Yahoo! Groups : WoW Widows — Not entirely unexpected, World of Warcraft has an internet support group for those abandoned and neglected by their Warcraft-playing loved ones. Unless you have a similar issue at home, you should only read and reflect. You don’t go to the circus, jump into the center ring and start doing tricks with the lions, fcs.
hey all! I’m in Brisbane QLD. I’m getting married in 3 weeks to a warcraft addict and i am terrified! Mind you i have found other ways to spend my time then hang with my soon to be hubby. I guess i just live with it. He’s been gaming solid for 15 months.
I do wonder what its gonna be like if we have kids. That scares me a little.
I think this website is very therapeutic. It helps me to get the steam out.
I do feel for those who have lost the fight to win their partners time back. It is an addiction afterall.
I love my fiance and i want to marry him good with the bad and all. I just hate that game soooo much and wish he never found it but as you all know if it’s not this game, it would be another one just as bad. Let’s face it…we are with gamers!
Everytime i see something on TV like that ACA show, i make sure he see’s it. It acts as a gentle reminder not to go too overboard. I guess i got sick of trying and crying and whinging and yelling that i got used to it.
Oh well, as long as a have this website i think i can stay sane! LOL Talk soon.
Well, I’m no widow, but I’ve lost a friend to this thing.
A few years ago, we’d hang out, work on cars, go out for coffee, bullshit…you know, just hang out. Then along came the game. He stopped working. He told clients that he was booked for the week, and he couldn’t see them. He stopped coming out for coffee. The rest of us still go, even others who were temporarily addicted to the thing, but he showed up later and later, and now just doesn’t.
As someone who has dealt with an addiction personally, and has done everything they can to learn about the mechanism of addiction, I can safely say that this is as bad as crack or heroin. The pattern of addiction is exactly the same. The lies, excuses, withdrawal into the “world”, the non stop talk about the one and only subject that they care about anymore.
It’s sad that these people just can’t get a REAL, actual, physical life.
I have found in many cases I’ve seen personally that people who are addicted get that way for the same reason others get addicted to drugs or alcohol: there’s something missing in their lives, or they’ve got some kind of hurt that they don’t want to face in the real world.
Well addicts, your wives, girlfriends, families and friends are here to talk to you, for real.
BTW, saw the South Park episode, and found it funny as hell. My friend the addict saw it too, thought it was funny, but could not see the sad truth in it. Too bad. I’ll just have to keep trying.
In defense of those who play WoW: it is a way of life. That might sound extremely stupid to many people, but gamers can be very commited to what they do. To us, it is one of the funnest games created. It takes a lot of time, but never gets boring. I know people who have 190 actual days of WoW playing time, and they still have much to do in the game. That’s over 1/2 a year of their life spent in a videogame. If you think WoW is stupid or whatever, think that nobody could spend over half a year playing something that sucks. WoW is a great place that can even build international friendships (I know kiwi’s!!) I don’t care if i don’t have time for a girlfriend. WoW is worth it…end of story
I’m a WOW widow just like the rest of you but my husband and I have the whole thing worked out, for the most part. His guild schedules quests for Wednesday nights and Saturday nights so I know that those 2 nights it’s just the little one and me hanging out. The additional playing time is negotiated and I just tell him when it’s getting out of hand. My advice, work out a schedule and try to be a little flexible but stand up for yourself. When your significant other starts to take adavantage of extra WOW time just say No!
You are brave!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know one thing 200% – I will NOT marry this person until WOW is out of the picture!! There is no way in hell that i will put myself through the torment. Are you guys going on a honeymoon??
I play WoW (Yes im a female) Me and my husband both play.
We have set a schedule for when we play. We raid thursdays and tuesdays. Most of you would wonder why or how anyone can actually get addicted to a game, ill explain to you how some people can.
WoW and other MMORPH’s allow social outsiders to come together with people that they would never be able to talk to in Society due to social structures and hierarchy’s. Online games create an enviroment that allow all people to be accepted in one way or another.
You meet people from across the world or people from the same city that you are in. The people that you meet online you have a connection with already. There is no “Ice breaker” that someone has to find to start a conversation with you. With the way our society is now we are making conversation a little practiced social event. By conversation i mean where both people actually talk about something without using slang terms and they entertain each other.
As to husbands/boyfriends that play and are addicted to it, how often do you two communicate to each other and actually talk to each other? Where you work out issues and see each others point of view instead of coming into the conversation with a byass?
Most ill repeat MOST people get addicted to something because they need an out. This is shown in many addictions from alcholism to smoking.
Dont expect someone to change completely its not in human nature to do so. But compromises can always be worked out if both sides want to. Our compromise was to raid only two nights a week, not the 5 nights that we where raiding before.
I posted a while back about my wife’s addiction to Warcrack. We decided earlier today to get officially seperated. She seemed so happy that now she can play as much as she’d like. Quite honestly, while I’m in pain for what my kids have to deal with, I feel a great sense of relief. I’m finally free from her and her addiction. Don’t waste your lives folks.
Allen I am sorry that it had to result to this for you but glad that with this comes a sense of relief for you.
