Stop Staring

I’m ok, you’re ok, they’re maybe not so ok.

I enjoy snooping around other Warcraft guilds’ recruiting forums for entertainment purposes. On the one hand, long and involved guild applications are hilarious, cuz they’re so damn stupid. On the other, the answers given can be both amusing and frightening.


Subject: l337 hardc0re dude — level 70 mangina Shaman

Reported real life age: 20

What’s the purpose of a DKP system? Answer – ” … It allows for people that show up to earn the right for items for others that are either to lazy to log on or just do not care enough to help the guild or play their class appropriately.” i.e. you people with young children or JOBS or other real life obligations are lazy or don’t care about your guild.

How many hours a week do you play WoW? Answer – “Im usually pretty much on all the time from 2 pm server untill 11pm server then i ahve to take a break to see my future wife for about an hour and then im back on untill 1 or 2 am.”

Sometimes, these MMO games are like a freak show. I shouldn’t stare, yet who among us can look away?

The Shy, Lonely and Vulnerable Dr. C

Meanwhile, back in World of Warcraft …

So, I think we can all agree that I’m guilded with a bunch of nitwits. The following is further evidence.

Few weeks back, one of the guildmates /tells me in game that I might want to check out the security on our guild message boards because one of our former guild members apparently has full access to the private guild areas. (Recall that I was volunteered to administer our guild “web presence” as no one else was willing to take that thankless job.)

This was me: How?

Him: Looks like they’re using a current member’s login info.

Me: Who is using whose login?

Him: I don’t wanna say.

Me: Then what do we have to talk about?

I can’t tell you how sick I am of guildmates making serious accusations against guildmates, then refusing to name the offenders cuz that’s being a tattletale. Jesus, man up and point your finger, otherwise don’t bother me.

We danced around for a few days, with me promising anonymity and him playing hard to get, until finally he emails some screenshots of the private boards with the identifying information NOT redacted. F’ing finally.

Because I’m well aware of Photoshop magic, I went to the server logs to snoop around a bit and get the goods on the guildmate who was playing fast and loose with our access and privacy.

The former guildmember: BabbleOn (she of previous drama: Part I and Part II) and the guildmate who shared his login info with her, for some UNKNOWN reason that I will never understand unless it involved sex and that’s an even scarier thought: Med School Warlock, one of our frequent cyber-ors.

Let me pause here to say: Med School, my ass. I think people going to med school have to … oh, I don’t know … LOG OUT every once in a while to go to class. Aren’t there internships and residencies involved with many, many hours required? They let that guy become a licensed physician and I’m staying the fuck out of his state for the rest of my life.

He’s so full of shit, I can’t believe anyone would buy his story, and yet, I know of three who have. Hook. Line. Sinker.

Obviously, I’m not a fan of Dr. Cyber.

So, I have the goods on the would-be doctor, I rat him out to the officers, and they decide to have a talk with him after the night’s raids. (So you’ll understand the magnitude of the indiscretion here: BabbleOn and the Dr. are not married in real life, or in game, they don’t live together, they’re not relatives, they’re not neighbors, I didn’t even know they were friends, or more, prior to this.)

Well, funny thing happened on the way to the interrogation room, Dr. Cyber took matters into his own hands and /gquit. Man, I was disappointed. I was hoping to see him squirm. I love the squirm. Alas and alack, no squirm in /gu chat.

All he said before the /gquit was something about disagreeing with the direction of the guild, (psst, that’s code for “I want more loot”), he /gquit, and then he joined the fourth Guild That Hates My Guild on the server — newly formed of about a dozen guildmates who also disagreed with the “direction of the guild”.

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