Yahoo! Groups : WoW Widows — Not entirely unexpected, World of Warcraft has an internet support group for those abandoned and neglected by their Warcraft-playing loved ones. Unless you have a similar issue at home, you should only read and reflect. You don’t go to the circus, jump into the center ring and start doing tricks with the lions, fcs.
Sounds rough & you’re probably right but to be honest if she was cheating she would’ve been gone 3 years back.
You see it’s a bit of a racial thing so let me just be a random white guy & get on with my nerdy game instead of learning chinese & trying to fit in.
Anyway, I ask her up-front about stuff all the time & if she’s lying then why the hell is she still here? It’s not like I’m rich or anything, should I choose to ignore her word that she loves me & misses me because she chooses not to take 2 hours worth of travel to see me and watch godawful big brother with her sisters instead 🙂
And yep, I gave the impression she was stonecold but she occassional stitches my shirts or makes random little things for me. One last thing, it’s rare to see my own faults but I think this thread’s been disrupted enough & apologise to anyone I attempted to criticise. I’m no expert, no-one is.
Uh, Dr. Phil…I mean Mike, You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about when it comes to me, my post, my relationship, why I reposted, anyone else on this post and/or your own posts. This is supposed to be a place to vent frustration, not seek relationship counseling from an apparent novice….it’s these little ticks that grind me. On that note ~ your not that smart (as I put it). Relationships 101: Don’t ever underestimate a woman. All women are different but their are those women that can ‘stay’ for a variety of unexplained reasons, even while cheating. It doesn’t mean that her man is all that or even that she is in love with him. They can and do lie. Some are down right evil. Every relationship is different. Pay attention to your own as “I’m no expert, no-one is”.
Eric ~ I am sorry about your situation. It does suck and it was not cool. I, too, worked similar shifts and it is hard to have any kind of a life when you work those hours. I am assuming your fiancee is a nurse? If so, nursing is a very hard job that is both mentally and physically taxing. It can take a toll on your brain as well as your relationship. It did in my last relationship. I’m not sure if you were with her when she first became a nurse, but over time-the extreme highs and lows, along with all the responsibilities and expectations that nurses deal with, will make you a different person. Thank goodness that my BF deals with similar highs and lows at his job too, so he understands when I need to come home and just drop.
That’s where the WoW game thing comes in to play or any game for that matter. It’s all about balance or a relationship can suffer-even if there is loads of trust. You definitely need to make time for each other, on a regular basis and it sounds like your situation was a real challenge in that area:(
You said that you moved out of state for a job? How often do you come home? Maybe you could move and just give it some time? Including some time for yourself.
*Note* I am not a counselor, I just play one on tv 😛
You’re right, she is/was a nurse- taking time off now i guess to work at a casino so she can pay bills (don’t ask me what all that’s about; she said something about wearing skimpy skirts).
I moved from maryland to texas at the end of march. she moved to join me 1 month later, coming out to see me at the 2 or 3 week point as well. I’m assuming in that month she really started talking to the guy. the first week here she did nothing but play and sleep, taking quick breaks to eat. i think she must’ve snapped. i dunno.
I’m a little curious at how long the lying was going on- only in the context of wondering if I should be worried about an std or something. She was acting very weird for a long time. went from wanting to be a mommy asap to not wanting kids. I was thinking maybe HPV.
Luckily I have some very good friends around here and I’ve had the support I need to move on. I still have some physical remnants of all the betrayal: woke up with chills this morning (and most mornings), had an anxiety attack over getting the locks changed yesterday, still don’t have much of an appetite, and have lost almost 30 pounds so far.
Our relationship was going bad for a long time but I’ve never had anyone lie to me this much or had anyone intentionally damage my psyche like this (she said a lot of stuff before she left and before I knew what she was doin). This whole experience feels very similar to the time I went to Vegas and was hustled constantly and even had my room robbed.
She’s about the last thing I wanna think about anymore. I have fully accepted how done she was with the situation and know that she’d never indulge in anything like guilt, remorse, or genuine interest in my well being.
It’s time for me to find somebody worth my time; or at least time to find somebody to have fun with. I just pray to God that I find some justice in this situation, or at the very least- a clean bill of health.
I don’t want to move out of Fort Worth, I do like it here. I wish breaking my lease was more of an option. I think a weekend trip to Austin, Houston, or San Antonio would be fun- maybe next week. This weekend I have a good friend coming up to visit and we’re going to kick around all over DFW.