Crystal, Me and my SO communicate on a regular basis, well when he can be pulled away from the game. Due to my profession, I do feel that while I am byassed, I am able to come into the conversation on neutral ground, out of respect for the fact that I do love him and that he is my SO, even if he does have a problem. We often talk about compromise, but unfortunately it is all talk. Maybe one of these days it will work long term. We had a long conversation yesterday and he only played for about 20 minutes today. I am not against the game, heck I used to play and still do every now and then, but I would never let WOW get in the way of our family the way I feel that he does. At least he is being more honest with my now and has finally come to the first step, admitting that yes there is a problem with him playing 12-14 hours every day. I’m sure he does play because he needs an out, heck I’d need one too if I had nothing else to do. I hope the day comes that he gets sick of the fanatsy world of WOW and is able to come back to (and enjoy) the real world where there are real live people to communicate with. I hope the compromise can last, but have my realistic doubts about it due to the addiction factor. I asked for as much time spent with me as he is spending with WOW, and its worked for the past 2 days, fingers crossed it stays this way.
I am not alone! I knew there were other “widows” like me out there, and I’m not sure if I should say I’m happy about that fact or not, but I am glad to have found you!
My hubby has had more put on him the last few years, as I developed a chronic pain condition. I used to take care of everything. He worked (and so did I) but other than maybe helping straighted up every week or so he really didnt’ have any other responsibilities. We have three kids at home so there is a lot to keep track of and handle. Unfortunatly he’s always on the game, headphones on, not seeing or hearing anything other than his game.
I need his help. I can’t do it all anymore! I hurt all the time & now I wonder if I’m going to have to be a single parent. Honestly, it is easier when he isn’t here because it’s one less person to clean up after. The kids mind better when he’s gone too.
Does anyone have any suggestions?? & trust me, I’ve had the “sit down” with him several times.
My partner has been playing online games since we met, firstly it was Ultima, then Star Wars Galaxies then back to Ultima before finally settling for World of Warcraft. We have two daughters and he neglects them to play an online game with a bunch of wasters. He has friends from work who play it with him yet they are single so have the time to do so but my partner does not. We don’t go anywhere and it has got to the point where I can’t be near him because of his addiction.
Everyday I moan about it to him and when he logs on he says just getting my post, but then it is four hours later and I am left to play with our daughters. Tonight in sheer frustration I turned off the computer during his time on it. I’m not sure how I can get him out of the habit of playing, I don’t want to deny him all the time but our relationship is suffering and tonight our youngest daughter almost put a small toy in her mouth because he wasn’t watching her as he was playing the game.
I am at my wits ends now and bsides leaving I don’t know what else to do to make him see what he is doing to our family
Not that i like this idea becuae i hate ultimatumns but if his addiction or her addiction has gotten so bad that they cannot see what they are going to lose, then maybe they need an eye opener.Go to an addictions councilor or a psychiatricst. Addictions councilors are realizing the problem of the internet and MMORPHs they may be helpful.
Go out to a movie or to the gymn/coffe whatever that you can do when he gets home. Don’t just get up and leave when he walks in the door but a few hours later tell him a few days before about your plans to that way hes not shocked and to aviod any extra conflict. Dont take the kids with you leave them with him to take care of. Plan outings for two days a week or so. In theory this should force him to take responsibility for the kids a few times a week for a couple of hours. Maybe that will make him connect with his family agian and force the realization of what he is missing in his family. Im not saying that this will work but it forces him to get of the computer and entertain his kids, while allowing you sometime off maybe to go out with a few friends.
Or schedule family movie/game days where you rent a few movies and sit down and watch them.
My husband and I had to schedule “dates” to get away from the computer and our addiction. We went to friends houses or just for random drives. Every friday we go out with a bunch or friends for a cheap movie night or for supper. Its like creating distractions to get away from your addiction.
Im not really sure if any of this helps its just what we had to do to get away from the WoW enviroment and be able to function like actual people again and not like robots with no connection to humanity.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. The main reason was her addiction to this game. She’d play it near constantly, as did I because I wanted to be around her and I enjoyed it too. Any time we were away from this game we were so much better as a couple. It was almost like night and day. I’d try to talk to her about anything at all and she’d get extremely defensive and mean. I discovered a mutual online friend that was coming down to visit typing to her the night before his trip that “he couldn’t wait to shower with her” and even more explicit. Naturally I confronted her and she wanted to break up and have me move out. After just getting out of a job this was a heck of a lot of change extremely quick.
This has been hard over the past few weeks and I wish I could just turn these feelings off with a switch. Before WoW she was an awesome woman who I cared for deeply. But with WoW around she was a very defensive and cranky person. I did all I could think of to try and make things work but she’d rather escape into a game and have pretend relationships that take no work.
Well I think I have had a big personal break-through over the past few days. While I stil think the game has contributed in a big way to the downward spiral of my relationship, I dont think it is the main cause. I think it is one of many causes actually. The longer we are together, the longer I seem to find more and more out. #1 yes he is a gamer, which is just something I dont want in a life mate #2 he is an atheist, which is another thing I do not want #3 he chooses to keep a checking account with an ex I could go on and on but there is no point really. The main point is that even with just those 3 things, there are all sorts of problems that we have so the game is just one of many really. If it wasnt WOW it would be something else I am sure. At this point I’m glad he’s playing the game because thats more time he is leaving me alone. At least this is how I feel today, tomorrow who knows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Brad
Been there man, it’s tough, but you’ll do better, don’t worry. You just need to get away and take a little time to heal- those hurt feelings aren’t going to go away right away, but don’t confuse them with true love.
My ex had me so busted up when she left, I thought I was really losing something special- she broke me down pretty bad on her way out so i thought I needed her. I’ve been dating a lot of girls since my fiancee left, starting to have the time of my life.
I think about her locking herself in her room all day, chatting with some other guy and I almost feel sorry for her. Time will show you that she’s actually doing you a favor.
