Category Archives: World of Warcraft Journal

Warcraft Night Elves have an Attitude Problem

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What is it the with NPC night elves in Warcraft?

Asshole Elves

Almost without exception, assholes, every one of ’em. Since player interaction with these pricks is limited to clicking “accept” or “continue” or “gimme my reward”, there’s no possibility of toying with them like in other games … kinda sucks the fun out of it.

/target Vish Kozus
Player: Hail, Vish Kozus!
Vish Kozus: I suppose you’re looking for [work]?
Player: Work for a prick like you? No thanks.
Vish Kozus: Fine. Do I need to bash you in the head with a [clue]?
Player: If his mistress is your wife, then I’ve got a big clue for you.
Vish Kozus: Fine. Do I need to bash you in the head with a [clue]?
Player: oh ffs.
Vish Kozus: Fine. Do I need to bash you in the head with a [clue]?
Player: What Clue? Idiot.
Vish Kozus: Very well, speak to Asshole Night Elf downstairs.
Player: Jeezus, another one?

The Endgame is a Goldmine

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Here’s some good news. I’m working on getting assigned to the (dreaded) groups 7 or 8 for our guild raids and I’ll tell you why: I want to live blog endgame Warcraft raids.

(Stop that! This can work.)

I’ve always known this could be a comedy goldmine, but sadly, I’m usually in groups 1 or 2 (out of the possible eight). Pressure. The weight of the world on us. All that. So I’m pushing to get into the (dreaded) groups 7 or 8.

As far as I’ve seen, groups 7 and/or 8 have pretty much NOTHING to do in the entire Warcraft endgame except throw their arms in the air, wail, gnash teeth, and blame groups 1 and 2 for not carrying the weight of the world. You can see the beauty here — I’m IDEAL for that role.

I expect it will go like this:

Raid: Ok, on time attendance log now.

Warlocks: WHAT THE???? Wait!!!!!!!!!! Leaving Ironforge now, hold attendance!!!

Raid: Get ready for buffs, gather.

Warlocks 1 and 2: Put me on log, have to get a few shards.

(Ya, none of us understands the whole warlock thing either. Why aren’t they the first to arrive? Why don’t they ever have shards, an essential component for their class-exclusive abilities??? We don’t know. They just don’t.)

The Whispercast Users: Whispercast — bla bla bla me bla bla bla buff bla bla tell bla bla maybe bla bla whatever. kthx.

(Whispercast is this buff mod whereby you send a tell to the buffer with the name — AND I MEAN THE EXACT NAME — of the desired buff, which he/she queues and fires at will. Because buffing is terribly complicated for these people. Ya, I don’t get that either.)

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The Hamlet of Dire Maul

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My server’s farmers are the worst. I swear, they’re always three weeks behind all the other Warcraft servers in finding dupes, exploits, cheats and other (ahem) clever tactics. Shameful.

Yesterday, hapless Blizzard Community Manager Caydiem posted a reminder to obey the TERMS OF USE and gave vague assurances that Blizzard, in all its wisdom and omnipotence, was working to investigate reported violations, yadda yadda yadda:

While we are for security reasons unable to give specifics on the actions we are taking against players who attempt to undermine the economy of the World of Warcraft realms, as well as those who attempt to use exploits or cheats to gain an unfair advantage over other players, we would like to make the following clear:

We take such issues extremely seriously, and we have dedicated teams working to combat these issues actively and aggressively. We will continue to do everything possible to prevent this type of activity by taking the strongest action against those in violation of our Terms of Use. Please rest assured that we will leave no stone unturned in our quest to remove these undesirable elements from the game, and we encourage and appreciate your vigilance in regard to any activity that you believe represents such an incident.

Duh? Why say anything at all? We know all that. Unless … unless something has happened to precipitate this friendly reminder.

Something like a problem with DIRE MAUL’S KING GORDOK???

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