Wish me luck. 🙂
Lesson 102: Don’t get a bird like rose 😉 and thanks for all the cheating propaganda you guys it’s nice to know we’re all negative creeps out here, I mean if you’re so negative in the first place why not just come to terms that if you can’t keep yourself happy it’s just not time for a relationship.
Anyway rose, if you smartened up & took your head out of your arse you’d realise i’m calling you a hypocrite. When i said ‘you’re’ not too smart i mean you’ve got to trust someone if they say they’re going to change within a different environment (you’re too smart for that right).
mike-
you’re definitely right about that. I’ve decided to give up on the idea of finding someone else. Screw that. I’m hurting over this thing pretty seriously. I’m not ready to move on. I need to heal up some more first; live life on my own for a while till it gets somewhat normal.
I refuse to go through the hurt and the pain that has been explored on this site. It has been made pretty clear that this addiction is not something to take lightly and for good reason. Beautiful relationships have been destroyed because not enough value was placed on the other person because she/he were to busy playing a GAME! I’m dealing with this situation right now. I have no problem with my boyfriend having fun playing W.O.W, but when he chooses that game over me then I think I have a right to demand change. I know some guys out there justify extensive game use with the “maybe you’re just a bad girlfriend” argument and you know what, you guys maybe right. Maybe I am insensitive, demanding, high maintanence, and controling. Well if thats the case then my boyfriend will be better off without me so that he can go off and fing someone else that shares the same bizzare fascination with a virtual reality world. But I refuse to come second to a game for much longer. My boyfriend right now is my third priority in my life (behind my religion and my family) and I would drop almost anything to be able to see him. Especially now because I’ll be leaving for college soon and won’t be able to see him for months. I think i deserve someone who values me just as much as i value him. I’m drawing the line tonight.
meh. I was going to respond to Mike, but I am too lazy.
Thanks good I found this site. This WOW shit has overwhelmed me since the first day my husband started into raids. He left school (4th year engineering) just for that stupid game. I never opposed to the idea of playing, he started playing 2 days a week (16 hours) and now he is practically stick on the computer everytime. So, Yesterday he was at a raid and I asked him for a divorce. I can’t stand this anymore. At least I know that I’m not alone. Life go on.
After reading some of these posts, I thought I’d respond to the argument that this game doesn’t make your bf or gf an addict or create problems; the problems were already there. I disagree. Prior to my boyfriend playing WoW, he did get up and go places with me. This game is like crack; I don’t care what anyone says.
Because of the time required to play this game (I’ve played it before and thought it was a huge time sink) and the loyalty to guild members, WoW creates an alternate world that soon becomes reality for some. What happened to the days when guys would go out and enjoy the outdoors? (Girls, too, as video games are not strictly a male hobby.) It seems that people can conquer the world with a joystick or they can venture to other worlds without having to move a muscle.
I think that’s sad, actually.
How much longer can I wait? My boyfriend focuses so much time on this game that if I left and came back four hours later, he would think I was only gone for twenty minutes.
I’m worried because the expansion pack is coming out soon, which means less communication and any hope of spending time with him. I am beginning to feel I come second to a game as well.
Johanna –
What you are feeling is completely valid, but you have been misled. You CAN pause the game (it’s just that players choose not to – they are playing with other people who are all dependent on one another to accomplish a goal. People that are not, of course, the wives, husbands, children or other family members who may depend on some attention and help). The game CAN end – whenever the player chooses to stop playing. But of course we know it isn’t that simple. I hadn’t seen my husband in over a week. What he did when he got back was give me a quick kiss and go off to the computer. WoW has officially had more face-time in the last month than I have. And it is his choice. For us to have to be more interesting than a video game where there are no real consequences (even death, for example, is something you recover from in 5 minutes or less), is an unrealistic expectation. I feel as though the game is being chosen over our 4 month marriage, and to any RPG players out there who feel that their wives have to be a satisfying enough alternative to a world that doesn’t expect any more of you than to devote hours on end to its neverending wonderland of pixelly stimuli, get help. Or get out.