Any girl that would rather spend her time in a dark room in front of a computer screen rather than spend time with you was never worth your time to begin with.
The “prestige” of having a gamer chick is not worth that.
Get her out of your life and I promise- a few months later you’ll be wondering why you ever wasted time on that one.
Keep your head up and give it time. You’ll be much better off.
alysia
Sounds like a total loser.
Why not find someone who’s worth your time and effort?
Don’t see why you wouldn’t cut him off completely until he got his sh*t together; because as things stand, you’re giving him all the power in the relationship.
Do you really want such an insignificant role in your SO’s life?
There are plenty of guys out there that would put you first – or at least near the top.
Sorry, I just hate to see you people suffering.
I wish I knew what I know now back in March or even last year.
Thank you Eric – its helpful to hear this stuff!! I just have to read it every day for it to sink in!! I would like to do exacly what you have suggested!!
I lost my best mate to Warcraft. Me, him and his girlfriend would meet up regularly to go out and watch gigs, get drunk or just sit around the house and chill. But then he started playing Warcraft non stop. He became totally immersed in the world and just forgot about his real life. Me and his girlfriend soon realised he had a real problem and tried to talk to him about it, but he kept spouting the same tired excuses i’ve seen here. It was obvious he was using it as a way of escaping dealing with real issues.
after two years his girlfriend couldn’t take it anymore and left him. I used to go round and see him but he would never look away from his monitor for more than a few seconds. He couldn’t even be bothered to make me a cup of tea as any proper host would. I too realised he was a lost cause and stopped visiting him. There was only so man times i could keep banging my head against the same wall.
You see it’s not just the wives and girlfriends that suffer, it’s the mates as well. We both miss him very much, but he doesn’t care anymore.
Hi
I am a so called warcraft widow, i always knew it was bad and laughed about my boyfriend being a geek, but huge books keep appearing about warcraft and every moment not spent on it is spent researching and talking about it.
We have been together for four years and i always thought i was one to accept people for what they are, but he was becoming more and more withdrawn.
He tells me nothing about warcraft except that he is on it all the time because he is great, so this site is teaching me alot.
I found out a couple of months ago that he has a whole different life, with people he meets from all over the world. He tells them he’s the sort of person he wants to be and builds himself up, for example he isn’t truthful about not having a job, he lost it due to never turning up on time (because he was always on warcraft until the crack of dawn)
All of this i thought i could cope with until i found that he has been meeting women on warcraft, i have found photo’s emails texts the lot, and not just from one women but several. He says there is nothing going on and keeping this sort of relatioship is essential for the good of the guild.
Am i just a stupid fool and should i get out now???
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My husband and I used to be beautiful, until he discovered WoW. I started playing with him. Things were fine. We were madly in love. No addiction yet. Got a house of our own. We started playing WoW together. We were fine. We got to sixty on our mains. Life was fun and very good. Around January things started to get very bad. Now that I look back on it, I can see that- he started to become emotionally abusive. WoW is all he wanted to do, ever. No partying, no dinners, no movies, no holiday outtings, not even TV. Nothing. I thought maybe this was a phase. Maybe he enjoys it THAT much, “I’ll play along for a while.” I was stupid. The tantrums grew worse. The ugly things he said to me became more frequent. Now, I’m so deep in a hole of complete depression and anger towards myself for being naive that I can’t stand it anymore. Nothing works. I cannot find his attention without playing. I quit for 2 months to no avail. Saying “Maybe we should designate playtimes weekly” does not work. He wont go to counseling with me. Threatening him with divorce does not work. He started blaming the most minute shit on me so frequently that I thought he could have been carrying on affair on with some one else (adulterers play the blame game) and that makes no sense! He spends all of his time playing WoW! And after researching I have finally concurred that he is an addict. We are fairly newly weds, so we have no responsibilites to children. But I do have a very small family and they live in the area. They get to see my husband once every other month (I’m the only child). Our one year anniversary was this past weekend. After I spent that night crying in the bathtub while he was killing Ony on his alt, I’ve decided to give up playing with him at all. We were supposed to get him a wedding band (something he’s been putting off for a year now) and ended up going to one place, getting in an arguement about “not getting out enough” and going home. I’m so sick and sad about it. I’ve realized that while I was playing with him I’ve lost ALL my friends with exception to one. Became depressed. Gained 10 lbs. Developed nasty eating habits (including loads and loads of caffeine). And have accomplished absolutely nothing that I wanted to accomplish. But now, I realize whats going on. I’m ready to sell my characters on ebay (a good thing to do by the way). I’m sure he’ll become angry since I have threatened to delete my account before and that was his reaction. You see, I’m not allowed to leave WoW or else…I’ll be punished with no affection. So, as I can leave strong willed (because, I, as sick and pathetic as it seems, am only addicted to trying to spend time with my husband) I cannot leave without hurting my “marriage.” Point blank. But I’m going to. I’ve had enough.
There are widows all over, everywhere. In fact, my husband’s coworker that got him into the game’s wife is looking at divorce right now…and he plays less than my husband does!
Letting the game run its course is never a solution. This game is designed to keep people playing, ALL THE TIME. Not to mention, the expansion is coming out soon and guess what?!?! Its going to take TWICE as long to get to lvl seventy from sixty than it did to get to sixty from lvl 1! Boooo!
