Monthly Archives: January 2006

That’s Fine, Learn 2 Patch

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The long awaited Warcraft patch 1.9.0, aka Life Just Got a Whole Lot Easier for Paladins, was released today. (That link won’t last as Blizzard doesn’t believe in permalinks. But how nice am I? I cut and paste the whole thing for you after the jump so we can mock this some day and use it as evidence in our class action suit.)

You know how Blizzard’s patcher is with firewalls, fictional firewalls, routers and that fancy schmancy broadband some folks have nowadays — not too cooperative — so start patching ASAP. Then download all your mod updates. Then pray that the login servers hold up tonight. Then just give up and go to bed.

Speaking of their ratass patcher, how hard is it to provide adequate patching bandwidth when they’re charging everyone 15 and change every month to play the game? Fercrissakes, set aside 25 cents from each subscription and buy some patching power.

Cheap bastards.

UPDATE: Reporting live from the scene of my Warcraft server, Raster (blog servant) has IM’d that the in-game mail system is currently broken and there are numerous errors with the “improved” (ironic quotes added for emphasis) Auction House system. Raster added this commentary: lol. (Confirmation of email and AH problems in this Blizzard forum message.)

Damn. Stuck at work and I wanted to lol too.

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Week of Fives: Day One

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… and we’re back.

Few changes ’round here: site upgraded to WordPress 2.0 (die evil hackers and evil spammers and evil spamming hackers!) and latest version of K2. Miss a day, miss a lot of site fixes! Just like MMOGs, blog software is perpetually in beta, so there may be broken stuff. I’ll get ’round to it eventually. Just like devs.

This week’s project: a different kind of Look Back at the Year 2005, which I will call the Week of Fives. Each day, you will find a list of five persons, places or things from 2005 that I want to remember FOREVER. When I get to the end of my life, not only do I want to think “Man, I really squandered my time on Earth”, but also I want to remember that I squandered that time mostly in games. Then I’ll die without giving away my stuff. Ha!

Today, Five Hated Players on My Warcraft Server:

1. The “I’m the smartest person on the Realm Forums” guy. I’m sure you have one of these guys on your WoW-EQ-EQII-UO-GW-SWG-etc servers, too, so you know the type. He responds to absolutely every thread AND authors a billion others dealing with the same topics raised in the original threads. If only he could confine himself to one thread per day, how much easier our lives would be.

Anyways, my forum whore likes to trot out this little stat each time he gets pwned via realm forum: I’m probably the smartest person on these boards. Then he’ll cite all of his almost-complete education credits, which he would have completed except the schools (yes, that’s plural) fucked him over.

But that’s not all! I know this guy in game, too. (Lucky me) He monopolizes the general chat channel with his unsolicited wisdom and advice where he has almost-credentials too: I was in the top guild on this server (till it imploded from drama THAT HE CREATED), I’m in the new top guild on this server (currently in implosion mode from drama THAT HE CREATED) and I’ve killed every mob that’s ever been.

Please. Die. Now.

This has been my passive-aggressive strat for dealing with this hosebag: every day before raid time, I take him off my ignore list. I go about my business in Ironforge prepping for the raid. If I see even one line of text come from his character before I fly out or when I fly back post-raid, I /ignore him. Even one “lol”, /ignore. Zero tolerance. Almost every day, he sees on his own screen “FotonRogue is now ignoring you.” Drives him nuts.

Sometimes he’ll have his friend (yes, that’s singular) bitch at me about the daily /ignores, but I just /ignore him too … until the next day, when the /ignore dance begins anew.

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A Game does not a Hero Make

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As if we didn’t have enough nauseating homemade gaming video to email each other … *cough* yet another Fraps video of Guild104903 killing Warcraft’s Razorgore, Onyxia or General Drakkisath with only two players … I expect this will be the annoying video trend of 2006: I am a Guitar Hero with Stars in My Eyes. I just know Keven Federline has a stack of these ready for sale in his hillbilly mansion.