For the record, I was a level 30 hunter – I tried for so long to play the game as something we could do together. The problem was that it started to take over my life – I wasn’t eating, exercising, or sleeping regularly. When I decreased the time I spent playing in pursuit of more cerebrally-stimulating tasks such as writing and reading, my husband advanced in level and left me in the dust – suddenly, it was too boring to play with me. Eventually, it was too boring to do anything with me. If he ultimately chooses the game over me, it is not I that am the sad one. It will be he that is pathetic and lonely.
I am losing my wife of 15 years to Warcrack. I wish I knew what to do. But I don’t. I hate this game with such a passion… and yes to all you fools who think that just playing the game with her would make things better… I tried… The game sucks the life out of you… and I would rather live in reality and be with my beautiful kids. I found that if I sat down to play for just a half an hour, I’d get up and sometimes 3 or 4 hours would had passed. I couldn’t continue to lose that much of my life especially when I spend 50 hours a week working. And when she did play with me she would get mad because I wasn’t as good at playing as her new best friends online, the evil guildies. She is a stay at home mom so she had all day to sit around and level up. I quickly fell behind. I’d come home to a trashed house and no dinner before she finally made it to level 60 and I pointed out to her that she had spent 838 hours getting to level 60. That was just one character in a period of about 5 months. She has a number of other characters that’s she’s spent tons of time on too.
She ignores me every night… I who still find her sooo beautiful and would love to make love to her every night… or even just give her massage… anything to be with her… she ignores the kids and when they joke about her addiction she actually accuses me of implanting the ideas in their head. As if they’re too stupid to see it for themselves. I think they can remember trying to go see fireworks on the 4th of July and having to sit in the car while mom tried to finish a raid… and then when she did come with us… she was all pouting cause we made her leave right at the boss. My eight year old actually drew a comic strip about a video game taking over the world by brainwashing people… and in the last frame he points out that the game’s name is Warcraft.
I’ve tried talking to her about it and she did scale back her gaming to a degree, at first. But now it’s back to every night. I go to bed alone every night. She sometimes tries to make it up to me in the mornings… but I feel like an afterthought… like she’s just doing it to keep playing the game.
We’ve been married for 15 years and I love her more than ever. I want to grow old and die at the same time as her. But she posted her picture up on her guild website so all the boys could see how hot she was. That’s when she really started to shut me out of the game… cause she didn’t want me on her guild chat. The more I complain to her about it the further away she goes from me… but then if I don’t say anything she will just get further into the game.
I started writing this yesterday… and this last weekend was especially hard for me as my grandmother passed away and her funeral was on Saturday… well Friday night was a raid… Saturday night was another raid… and Sunday I was completely blown off before even dinner so she could… you guessed it… do another raid. A period where I needed her love the most, the raids were more important.
Well last night.. came home.. and you guessed it… another fucking raid! After she had been playing for almost 3 hours I finally asked her if she was going to be on there all night again… and then I just blew up as she started laughing at me… like I was some kind of fool. And did she get off then and deal with her crumbling marriage? No! She stayed on there for another 45 minutes until she could finish the stupid quest that she was on. Beware of this game. Totally f’ing evil. For what it’s worth… my wife has played a few other games… but none has ever caused this much pain.. this much alienation… She played the hell out of Final Fantasy. She uses the same excuse as all these other people… that she hardly ever gets to play.. that it’s just a fun thing to do. Totalling up all the hours from all her characters shows that she’s spent more time on the game since she bought it than I have spent at work… yet she “hardly gets to play.” That my is a serious addiction. I’ve asked her to go get help… but I don’t think she’s going to. In the meantime, I’m moving into the guest room tonight.
My boyfriend plays WoW, Dota, and any other game you could possibly think of. He plays for hours and hours on end, to the point where I only see him 1-2 nights a week (usually weekends) despite the fact that I live about 5 miles away from him. It is ridiculous that a game (or several games) can dominate your life so exclusively. It is downright sad that I’ve considered leaving not only the relationship, but the state, more times than I can count. Every time I mention leaving, he gets upset and asks me to stay. Things will get better for a day, and then degenerates rapidly into another gaming orgy. He loves me, but he loves his games more. Could I leave him? Yes, but not easily. I remember what he was like BW- Before WoW. When he would drive a couple hours to go visit me at school, or call me randomly to do something.
