary to follow the step I outlined below. Again, the 1-5 PM window is no longer occurring, as previously described. See you on the PTRs!

UPDATE 2:00 PM PST- Authentication should be returned to normal operation for the time being. With more changes coming during maintenance, we recommend one piece of advice.

If you log in now, there is a good chance you will not encounter log in issues prior to the realms being taken down for maintenance.

At 1:00 AM PST on 5/15/06, we will be migrating data over to the new authentication system. If you have logged in prior to that time, cached data can help you log in to the game during the period of 1:00 AM to 5:00 AM, when we shut everything down for maintenance. If you play during the hours of 1:00 AM and 5:00 AM, it is recommended you log in before that time, so that you can prevent log in issues during this changeover.

——–

We are preparing to add and upgrade equipment on our Authentication service to improve the login process and other areas of performance which need attention. In preparation for this work, we will be making adjustments to the authentication process, taking place today up until approximately 1 PM PST. During this time, players may experience difficulty logging in. We will provide more information regarding improvements of authentication in the near future. Thanks for bearing with us.

2:00 pm PT?? — why the FUCK didn’t you call me on my cell and warn me? I could have had my neighbor run over to my house, use the super secret garage door code, toss a doggy snack to the enraged Labrador, look up my Warcraft password in my super secret book of passwords and ATM codes (aka The Keys to the Kingdom), log into my main Warcraft account and I’d be on easy street right now.

Seriously. He has nothing better to do during the day, he wouldn’t have minded.

(UPDATE: oh ffs. forums are down. don’t click on that link. UPDATE2: ffs, forums are up. How bout I archive the thread?)

I have 6 million subscribers, I’m my own ISP. I have 6 million subscribers, I’m not leaving the details to AT&T. I have 6 million subscribers, I’m my own service provider, I don’t have to call up Skippy to check on the connection.

I’m just saying.

Also, there’s more transfers available again there’s more transfers available again … I guess from PVE to PVP? I don’t work for these bastards and even I’m wondering how you can dump PVE characters on PVP realms without even … hell, I dunno … an excuse? (other than this one.)

In our ongoing efforts to improve gameplay performance, as previously discussed here, we will be opening realm-to-realm character transfers from select normal (PvE) realms to new PvP realms (listed below) on April 10 at 3:00 AM PDT. The PvP destination realms will be operating on the new hardware at our new World of Warcraft site. The decision to transfer from PvE to PvP in this particular case was made in hopes of increasing the number of players seeking to transfer, which will in effect help us further disperse our population.

Players on these four realms will have the opportunity to transfer to the PvP realm Black Dragonflight:

Hyjal
Lightbringer
Shadowsong (I didn’t keep up with all the cancelled DELAYED transfers, but THIS ONE was scheduled for a new, empty server, Norgannon)
Zul’jin

Players on these four realms will have the opportunity to transfer to the PvP realm Dalvengyr:

Alleria
Khaz’goroth (cancelled due to Oceanic somethingorother)
Hellscream
Whisperwind

The transfers are scheduled to close at 3:00 PM PDT on April 13. However, we urge any players who wish to transfer to do so at their earliest possible convenience, as transfers may be closed earlier than expected depending on volume. Please note that standard character creation will be disabled on the two destination realms until the transfer process has completed.

Also, as a reminder, our normal schedule for conducting character transfers between eligible realms is from 3:00 AM PDT to 3:00 PM PDT, Monday through Friday. That schedule will be in effect for as long as this upcoming transfer period remains active.

As more details become available, we will provide additional information about other such measures that we’re taking to address the performance issues that players on our high-population realms have been experiencing.

Possibly, they’re too busy with their Uther characters to explain every little thing to us.

Very little of this makes sense to me — mostly that 20+ realms have to be downed for (up to) 24 hours with four other realms migrating to new server hardware — but maybe it’s something that only hardware nerds would understand. Condolences and congrats as follows, per Blizzard drone, Ordinn:

First off, we’d like to thank everyone who helped us test our new hardware on the public test realms over the last month. The testing allowed us to move forward ahead of schedule with the improvements outlined at the beginning of March: (link). We were able to bring the new World of Warcraft site live more than a week early, which in turn allowed us to open 12 new realms over the last two weeks.

The next step in our ongoing efforts to increase game performance is to migrate a set of realms to the new site this Wednesday, April 5, beginning at 12:01 AM PST. The migration could take up to 24 hours to complete, so we will be crediting players with active accounts who had characters on these realms as of 12:01 PM Monday, April 3. The realms that will be affected are listed below.

The goal with this realm migration is to further balance our player population between multiple World of Warcraft sites. Our estimates about the noticeable impact of this individual procedure are conservative, but it is nevertheless a necessary step that will then allow us to move forward with the subsequent portions of our overall plan.

Following the migration, we plan to next week offer character transfers from existing realms to fresh realms located at the new World of Warcraft site. These transfers will allow additional players on realms that had been experiencing intermittent performance issues to continue their character progress on the new hardware. This will in effect help us further disperse our population and continue improving performance on our most severely affected realms.

We’ll provide you with additional status updates as often as possible as we continue implementing the plan we announced this past January (link).

Realms that will be down but not migrate:
Aggramar
Andorhal
Anetheron
Burning Blade
Burning Legion
Dentarg
Duskwood
Earthen Ring
Eonar
Eredar
Executus
Gilneas
Gorefiend
Haomarush
Kargath
Laughing Skull
Lightning’s Blade
Llane
Malygos
Scilla
Shadow Moon
Steamwheedle Cartel
Thunderhorn
Thunderlord
Turalyon
Ysera
Ysondre
Zuluhed

Realms that will migrate:
Archimonde
Dalaran
Khadgar
Mal’Ganis

Yes, that’s in a little less than 12 hours from now. Ordinn didn’t recommend this, but if I played on one of those realms, I’d empty game mailboxes, pull my auctions, make sure all my e-souls were firmly attached to their e-bodies and I’d log off early.

Accidents will happen and screenshots, petitions and emails have never saved me.