Today, Fives Ways I Would Abuse Power as a Game Employee, Developer, Designer, or Assistant to the Undersecretary of Orc Spell Effects:
1. The Server-wide Broadcast System. Usually reserved for important game announcements like: We know the game mail system is broken at the moment, hell if we can figure it out, but don’t delete your mail in the meantime because you will regret it and then we will laugh, I’d run roughshod over that system if ever the Undersecretary’s back was turned.
“We’re watching you ….” and “Aren’t you glad this isn’t Norrath (Azeroth) (Ascalon) (Camelot)?” and “Stop complaining about us in guild chat or your raid might have an unfortunate ‘accident'” and “Player64 is right. Player907 *is* a ninja, I saw the whole thing.”
2. My own Ego-NPC. FotonNPC, placed prominently in a major city, would interact with players via programmed scripts. (Yes, I know this has been done before, keep reading.) Any players that would /rude or /spit in my NPC’s vicinity would set off the “Time to Die, TargetPlayer!” script, where my NPC would give chase and wtfpwn with dual-wielded glowy swords and then /rude and /spit on their disrespectful corpses.
A few times a day, my NPC would also make a patrol of all the city’s dark corners and hidden passages and engage the wtfpwn script if any night elves were caught cybering, because that’s just weird and inappropriate in my city.
3. Chat Channel Vigilante. I would port to the major cities, hidden, and watch the chat channels for the lollerskaters, PVP whiners and other chat nuisances. Public chat abusers would get a special tell from GM-Foton: Greetings! You talk too much in public chat. Thanks!
I could just macro that so it wouldn’t take too much of my time. I’d have a separate macro, of course, for the players who offer their unsolicited opinions on every auction they see in the public channels: Greetings! How about you mind your own business? Thanks.
4. Raid Critic. I’d choose a server guild at random, port out to their instance hidden (duh), and sit and watch the show. Occasionally, I’d offer some tips and insights in /say, “There’s no way this is going to work” or “You need more healers. ALOT more healers.” Or, after a wipe, when they arrive back at the room of their untimely deaths, /say: Now THAT’S a lot of skeletons (corpses) (bodies)!!
5. One word: screenshots. Think of the screenshots I could gather of private conversations, dirty deals and unethical collusion between players, rivals and guilds then! Now, I’m somewhat limited to what happens within my circle of friends, enemies and guildmates … to have access to the whole chat system, I would indeed be a god.
Naturally, I’d publish all the good stuff on a super secret website under yet another super secret identity so everyone could enjoy.
I realize that all this could only end in tragedy, my ultimate dismissal, but what the hell — it’d be a great ride while it lasted.