And I do agree with the entire “depends on the person” theory. I am dropping WoW. I have 4 lvl 60s (priest, war, mage, hunter)on skywall. I basically played to appease my husband and I’m not going to miss it. F*ck an elitest guild! And if I f*ck my marriage too, well, then it wasn’t a good marriage.
char
Not to be all nosey and tell everyone on this site what to do, but as a guy your man sounds like he’s just waiting for one of those girls to come along who’s just hot enough, just close enough, and just willing enough to replace you with. It’s a popular tactic that women use as well, called “bullpenning”. Sounds like he wants to get himself a gamer chick. I would venture to say that he’s just going to break you down, make you feel worthless, and justify to himself what he’s doing to you before finally leaving you for someone else.
I don’t know the guy so I can’t be sure, but reading your email definitely sets off some alarms.
If it were me, I’d leave and only take him back on the condition that he drops the game & cleans up his act because he doesn’t sound like the type of person that’s worth suffering for.
Jen
Good luck with your situation. Just remember his problem is not your fault and you shouldn’t allow it to ruin your life. Yes, you care about him; but he’s got a serious problem and if he’s unwilling to change then you need to move on and make yourself happy.
I know I may be addicted to the soap box, but I know how much pain the last year caused me, so if there’s any hope I can give you guys that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, then I don’t mind making a jerk out of myself.
Hi Eric,
Thanks for the advice, i hear what your saying!!!
It’s just very difficult as i’m the sort of person that always likes to believe in the best in people, i am trying to believe my boyfriend when he says there is nothing going on, But in my opinion if you are in a happy stable relationship you don’t feel the need to meet other women online.
I have said to him that as he has broken my trust that the warcraft goes or i do, at which he said he would give up, but somehow i don’t believe that he can.
We live 130 miles apart and he doesn’t have a job we only see each other every now and then, maybe thats got something to do with us drifting apart and not just the game thats to blame.
But i feel he would play it in secret and be dishonest with me.
I know i said several women but one in particular has had more attention paid than the others, he says he will stop texting her and concentrate on our relationship, but i have said to him that if he keeps giving his number to every random woman he happens upon in the game one day someone will come along that he can’t resist.
I want to give him an ultimatum warcraft or me mate!!! but i find it hard to be the one to stop someone doing what they love as i feel he will just resent me even more.
I won’t babble on too much as my story is not as bad as some, we don’t have kids, we’re not married and we don’t have a house together, i’m only 29 so i’m young enough to start again.
You know more about warcraft and i thank you for your advice. I am not seeing him for a couple of weeks to let the air cool then i will broach the subject, i’ll let you know how i go on!!!!
P.s and Jen i feel your pain hun don’t let him grind ya down, you are better than that. I have been going through so many self confidence issues lately, am i not good enough, exciting enough, funny enough, sexy enough etc etc, but at the end of the day if your hubby cannot see the beauty of you both inside and out when it’s staring him in the face then he does not deserve you, and some day you find someone who will make you feel worthwhile.
Hey guys,(before is start please excuse my spelling :))
Ive just finished reading this whole post after recently quiting my online life.
Speaking from experience.. (i have 3 60 characters and many various others), the game is obviously very adictive. i should know.. i just failed my uni coarse of 4 years due to my study “breaks” of time on WoW.
Cleaning up the mess is hard, i am still with my girlfriend of 3 years… but only by a thread. This was probably also a result of the fact that while at uni i was a long way away…
To everyone out there living with people addicted to this game, i know you must be frustrated to the point of exhustion, but you CAN stick it through. I should know, it took me a very long time to see the light 🙁
I think the greatest thing about the addiction is the massive feeling of loss when not playing or trying to give it up. There is game logic behind this sure, better armour, alts, rare drops etc are a lure. BUT:
– The experience is a real one with other people, its best described as a chat program (but everyone uses voice-chat mostly) and this does (however distorted) produce real-life relationships.. not just the flirty ones either, im talking about reliable mates who will drop everything (at least when online) to help you out. This is lost and can be amplified if there is no-one in real life to reciplicate this ‘comradery’ when and if the leave the game.
– The literal amount of time played on the game is one of the reasons i actually found it both hard and a reason to leave the game. let me explain :). On one hand you have a part of me looking at the amount of time played saying “im in too deep to quit, if i do i will have wasted so much money and time”, while on the other is the simple fact that i spent too much time on it. I know this might sound a bit hard to grasp but ive only just quite and reading this helps me to stay off it.
In closing im not totally sure i have been much help at all but i really hope that it works out for those in positions struggling with addicts. I guess i have my girlfriend to thank for pulling my twisted mind through… i hope to repay her one day..(p.s. i realise that sounds really corney but its true 🙂 )
thanks for listening to my blab, hope you all go well..
I can see both sides of the issue on this one. First off, my husband and I both play WoW. Prior to this game we played DAOC and Star Wars Galaxies. I do believe in sharing in your partners interests, and my hubby likes WoW so there I am along side him. We belong to a guild and typically raid/play with our friends 6 nights a week. Since they are scheduled raids from 7:30 pm onwards, we do our thing prior to our play schedule (i.e., take the kids to the park, eat dinner, talk, clean the house, run errands, you name it). Of course there are also times when we can’t make our raids as real life takes precedence, or one of us is tired or sick. Instead of getting burned out on the game, we take a night off and watch a tv show or movie.
Since the kids go to bed around 8, they have had our time all day (I’m a stay-at-home mom), so the 30 mins prior to bedtime is no biggie as they sit with us and either play or watch something before bed.
