Category Archives: World of Warcraft Journal

Warcraft Politics

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When I’m redoing the Warcraft noob instances for the 40th time, on the 6th alt, of the 2nd account, I can’t help but consider the political implications of my task at hand. Take the Stockades of Stormwind, for example. The objective is to kill all the prisoners of war in the dungeon. ??? They’ve lost control in the prison and their solution is to massacre the whole lot?

Geneva Convention violations

After this conflict is over, I’m not taking the heat for The Stormwind Stockades Massacre. I was just following orders.

I’m trying a new approach with the professional farmers in Warcraft. We’ve already established that I have no skillz at all with the Asian languages; they have trouble with English. Perhaps one of the European languages could be a middle ground.

Lo Siento

Spanish was a no go.

I can always fall back on the universal language that all humans understand. (No, it’s not love.)

Week of Fives: Day One

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… and we’re back.

Few changes ’round here: site upgraded to WordPress 2.0 (die evil hackers and evil spammers and evil spamming hackers!) and latest version of K2. Miss a day, miss a lot of site fixes! Just like MMOGs, blog software is perpetually in beta, so there may be broken stuff. I’ll get ’round to it eventually. Just like devs.

This week’s project: a different kind of Look Back at the Year 2005, which I will call the Week of Fives. Each day, you will find a list of five persons, places or things from 2005 that I want to remember FOREVER. When I get to the end of my life, not only do I want to think “Man, I really squandered my time on Earth”, but also I want to remember that I squandered that time mostly in games. Then I’ll die without giving away my stuff. Ha!

Today, Five Hated Players on My Warcraft Server:

1. The “I’m the smartest person on the Realm Forums” guy. I’m sure you have one of these guys on your WoW-EQ-EQII-UO-GW-SWG-etc servers, too, so you know the type. He responds to absolutely every thread AND authors a billion others dealing with the same topics raised in the original threads. If only he could confine himself to one thread per day, how much easier our lives would be.

Anyways, my forum whore likes to trot out this little stat each time he gets pwned via realm forum: I’m probably the smartest person on these boards. Then he’ll cite all of his almost-complete education credits, which he would have completed except the schools (yes, that’s plural) fucked him over.

But that’s not all! I know this guy in game, too. (Lucky me) He monopolizes the general chat channel with his unsolicited wisdom and advice where he has almost-credentials too: I was in the top guild on this server (till it imploded from drama THAT HE CREATED), I’m in the new top guild on this server (currently in implosion mode from drama THAT HE CREATED) and I’ve killed every mob that’s ever been.

Please. Die. Now.

This has been my passive-aggressive strat for dealing with this hosebag: every day before raid time, I take him off my ignore list. I go about my business in Ironforge prepping for the raid. If I see even one line of text come from his character before I fly out or when I fly back post-raid, I /ignore him. Even one “lol”, /ignore. Zero tolerance. Almost every day, he sees on his own screen “FotonRogue is now ignoring you.” Drives him nuts.

Sometimes he’ll have his friend (yes, that’s singular) bitch at me about the daily /ignores, but I just /ignore him too … until the next day, when the /ignore dance begins anew.

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Rage and Hate

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My latest “hiding from the Warcraft guild” alt, NoobWarlock, received his/her/its first gold solicitation last week:

Gold for Noobs

I’m so proud.

At the time, NoobWarlock was level 13 or some shit. An intelligent spam system might serve the gold sites better than a buckshot approach, but that’s just me overthinking the marketing behind the madness.

Raster, blog slave and Foton Guild Puppet (although he disputes that — ha!), is constantly bitching about this other warrior in our guild. Calls him “Mr. Can’t Hold Aggro” and “Sir StunnedAlot”. He’s tried to give the guy a few helpful hints, in a constructive manner, (which I can tell you is some doing for a guy like Raster), but all for naught. No improvement whatsoever.

“Have you tried Blood Rage?” (WoW Noob Lesson: Rage is the juice that a warrior uses for his leet moves. Although usually generated by taking hits, pre-combat rage can be made with Blood Rage.) “Blood rage is your friend.” “I use blood rage. I like it. So do the warlocks.” “You’ve got to have rage to get the hate.” “COULD YOU JUST USE GODDAMN BLOOD RAGE??”

Numerous tells and spiffy slogans later, the guy still begins every fight, no matter how critical, completely outta juice.

Sometimes, he finishes the fights without rage either which is a complete mystery to us.

Anyways, the guild was out in Silithus, summoning epic mobs for fun and faction, and Sir StunnedAlot (“S” in the screenie below) was on tank duty. Why wasn’t Raster tanking? I forget, but from this screenshot it looks like we were bitching in tells. Again.

Any chance that thing will be tanked soon?

God. We’re such dicks.