To those people who are telling us to stop our complaining, that it isn’t as if games are to blame and it isn’t as if WoW killed our SOs, I issue a challenge. If your SO went shopping, or drinking, or gambling, or or waxed their cars, or went to strip clubs, or obsessed about ANY ONE activity for 4 or 6 or 10 hours a day, wouldn’t you react like us? It shows a lack of depth that someone will do something exclusively to the detriment of their real lives. Variety is what keeps people healthy. If you want to play a game, fine, but a game shouldn’t take over RL. It shouldn’t be in such large amounts that your SO spends 80% of their free time alone, just because you wont budge from your computer desk. Yes, there are educational games, yes, games can be fun. I doubt that anyone here would argue that all games are hideously evil. We’re arguing that the amount of time spent on these games is hideously evil. All we want is our lives back as they were BW — Before WoW. Don’t judge us until you’ve lost everything because of someone’s addiction to a specific activity.
Just checking in.
Life’s gotten a LOT better. Been talking to a prospective new “miss right” (though still fielding candidates hehe). Going outta town for a week. Things are definitely looking up.
So nice not to have to base my life around trying to capture the attention of someone who’s just not into it. I think many of you people still suffering through someone ignoring you could definitely benefit by giving your SOs a wakeup call or by giving them the boot. If their addiction is stronger than the threat of divorce papers, then they’re reall not in the relationship anymore anyway.
Sad thing is that I do like to game too, but no more than an hour or 2 a night; unless it’s a really slow weekend.
Still a lil tough filling that big hole in my life, as I don’t know many people in my town, but I’ll get there. 🙂
Good luck everybody
My (ex) boyfriend started playing WoW when he split up with his exgirlfriend and was between jobs for a little while. He still played at night and on weekends after he started his new job he’d often raif til 2am and then drag himself out of bed for work a few hours later. I always told him to get to bed earlier but he wouldn’t listen.
Anyway, he moved interstate a month ago, where he didn’t know many people, so he spent lots of time raiding. I was so excited to be visiting him for 4 days, but he told me prior to the visit that he’d be raiding on one of those nights, and told me I was being unreasonable becuase I expected him to be excited after not having seen me for a month, and wanting him to focus his attentions on me rather than some stupid game. So I told him that I was going to change my travel plans, or stay with a friend. The day of my trip came around, and of course I wanted to see him, so he picked me up from the airport. No kiss, no hug, no ‘I’ve missed you’, nothing. We got back to his place and he started swearing because he’d been kicked out of the queue. He got back in line while I finished some work. I told him I didn’t go there to watch him playing at his computer. Anyway, he sat down, in his computer chair with his headset on, completely oblivious to the fact that I’d packed my things and left for my friends place. It was almost 2 hours later til he even realised I was gone.
I was so sick of being neglected, ignored for some stupid game, I ended it. He knew exactly how I felt, he cancelled his accounts the next day but as far as I am concerned it was too little too late.
So, WoW ruined our relationship, as a couple and as friends. I can’t believe what it got to before he could see the light. It is a very dangerous and addictive vice. He used to say it was better than him out it a gutter on drugs or stealing cars.. but I really think it’s much much worse.
I’m devastated and how I could have lost him to something that itsn’t even real.
I have a husband and he plays this game. He works 12 hours shifts 3 to 4 days a week. He comes home, takes a shower, turns on his game and is there for the rest of the night. God forbid I say anything about his game play. Its what he likes to do. He is getting fat. He sits there like nothing is wrong. He eats at his computer, drinks his beers and plays his game. From the time he gets home he is on WoW. We have had several fights about him playing. Ya know, I dont care that he plays it, its the ammount that he plays. I find myself sitting in the other room as he clicks and types away. I feel so distant from him. He talks about these “special items” that he can sell, or level up. I dont give a crap about them. I tell him I dont want to hear about it. I dont want to be included in any conversation about this game. I can not give him satisfaction of talking to me about what he does in that game. I simply can not go to that level. I have thought about leaving him because of his game play. But what is that going to do for me. I love him. I dont want to be without him, but really, what do I have right now… nothing. He tells me that if I had a hobby I wouldnt bitch about the game. If I had something to do that I liked, his gaming wouldnt bother me, but I beg to differ. I hate the person that he has become. We dont have sex as much as we used to. He is always “tired”. I even think he peels his contacts off his eyeballs at the end of his sessions. What are women like me supposed to do. We love these men, but they have soemthing that they like to do better than us. Is there any hope for us. Can i pray that he gets bored with this game. The last thing I said about this game was that I would “torch his computer”. I would light that bastard on fire and dance naked around it. I would laugh like the devil and enjoy every moment. Then you could read the obituary in my local paper about me. Ohh but it would be a sweet death!