What I’m saying is that there has to be a balance. Neither one of us would be playing to the point where our kids or relationship suffer. Do we play too much? Yes sometimes, as we stay up too late most evenings. But does it hurt our relationship or family? No. I think it actually makes us closer, although we do argue sometimes about this or that in the game.
We are also fortunate that our guild is very forgiving if you aren’t able to be around for a day or two, or longer. We are a raiding guild but we all have priorities in life and we are friends and respect that.
As for the players who can’t remove their faces away from the computer, I would suggest talking to your spouse when they are not playing…send an email to work or call them if you have to. Or when they just get home from work, or after a night of playing. The word is compromise. You can’t expect your partner to sit in front of the tv each and every night watching something that you like, and forbidding him/her to play online. Not everyone likes tv for instance. The same can be said for anything else that is of interest to you. But that doesn’t mean there can’t be a compromise. Talk…not yell about your partner’s online playing and see what the two of you can do to work things out. You may also want to consider playing a little bit here or there with your partner so that you are doing something together as well. Talking things out and not screaming while they are playing can go a long way.
Just one question for these bitching ladies. How much more do you weigh now, vs when he first met you?
I will gladly answer that. When we met I was in a size 2/3 and weighed 103 pounds. I am now in a size 5 weighing at 120. When we met I had just turned 23 and I am now 26. I am 5’4″ and a tad bigger now than i was when we met, but I still look damn good if I may say so myself!! He’s in some guild called forgotten aspects. If he keeps this up it will be forgotten girlfriend!!!!!
Okies, lets elaborate. Cause Im really bored and this will be really good 😉 . In 3 yrs you gained 17 pounds. No suppose he marries you and you retain that weight vs time path. By the time youre 32 you will be 5’4 and weigh 154, which is approaching pleasantly plump. A few yrs after that, and well, you get the picture. Besides, maybe he does nothing more than go to work, come home. Would you rather him play a RPG online in youre living room or having a beer with the boys down at the local bar ?? You women can piss and moan all you want, but you find ANY other addiction that keeps his ass in the house, he cant get arrested for, doesnt involve another woman and costs $12 a MONTH.
I was dating a WoW guy as well and didnt care in the beginning because I worked evenings till midnite, and we only had Saturday and Sunday off together. He plays 3 nites a week 4 hours at a time and I rather he do that than be at a bar somewhere drinking etc… But, on Sundays we would be lying in bed after sex and he would leave to go play the video game! This guy is 30 years old! Im 33. Ridiculous. He didnt call me during the week only text message. I think a lot of these gamers are socially mal-adapted geeks who cant interact with real people unless its through a computer. Its sad when a grown man would rather game than be in bed naked with a woman- or wanr a real realtionship actually interacting in person. many of these people fear social interaction and seldom have girlfriends. As far as addiction goes, its never ok to let anything control your life to the point when your neglectful of responsibilities and relationships- just like a drug, food or alcohol addict. Also I found a whole page of women on Wow he was contacting and making sexual comments etc… Thats dorky. Virtually hitting on hot women he would never get in real life or have the balls to approach – thats why I didnt flip when I found out, I felt sorry for him.
Hi Vesparider,
I agree with what you’re saying to a T. I find it very hard to interact with people and often feel the temptation to bury my nose in an absorbing game because of it. I struggle in social situations and am not the best with girls. Everyone else seems to know what to say, and I feel like I’m saying the wrong things. In the game world its completely safe and controlled and predictable in a way the world around us is not. I think that’s the big attraction for the **coughs** geeks like me. 😉
I resist the temptation to play but I still get very strong cravings. Instead I normally come here or gamerwidow and read some of the accounts, which i have to say are pretty heartrendering especially when they involve children. Not surprisingly, the temptation goes away for a while. Keep that WoW (which I’ve never played and never will) away from me. I’m 26. It would be nice to meet a nice girl and settle and have a family.
Joel
You seem like a really nice guy Joel. The best way to become adept in social situations is to force yourself into them little by little and over time it will get easier. I am in my 30’s and still feel like a goofy 8th grader socially. I dumped my BF whom I loved because he made more dates with the game than me. He seems proud of the fact, and he’s 30! I also found a Wow site where he is contacting and flirting with a bunch of gaming women commenting on their photos- after we were dating/sleeping together. He was doing this off game hours, like during work. I confronted him yesterday and he’s defensive of course and blames me for “over-reacting as usual” etc… most women would be irritated by this, but at the same time I feel sorry for him. To rely on computers to interact and connect with people, not going out much. I sensed this in the beginning so I put up with his lack of calling me on the phone as opposed to text messaging, breaking plans with me to get together via text! The list goes on. AS a result the relationship had turned out obe the coldest most distant one I have ever been in.
