During a recent hiatus from the online bigs (SWG, EQ and DAoC), I ran across this little game called A Tale in the Desert. It had received a lot of positive press and came with a free 24-hour trial. No credit card required! Even better, since I usually forget to cancel subscriptions until years later when I wonder ‘what in the hell is this charge from Phat Gaimer Online?’. Honestly, I am a long time subscriber to the bigs not so much due to loyalty as absentmindedness.
I’d tell you the object of the game if I had figured it out. I THINK the object is to solve winky dinky puzzles and participate in grand role playing scenarios. Never mind that though, because I never got that far.
I started off on the noob island where I had to build a ship (somehow) to get to the Egypt mainland. Although it took me forever to gather all the supplies, craft rope and sails, build treasure chests to store all the crap I had to gather and craft, and solve about 395 other winky dinky puzzles, I did get off noob island and made it to my preselected area of the Egypt mainland … which was completely deserted except for some female-type that was greeting all the noobs that had accidentally selected her portion of the Egypt mainland.
She welcomed us to her area of Hell — I feigned AFK (which I excel at!) and eavesdropped on the other noobs asking for directions out of there. The nearest winky dinky puzzle houses were several regions away, and since I didn’t know how else to travel around the map (where is a damn druid when you need one?), I started hiking.
As far as I know, my character is still trying to hike up to the w-d-puzzle houses. I only watched myself run for an hour or so and gave up. I figured even if I did arrive, no way did I want to plant flax seed, weed, harvest, repeat. And no way was I going to spend even one dollar for the privilege.
I can’t figure out who this game would appeal to except people without jobs that are curious what a job is like. In that case, have at it — a job is real similar to that game, except it’s in the middle of Hell.
Author Archives: Foton
Ya, I’m That Stupid
Continued from Sony’s Vortex of Evil — The day after Sony makes their grand announcement that they won’t be fixing any of the shit they fucked up in the last year until they pump out their first SWG Demon Expansion, they post (with much fanfare and hoopla) that SWG players can sign up to beta test said Demon Expansion, The Jump to Lightspeed.
Of course, not everyone will be chosen. (O no!) And I must be at least 18. (O no!) And they want to install some spyware to crawl up my computer’s ass to check my system. (Check here to always trust content from Sony Entertainment! ya, right.) But I can be among the first to TRY OUT SPACESHIPS and LIVE THE STAR WARS DREAM! (fuck you.)
These are the same people that in one fell swoop decimated my SWG PvP guild the previous day, along with many other PvP guilds on all the servers, and now they’d like a hand in beta testing the expansion that killed PvP? These fuckers are like Tolkien’s Nazgul … neither living nor dead.
Frankly, I’m not sure they even need beta testers. It’s not like the product that emerges DIFFERS IN ANY DISCERNIBLE WAY from the beta. This is a company reknowned for their lack of response to the public. Why in the world would they be interested in input from those of us that know, and at times have loved, their game? In short, they aren’t.
They need beta testers? I need a Sony paycheck first before I’d waste time checking their code. They can take their Demon Expansion and shove it up their collective asses.
Sony’s Vortex of Evil
Sony and I haven’t been buddies, or even civil to each other, since they started making me lean into the punch. I’ve tried ducking, sometimes successfully, but time and again I keep taking it on the chin.
The punches I dread the most are their Demon Expansions, the Sony Left Hook. You know the type … buy the expansion and maybe some day you will unlock the content therein, m’lords and m’ladies. Fuck you.
Many in the gaming world have heard by now about their latest Demon Scam. Summary for those in the cheap seats: Sony has delayed the long-awaited revamp of the Star Wars Galaxies (SWG) combat and PVP system so they can release the first Demon Expansion, The Jump to Lightspeed, in time for those crucial Christmas sales.
Naturally, this caused mayhem and hysteria among the populace, cuz, umm, after all, a COMBAT SYSTEM is kind of critical in a game designed around a CIVIL WAR. Idiots.
Lest ye think me slow witted, I understand the business reasons for this decision. I know all about business and having to make a buck; despite my penchant for online gaming, I have to make a buck too. I’m just kind of old-fashioned since I believe the guy paying me a buck should be getting some value for his buck. Call me a crazy American.
I kinda saw this one coming from a long way down the tracks. I even dreaded the combat rebalance — Sony and I having that long history together, I just KNOW they’ll fuck us over, and often. Still, I feel bad for the new gamers. They took it on the chin.
By some guy’s count (maybe a catasser named Josh, who knows), Sony lost over 1,000 subscriptions after yesterday’s announcement. They’ve been bleeding subscriptions for months now, maybe they’ll take note and have the PR Department produce some sort of missive to calm the masses.
In a disturbing way, it’s enjoyable to watch the fallout from this mess. Sony’s Vortex of Evil knows no bounds. (You heard it here first.)
TO BE CONTINUED — PART II — Sony thinks I’m stupid enough to sign up to beta test their Demon Expansion. (Hint: They can shove it up their collective asses.)