Hi all,
I played WoW for about a month and stopped. I’ve done the hardcore gaming thing before (in university) but I guess I just grew up somewhere along the line. I generally don’t find games as interesting anymore.
I have to agree with the person above and say that many of the people who play this kind of game have unresolved issues about real life and are unhappy with their jobs/relationships/life in general. I know this from experience.
My advice to those of you who are in a relationship with somebody in this spot is: do NOT waste your time. I’m not saying “leave them”, I’m saying, don’t procrastinate and don’t mess around. Figure out what you need from the relationship, whether it is time, or attention, or (my guess) genuine interest. Let them know exactly how unhappy you are without blaming, tell them that you can only handle them gaming X much hours a week (ideally the two of you can discuss this), otherwise you will be forced to leave. And stick to it. If they don’t follow the plan you’ve worked out… GO.
Life is too short to waste your time on somebody who for whatever reason is not supplying you with the love you need.
I know, they are really wonderful people on the inside – you are right – the saddest thing about their addiction is that it is covering up a wonderful person. But it is their issue and nothing you can do, believe me, is going to fix it for them. They have to know that their life is off-balance and want to change. I’ve been there.
You need more than this and you WILL get it if you do what is necessary.
PS. To those of you in committed relationships, with marriages or children, I am deeply sorry. Obviously you will want to put as much as you can into getting them out. But again… don’t waste your time. Do it now.
Hi all,
I think it’s strange how “embaressed” people are by the whole fessing up thing. Speaking from my own experience, there’s no doubt that computer games ARE addictive, but no-one outside of a handful of forums treats them as such. You have all the same things associated with drugs/alcohol. Eg, obsessive behaviour, poor sleep patterns, poor diet, not bothering to shower/brush teeth, dishonesty concerning usage, ignoring social obligations and on and on… I used to play compulsively – not Wow, or Everquest but this stupid old game called Rise of Rome. Been clean for 2 weeks so far, but at times the desire to get back online, download the game, is OVERWHELMING – like being beside a powerful magnet. Anyway, wish me luck!
I’ve set up this website called optimalwebsite.co.uk to help new businesses set up online and am pouring my time into this… Hopefully this will occupy my time and be successful.
Kind regards
It is so therapuetic to have found this webiste and find out that I am not alone. My story is the same. I’ve been married one year. My husband started playing WOW 8 months ago. He works a full-time job as a Programmer and then spends 40 to 60 hours playing that studip damn WOW game. I am also smart enough not to take this personally. But I have nonetheless lost my husband to this game. I’ve moved out temporarily on several occassions…and guess what…that just allows him to play WOW guilt free. It’s clear this obsession is not going to end anytime soon. It’s like they have been brain washed or are in a transe or something…they are just crazy. I also have no problem with gaming. It’s the amount of time and the fact that EVERYTHING else suffers for it. There is also no reasoning with thim. They are obsessed! How long are we supposed to hang around before we see if they are going to come out of the WOW transe? Maybe we need to start a social club for all the WOW widows and widowers out there!!!!!!!
I just discovered this site and I gotta say, “Amen Amen Amen!” to Mieka’s Feb. comment! I have a hubby who is totally engrossed in WoW and had I known he was this obsessive I would have thought twice about marrying him. Actually, if he had been playing this while we were dating I would have probably dropped his ass! Sadly, three years into our marriage he discovered WOW. And now we have a two-month old…no leaving now…To all you girlfriends out there thinking marriage with a wow gamer…DON’T DO IT! HE WON’T CHANGE HIS WAYS!!
What’s worse is not only my husband into the game but his bro too so when we get together that’s all they talk about!! How nauseating that the only conversation two brothers can have is about a dumb game! I get so fed up with him cussing about how he has to run all the way back to his body from the graveyard when he dies. So what!! Log off already and do something productive! Get another hobby! Do me if you’re that bored! Why are you taking your baby’s formula and diaper money to pay for your stupid subscription when you get so irritated at the server lag or you can’t get the right dragon you want or you need more gold or you have to do lots of traveling on your feet cuz you don’t have level 40 transportation!! It actually makes me cringe inside when he plops down on the couch next to me to discuss how his WOW characters are doing…AS IF I CARE YOU MORON!