I want to go back four years ago before the downfall of my life … My ex started playing games such as Neverwinter nights and Diablo then warcraft ect ect.. My life has literally fallen apart due to online games and chat. While my Husband was gaming and chatting to people online I had no idea back then I was clueless to the internet , gaming or (cyber people) I had no idea what he was doing I just knew he was on the computer ALOT. being that he was a computer tech at the time I thought he’s working ect. our son was around 3-4 years old when it started getting really bad and I started noticing how much time he spent online and not with us. I was doing all the housework, all the yardwork, he was working long hours then on his days off he was on the computer or sleeping. I knew he needed a break and worked hard for us (which I didn’t appreciate at the time because I was selfish) but I missed him and was lonely, My mother was living with us at the time and I frequently expressed my sadness to her about his lack of interest in his family and she would tell me give him his space and he’ll come around. I used to beg him to spend time with Me and our son and he would tell me in a minute or later. Later never came. Eventually he built me my own computer as he got himself a new one and suggested I get online and look around, he showed me how I could talk to my sisters online and do Messenger, I wanted to quit smoking at the time so I found a quit smoking site and started talking to people on their daily while my husband was at work ,That was the first time in a very long time that I had adult conversation and contact (cyber or otherwise) it was adult contact, Then I discovered chat rooms and all the people I could talk to anytime I wanted which totally suited my outgoing, extraverted personality.. I would tell jokes and talk about silly stuff in chat rooms for hours a day while my husband was in the backroom doing whatever he did on his computer .I continued to try to better our family, remoldeling our home and trying to improve things for my husband to make him happy. (or so I thought,) I would ask him to help me make improvments to our home or mow the lawn or do anything with us and his anwser was always he’s to tired or busy. I eventually stopped cleaning the house like I did, stopped taking care of the yard as I had. I began to let another man come between my husband and myself via the CYBER WORLD..This other guy was feeding my self esteem and building my confidence and stroking my ego all the while my husband was in the other room gaming or sleeping or oblivious to his wife and her needs.. The sad thing is I had no idea how wrapped up I could become or how far things could go or that my family could be affected by this. ” I will never get a divorce” that’s what I always said. I will never do to my son what I went through coming from divorced parents. Skip to 2002 my son’s about five and im still talking to the man online , my husband still exhausted everyday coming home going right to bed after work then on the computer after waking.. Everyday my resentment built and everyday I let my so called “chat friends” tell me that he’s no good. if he cared he would be involved with his family, he would want to be with you and your son and everyday was the same routine, I would beg him. Please stay up just this one time and he couldn’t not for me. I literally gave up caring that he would turn around, I let myself believe he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t care if I was around or not. I started seeing this online guy in september of 2002 03 and really stopped caring what my husband was doing or not doing because someone else was filling his role as my confidant and companion, My husband then began to really isolate and play games continuously as I was having my affair. He tried to tell me that it wasn’t real that this relationship wasn’t real, he tried to save our marriage at one point by admitting his wrongs to our family and trying to reconcile , but as the addiction to chat had took hold I was blinded by the cyber friends that weren’t real and avoiding my real life family, it was my escape and it felt good to be talked to so nicely all the things I missed from my husband the chat world was fullfilling for me.
I eventually moved out of our home and into an apartment with the other man, In my manic state I actually believed that I would leave home for a month or so, my Husband would change his behavior and love me so much and bring me home. of course that never happened. The longer I was gone the easier it was for him to forget , the pain I caused him sent him deeper into the gaming world and the cycle continued for years. an entire year went by us living apart , Me at this apartment him at our home. I would come to the house every weekend with our son and everytime I walked through that door my husband was on the computer playing a game, His outlet , his escape from the pain of his wife leaving him , his companion was now a game,But I saw it as further proof that he didn’t care for his family , further proof that he didnt’ love me,” if he loved me he would get off that computer and talk about us..” RIGHT? WRONG!!!!!
Now were just going through the motions I left but nobody’s doing anything to fix it or end it.. We are both just surviving both hurting and neither of us willing to divorce or do what needed to be done to reconcile although we both tried our own ways neither of us could understand the other’s que’s or signs that the other actually did care..
after me leaving the home started to fall apart, the yard went to crap, the neighbors complained that nobody was taking care of the home, WHich gave me more fuel to blame my husband for being ungrateful , uncaring, lazy. ect but in reality he was just hurt and depressed about his life and could barely function. MY son was caught in the middle of course and I would go back and forth between guilt and blame for all of this happening to our son. I would blame my husband for not changing his behavior and not seeing what I needed and I blamed myself for letting another man step in where my husband had stepped out..
2004 was now here and Im still out of the home although I did move closer for my son and his school when my worst fear came true. march 29th my mom was hit in a head on collision and life flighted to Hospital, I was closest to my mom and terrified she would die and at that moment I realized how important my family was to me and how selfish I was to not think WHY my husband was doing what he was doing not to hurt me but to protect himself from further pain by me. WHile my mom was on life support i had told my husband I want to reconcile, I want to come home I said and in front of the hospital I will never forget He said “I want a divorce” My mother died on May 2nd 2004 due to trauma and multiple injuries. four days after her death my husband had me served with divorce papers and my entire world shattered in one week.
the pain was so emense that I would go to the house and beg him to take me back to please help me through my moms death and be my husband again and he would just step over me and go back to his game. Ive never been so heartbroken and never imagined he could be so cruel to me. Not my husband? WHY? this sent me into DEEP DEEP Depression , I became suicidal and suffer post traumatic stress. a number of misfortunes continued to follow this so numerous I coudn’t begin to tell you, Through the divorce court dates and lawyers I was also trying to take care of my mom’s estate and medical bills and attorney’s and hospitals. I was in a huge nightmare with no way out. We were in court for two years during this divorce Which never needed to happen, unfortunatley at this time I was executer of my mother’s will and her medical power of attorney, Not having emotional support of the man I was married to for ten years and having him completly detached due to my affair I thought of suicide every single day, the only thing that kept me alive then was my son who deserved to have a mother. after the loss of my own I couldn’t do that to my son. Skip to today nov 2006 My ex hasn’t changed his behaviors at all, he goes to work, comes home and sleeps then games all night, and repeat.. Ive been to the house daily almost trying to open the lines of communication, trying to hold onto any sign of hope and I can’t see nor speak to him out of that element of game . He can’t make it to scouts because he has a raid, He can’t go to our son’s therapy because he was up all night working then gaming, He can’t do this because his game comes before anything else, He couldn’t avoid the mess of divorce because I couldn’t get him off the game long enough to have a decent and adult conversation regarding our true feelings .
