Author Archives: Foton

I Remain Confused

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Since WoW! has no mobs to kill, hail or right-click upon atm, (and I mean ZERO mobs), I’m plowing through my news aggregator, checking on what the Big Boys are talking about in the wonderful world of gaming.

And as so often is the case, I have no fucking idea what they are talking about.

Example. Terra Nova, which I just know is a blog that I should camp for new posts, has a new entry about SWG player interactions. Besides catassing in EQ, an honorary PhD in SWG Player Interactions should be awarded to me.

I’m not saying GOOD interactions; I’m saying MANY interactions … for which an honorary degree could be awarded.

And herein lies my problem with Insider Industry Blogs. I just don’t get it. And I should get it.

(In my own mind) I possess above-average intelligence; I’m hyperlexic (probably too much lexical, not enough kinetic); I’m hip to the vernacular. But sheeat, I no be digging on your crossing, cat!

I understand that IIBlogs like Papers, Theses, Dissertations, Addresses and (dare I say … oh yes, I do dare) Buzzwords, but goddamn, if you people wanted to learn about this shit, why didn’t you just ask? Reminds me of 48 Hours, when Eddie Murphy (before he fathered 15 children) tells Nick Nolte (before he got 15 DUIs), “You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right?” Nolte: Right. Murphy: Come on in and experience some of my bullshit.

Hell, I guess my road can’t be their road.

I’ll still read the Big Boys. But I don’t think I’ll ever understand them.

When they’re done with the Papers, Dissertations, and PowerPointPresentations, maybe they’ll click a link and come on in and experience some of my bullshit.

Dear Warcraft

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Dear World of Warcraft,

I will never love you more than I do right now, this moment, when I’m still a noob — marveling at your newness, enjoying your not-EQness, thinking you’re wonderful in every way. I sprint off to complete your dumass quests with a skip in my step; I cheerfully interact with every NPC; I play with all your options, tenderly, never too harsh with the textures, my love.

You must know it’s doomed between us. You know this can’t last. Nerfs will divide us. Server restarts will try my patience. I will tire of your NPC prattle; MY GOD, how much social interaction can one man fake take? Leveling you will become a chore.

I will call you “out of touch”. I may call you The New Nexus of Evil. I may even cite your past (ahem) indiscretions in player relations. You will label me “demanding”, “unreasonable” even. I’m a cheat, a liar, a thief, you will say.

I’ve been down this road before with other loves. At most, it was three, I swear to you.

O GOD, it was at least two DOZEN. But they meant nothing to me! I’ve never felt this way before (since a year ago).

We’re doomed. But right now, let’s enjoy the moment. I will never love you like this again.

Your servant,
Foton

Randomized WoW Notes

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I’m thinking that World of Warcraft has a very Lord of the Rings-esque soundtrack.

This is the only explanation I have for my frequent urges to hold another man’s virtual face in my hands and tell him to “Be at peace, Son of Gondor”.

Hey, I’m not saying “Lawsuit!”; I’m just saying “I’m not gay”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.