Man this is therapeutic! I’ve never really gotten it out before.
But it’s not all bad…he does take small breaks here and there, though I cannot understand why he would choose to come home straight from work where he spends eight hours staring at computer screens to do the same with this game. He works from 5am to 1:30 then comes home, eats lunch. Logs on at around 2:00 (and that’s stretching it) and spends the rest of the day “grinding” till 9pm. Needless to say he likes to stay in his cave and is somewhat anti-social not to mention very pasty white. I always thought these nerd gamers were overweight ugly pimply boys…my man looks good, great body…though he is whiter than he should be…and guess what, I put bronzer on him so that it looks like he gets out in the sun! (Hope you’re reading this babe)
And about the sex thing – there have been times when I have been turned down cuz he’s on some dumb ass quest and he can’t let his crew or whatever the hell they’re called down!
Excuse me! You don’t even know these people! You’d turn down sex with me to see these people through some dumb quest for a piece of armor or something! Give me a break!
I do wish someone would send a really bad virus to all the WoW servers so that all these people would have to stop playing or something! Maybe they would actually find a life!!!
Thank you all for letting me speak my peace…I think I shall do it more frequently on here.
Goddam!
Nearly 3 weeks now! Clean as a whistle! Woohoo! Go me! Nearly had a relapse earlier but I’m alright!!!! Rock on my website/business. http://www.optimalwebsite.co.uk – had a query from ebay (2 actually) and hopefully will be able to convert it to a sale… just got to figure out how to build a webshop…. it’ll be my first one but I wont tell the client that!!!
hehehehe!!! 😉
Joel
What can I say about WarCraft? Do not get me wrong, I like it. I havw played it. I understand its appeal. But let me tell you a story about my partner. He is 50 years old and has been unemployed for the past year and a half. And even before that his employment record has been spotty since the beginning of 2003. I know he has issues, primarily ADD-related. I have tried to be as supportive as I know how to be. I am paying the bills, I have signed the loan to send him back to school for retraining, I am paying for ADD therapy/coaching to help give him structure. In short, I am doing everything I can.
When he started ADD therpay/coaching he had promised that he had given WarCraft up. That was one of my conditions. He even had me change the password on his account. I was willing to give it a go. I wanted to believe. Well, maybe two months went by and I found out the game was reinstalled. So I talked to him about it, I talked to the therapist/coach about it. The three of us talked about it. He promised again to give it up. This time, I thought maybe I was not there enough. So, I made a point of spending more time with him. We watched movies at night. I make sure we did fun things on the weekends, I tried to be there for him and distract him from the game. But, this was not enough. Tonight, I found it reinstalled again. How long did he give it up for this time? No idea. But it was reinstalled three weeks ago.
If he was doing well in school, that would be one thing, I think I could somehow figure out a way to live with this problem. But, he is not doing well. It has been two or so months since he passed he last certification test. Tonight, he told me the problem was that the school was not good enough. After all, it is only a Microsoft Gold Training Partner and the damn school only costs USD15,000.
In short, he is throwing his life down the tubes. I will not mention the collection agencies after him (I thank God we are not married, he is not on the apartment lease, that our money is separate). I am scared for him because I love him. And, I am scared, in spite of the coaching, the school, and all the support I try to give, that it is will never be enough. I am scared he will end up living underneath a bridge trying to find an electric outlet so he can plug in a compter and play some more WarCraft.
I have done some reading I understand this is an addiction. I have read studies that mention the increased levels of dopamine in the brain that hard-core gaming can produce. I have read studies that indicate that ADD people have a dopamine deficiency. I think WarCraft and him somehow have created the proverbial perfect storm. But, like all addictions, this is destroying him.
While, I know many of his present problems are not because of WarCraft, It sure as Hell has not helped. Tonight, I am hesrtbroken. Thanks for listening.
Plantain – I drew this pic a while back as an expression of my frustration!
oops, codes don’t work. Here’s the link: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b390/beccr216/blowup.jpg
Am I addicted to WoW? Well, perhaps. I usually spend about 15 hours a week playing (roughly 2-3 hours a day for about 5 days a week). It’s fun, it’s a hobby. But let me say this: I guaran-damn-tee you that if my wife paid even the slightest attention to me in the first place, or even still, and remotely showed affection (not sex, just genuine loving and caring – you can see that, or lack thereof, in your eyes and facial expressions) that I’d hop right off or not get on at all. BUT, when all I get is yelled at for anything and everything under the sun?