We were both even after the divorce still putting our lives on hold for each other, Im still on the mortgage , he still pays my car insurance, half of my belongings are still in the home that we shared. But what hurts the most is he’s putting my son second to this game, He missed back to school night because of the game, He’s missed teacher conference because of this game, He won’t answer the phone, he doesn’t have a social life other then his cyber friends, he doesn’t go outside, He started drinking, he’s smoking constantly making himself sicker he’s depressed and relying on “cyber Friends” to get by, He’s now involved with an online girl thats coming before his family someone he’s never met is more important then his son..He claimed he would do anything for us anything for his son but all he’s done is hurting us. Our son now suffers depression and OCD he resently developed a tick due to stress.
The past six or so month’s Ive really tried to reconcile our marriage, .. We were intimate a couple of times giving me false hope. His moods would shift like the wind. I would come to the house one day and he would be sweet and loving, the next day he wouldn’t even look at me or be flat out cruel to me in front of our son further confusing our child.
I never thought he would stop loving me, I never thought this would happen to our family, I never thought he’d threaten to call the cops on me because I was bawling and begging him to stop what he was doing and pay attention to whats in real life (he believed I was harrassing him because he wanted to get on his game to talk to his new infactuation)..I recently told him I would do whatever it took to make him happy and make up for me leaving and due to Worlds of Warcraft he’s in a fantasy world with fantasy people and believing just as I did that they really care for him and that he’s just fine doing what he’s doing. slipping away forever from me and my son recently telling me HE WILL NEVER BE WITH ME AGAIN. He hates me and wants me out of his life..Online games, Chat, MMORPG’s it’s all bad and truly destroys lives, All of what ive told you isn’t all that’s gone on but it’s all due to Gaming and not living in the moment , in real life with real people. If you don’t live in reality you will stop functioning in real life…my messege is get off the net and interact with your family, don’t let yourself live in that fantasy world. it’s an escape but when the computer is turned off the problems are still there, you have to go through it and face it or you’ll continue to suffer in the real world.. I will love you always FWP (L)(K)(L) When the fantasy ends I’ll still be here..
AMEN TO MIEKA’s BLOG.. LOL EVERY BIT OF IT TRUE
Hi again Vespa,
Had a bit of a relapse yesterday and played for four hours… 🙁 But clean today… i feel such shame and self hatred for being weak.
Computer addictions are going to become well known and we will start seeing help centers like AA for computer addictions. I say computer addictions because its not just the gamer thats causing problems but its also the people that are on chat sites,pod cast sites for 12 hours a day.
People are getting fatter every year and every home is having an average of 2 computers, or 1 computer and a game console(ps2, nintendo,xbox) in there houses. How are these things not connected?
I used to look at my friends that are bar goers as odd since i dont drink i didnt see the point of going to a bar to come home smelling like smoke and alchol. But i have a new respect for the people that get out of there houses and learn to have a conversation with other “Real life” people.
Text messaging and emails are making interaction obsolete.One day our kids will be going to classes like ” The Art of Conversation” so that they will learn how to talk to a person in a one on one situtation.
So…quitting did NOT jerk a knot in his tail like I expected. SO…I went to a marriage psych today and let me tell you, I feel one MILLION times better. He refuses to go seeing as how he thinks this is not a problem at all but I’ve been assured (which is what I needed, 100%) that none of this is my fault! I’m also living at the parent’s. The psych told me that when some ones addicted like he is its important that he sees an absence of me…and if he doesnt care that I’m gone then theres really nothing I can do.
I really want to encourage everyone in a serious relationship with a person addicted to world of warcraft to seek counselling if your partner persists. Its not only important to grow together in your relationship with one another, but to keep YOUR self esteam high and do the things you need to do for YOU. When everything in life is unstable, you need to make YOURSELF stable to be able to deal with it better. Reach out to your friends and family, join a support group, and keep your head high! Theres no reason you should be ashamed of anyone else’s failure!
-J
I am so glad that I am not crazy thinking this is a genuine issue. I have been married to my husband almost 8 years. We have 2 children who are 7 and 2. He works days full time and gets on his game by 7 everynight and is on until 11pm – 1 am Monday through Friday. He doesn’t interact with his kids any more than 10 minutes total on a normal day. On Saturdays and Sundays he’s on the computer with his WOW games from 9 or 10 am until 4 am or so, only getting up to eat, go to the bathroom or smoke. I am tired of his lack of interest in his wife and kids and feel so sad for my kids missing out on the great dad they could have. He is a wonderful person, but this game has sucked the life out of him, and now me. I think it’s time for some serious decisions. Enough is enough.
I was going to learn to play because I normally like that style of game but just the words WOW make me want to throw up and start crying. My husband literally sits every waking hour in front of it. He will work for 6 hours, come home play and sleep for a few hours and get up and play some more. He Ignores me, lies to me, says he will help do something and just plays the game instead. He leaves me to take care of 3 children, one of them who is disabled so he can play the game all day. I dont want to be the type of wife to say its either me or the game but its almost to that point. Scary thing is after almost 12 years of marriage, I think he would pick the game! Our marriage is good other than this. What can I do?
I tried to play “with” him once and he just got all pissy and told me to go away. If it was another woman I could win him back with nakedness and charm but I cant compete with this game
I was going to type a very long explaination of why men get so involved in this game, but then realised that this would take away from game time!
I can’t believe how addictive WOW is. My husband is completely addicted and still in denial. HELP
Thank you everyone , im glad im not alone. Its not that easy to just walk away and leave. We all know what kind of a guy our boyfriends/husbands were before this game. Thats who we fell in love with. We feel bad that such a wonderful person has disappeared, for no good reason at all. Its hard to leave over a video game. Something that you built up over time. I try my best to understand, but I dont see how there can be something so much more important than your significant other, and family. Its going to mean nothing someday. I know he loves me, but everytime it comes time for us to potentially be together, he falls right asleep. I dont want to go through this anymore, I just want my companion back. He can play his game all night, if I could just get 30 minutes a night with just him, awake.
P.S. is there a chatroom for this? id like to talk to some people for support in person if there is. I could really use it.
Ok so my boyfriend who i’ve been with for a little over a month now USE to be addicted to WOW but gave up when he realised how much of his life it was consuming, then he had his chance to cancel his membership, and he did but he told me that he is now using someone elses membership to play and i am worried that he is gonna get addicted again, i dont want it to ruin our relationship, (we’ve been going out officially for a month but nwe’ve been “together” much longer than that), god if he gets addicted again i will actually smash his computer!!!
OMG…I thought I was the only one going through all this. I was feeling like crap yesterday about this whole gaming crap and I came across this website and it actually made me feel a whole lot better. I really thought it was my fault the way I have been feeling. It is like what everyone says, it isn’t the game that pisses me off, it is actually a fun game, i’ve played with my fiance a few times and it was cool. It is just the amount of time dedicated to this game instead of other things. I am trying to plan a wedding and it is hard to talk to someone while they are raiding and have their headset on. He says I can talk to him but while I am I know he isn’t paying attention because he is reading typing and talking to the other 40 ppl playing. I am getting so confused about everything! I happy he isn’t out there doing other things and is at home and if this is all I have to complain about them I am pretty lucky. It just sucks b/c this is his only flaw and I can not stand it. He didn’t always play video games like he does now. He is a very talented song writer/rapper (go figure). Lately I haven’t seen him do any music or the things he used to do. We used to have so much fun together and do things before this game came out…I’ve talked to him about it and he says he doesn’t have a problem and that he will just stop playing, that is doesn’t bother him. Then I feel like I am the bad person for making him quit the game…Ahhh Help…
So guys at what level do you get blessing of kings again?
OOOPS wrong Forums! 😛
to all the significant others out there, one thing that WoW does for me is allow me to be in a wide open space while sitting in my cramped apt. remember also that this game was built for everyone to play, also do point out that you and Gamer069 or whatever their name is – that you are in a relationship and need their attention away from the pc. I am married and my wife does play, but no where near what i do. i am not saying give your person a break, i am saying take a moment and evaluate if you are being peevish or is there an actual concern to be addressed. BTW not paying the cable bill does wonders for bringing to light a problem, hmmm i kinda rambled, remember to love them for who they are and to all the guys out there, take her to dinner, 25 bucks a plate or better, talk to her and recognize that she neds the same amount of attention WoW does, hell tell yer guildies that ya have a RL raid to attend and “phat lewt” to be had, also tell her she looks nice.
Hi Everyone,
I am thankful for support and to know that I’m not alone in this. My husband logged on this afternoon at 5:00 pm and told me 2 hours ago we could spend some time together….it is not 11:00 pm and he’s still playing. What an incredible waste of time and the worst part is…..even an idiot would know what a waste of time it is. My husband is not an idiot so I don’t get it. I have researched the game recently and know that it is designed to be addictive. I keep telling him that it’s hard not to take it personal and he keeps telling me that he can “walk away” at any time….still waiting for that to happen. As a Christian, I have serious problems with the game anyway and the time consumption is the icing on the cake. Does anyone know if there is a chat room out there relating to this subject? I have been searching but have yet to find one. We need to stick together…..I’ll be praying!!!
this is one pathetic site.. all you ugly girls out there let your man play his game. if you don’t like it, suck it up!!
What’s pathetic is that a person would rather play in a fantasy land rather than live in real life. I guess ugly to you are girls that have opinions and value reality. Thanks for your comments…..now go play your game since your real life must not be that great!
Well said Sarah!!
Well… I became a WOW widow this week. It didnt occur to me that a forum like this existed, because I didnt realize it was such a huge issue. I have sat around mourning a relationship that I thought I messed up for not being supportive. Then it hit me… I was making excuses for someones addiction. Maybe it is not drugs or alcohol, but it still something that affects the ones who love you, making them make excuses for you. That is an addiction. This has single handedly affected my life, making me feel like I wasnt good enough to compare to a video game. So I cant offer a entirely new world to hide from reality, but I offer a future and love. I feel for the women here and I jokingly stumbled onto this site. It gives me closure now to know I am not alone. For the women who have had someone taken from them and felt like they were not worth what they deserved due to this game, you are strong and beautiful people. For the people who defend this addiction and have nothing better to do than torment us with thoughtless comments, well I am sincerely sorry that you do not have anything else to do with your time. Specifically for John Doe, I am a successful career women with a college degree and a very bright future, not some ugly girl. You are an ugly person for being this petty and may God have mercy on your soul! This game has cost me a wonderful person that I thought about marrying and beginning a life with and gained me a broken heart. Healing begins today ladies… so God speed Widows of WOW.