Yeah, what would you choose? Yelled at…or not…?
Oh my God!! just found you all here so..I am not alone in this frustrating World Of Wasters and thats mild because I wont resort to swearing on the forum. Seven years he has been telling me he is going to cool it down. He sells his characters and gets rid of the game only to re-instate WOW or some other online crap.Dont get me wrong its his bag an all that but get a life man and give me mine we have not had a night out for years he has an excuse all the time.Truth is he is too engrossed in his online gaming.I come home from work clean and cook and sort out washing and kids etc, him.. straight on the PC playin WoW.What makes me laugh is when I walk in the room he somtimes minimises it in his task bar pretending he is checking work emails. Do you men think we are so stupid. The other day his online virtual pal phoned him and asked where they were going to meet which confused the hell out of me as he lives on the other side of the world but hey… here we go they meet in thier virtual world on bloody warcraft AAARGH. I cant stand it he sits there day in day out sweating looking like a complete boffin it worries me cause I want to suffocate him and my friends say this worries them that I may need help, well as far as I am concerned he needs help or he will with the kids when I leave.
What can i say that hasn’t already been said…
I consider myself a Warcraft widow. This is appropriate naming as you feel as if your future is dying.
I have experienced it all. I have a fiance who has levelled 4 60’s in 14 months. I know my sh!#.
Played myself, had the fights, had the promises and even rostered days of play..much to my dismay it did not stay that way. He even played when his daughter came to visit once a fornight.
He eats most of his meals at the comp which i so lovingly make knowing he’ll eat it cold anyway.
OK so get a hobby you say so i joined the gym (not for long) and watched him put on weight from gaming all hours of the day and night. Yes it gave him more gaming time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder…if you know they are actually absent!
Going to bed alone is normal for a warcraft widow, we eventually get used to all that extra space in the bed.
OK so enough whinging cos i’m sick of it. Gamers might find this a little vindictive to someone you love but drastics times mean drastic measures so this is what you do…
1. All meals get served cold as that is obviously how they like it. Or don’t make it at all. Gaming is playing so he can make it himself. Or, all meals must be eaten at the dining table. No exceptions!
2. Your hobby must take more time than his gaming (whether you want to or not and appropriately when and if he is not playing that day or night.) BE PREPARED!! You need to have an instant getaway plan. If your at home with the kids, let them run carefree around daddy at the comp. ten to one he’ll get annoyed and go rank but at least you’ll be able to say “Honey, they just want to play with their dad” (Won’t he feel bad)
3. Heard this one “but there’s nothing else to do”. What did they do B.W (before warcraft)? What was their prior hobby? suggest drives, picnics on weekends, trips to the beach, visits to friends, throw a bbq (he’s gotta at least TRY and entertain), Play criket in the backyard or park, basketball,honestly the list goes on. Watching a movie is NOT and option as you don’t actually spend time together.
4.TELL him to take you out to dinner when there is a huge raid on (lets just see how important you are)
5.Don’t give out! Hello feel used or anything! They have 4 modes – sleep, game eat and you know what! That is the only roster they will stick too. so change the roster to suit you! (during his game of course)
Seriously some work some don’t. Give em a try. This website exists for a reason because the people we love are in trouble and need a wake up call.
Hey, I’m just trying to help!
For those of you who do not agree with my methods and think they are silly and petty, then if they are silly and petty they won’t be a problem, will they!
Wake up and smell the roses gamers, your life is falling apart and you won’t even pause to save it! Well for more than five minutes (that is the acceptable amount of time to be AFK).
I’m still trying to save mine…
Good luck to all who at least try.
I’m just tired of thinking about what we could be instead of what we are… both alone in reality. Which is where i am.
i would definitely say that you ladies aren’t in relationships anymore. His relationship’s with the game and the rest of his life has become the “mundane”.
i’m shocked that there are fathers who’re ignoring their kids for this game- i mean parents are supposed to set an example.
if the threat of leaving hasn’t caused him to change his behavior, then i doubt it’s going to change and if it’s bothering you that much then you’re probably better off leaving.
the longer it goes on the more miserable you’ll grow. i also don’t think it does the kids any favors to witness addictive behavior firsthand. I’m sure the courts wouldn’t have a hard time considering the game “abandonment” or “emotional abuse”.
not trying to tell you gals what to do, but food for thought if it’s really making you miserable.
Oh I am soooooooooo excited to have found this website. I know now that I am not the crazy one – there are a ton of other people that are going through the same crapola. This is outragious BS and I have no idea why I am putting up with it. His freaking loud typing wakes me up everynite. He plays ANYTIME he is not sleeping or at work. This gives him a good 10-12 hours a day to play. I dont know why he even bothers having a GF, oh wait now I remember, its because my dumb ass makes all the money and pays all the bills. Ugh I am so happy to have found this website, but so pissed from listening to that damn clicking all nite that I need to go to another room, one that is far away from his computer right now.
nyc_widow and Alysia, I know what you’re going through… For 3 1/2 years, my boyfriend was in college and skipped classes while I worked one FT jobs, taught PT, and picked-up a weekend gig every Christmas. Back then, it was gaming, then a year ago Warcrack became the game of choice. He’s working now, but I work full-time and come home to take care of everything with the house: taking out the garbage, cooking, cleaning, laundry, car maintenance, pet care, grocery shopping, bill shopping, the list goes on…
I feel like a maid.
My only words of caution are to make sure that when he’s not cranking his Warcrack to make sure he’s not chatting online with other female gamers. I could go on about webcams, but I won’t.
Anyway, my situation with his Warcrack hasn’t changed. The incessant clicking and typing is enough to drive me mad. He’s still gaming, if not longer. Like I said previously, I don’t mind gaming—I love FPS games—but when everything else in life takes a backseat to gaming, that’s a problem.
I’ve known people who were so addicted to this game that they played before and after work. I’m giving myself another few months, and if our future isn’t important, then I’ll sadly leave and take my heart with me while he’s clutching that mouse and wearing those stupid headphones.
I just asked how many hours he has played total = I think I may win hands down. ONE HUNDRED and SIXTY DAYS ( and thats just with this particular character, who knows how many total). The endless CLICKING!!!!!!! I always think about leaving him too, and have even told him, but he doesnt care, he is basically very open that he will pretty much take the game over the relationship. I go through different emotions, but honestly if he left me today I dont think that I would care – I would just be glad about getting a nite of rest without the clicking and typing like a mad man. I miss the old BF I had before this crap… I’m not against the game but I a against the hours!!!!!!!!! We arent in a relationship anymore, we are just room mates that get on each others nerves. I’ve talked to a therapist about this situation and he’s given some great advice, but it all leads to the end of the relationship. I guess I really am just prolonging the inevitable.
Alysia darling, if it has come to the point of seeing a therapist and he hasn’t been there to support you or hasn’t allowed for some compromisation, you may not have anything left to salvage. At one point i thought mine was playing to get away from me as well, but it looks to me that yours is avoiding you a little intentionally…but that’s my opinion.
I hope you make the right decision…you only get one life…spend it with more happy moments than sad. Humans are social creatures, we need other human interaction so who can blame you moving on. People change, and his life is going on a different path than yours…nowhere!
Take Care and look after you first and foremost!
Alysia
Yeah, there are plenty of us guys out there that want our girl to actually wanna spend time with us. Ditch the loser and find someone better. 🙂
Alysia,
I know exactly what you’re going through. My soon-to-be-ex-husband would play WoW all day and night in our bedroom when I was trying to sleep. I’d end up sleeping on the couch in the living room because the two hour fight over whether he had more right to play than I had to sleep just wasn’t worth it.
He and I played a lot of MMOs together, from FFXI to CoH to WoW, and I have the experience. (I have 4 60s in WoW, and a variety of other chars). It’s not a question of “learning to play the game” or sharing his hobbies. It was his only hobby. He never left the house, he’d eat in front of the computer. He would sleep during the day when I was at work and stay up all night. I never ever saw him when he wasn’t at the computer. He would play with headphones to talk to his guildmates on ventrilo, so I couldn’t even talk to him.
I myself have felt the addictive call of the game, but I’ve been able to pull myself away and play casually (I still play), but he was never able to.
I eventually went to counselling to see if there was something wrong with me, something I could change. Or maybe if there was just a strategy I could try to improve our relationship. He refused to come with me.
The ironic part about all of this, is that while he was busy chatting with his guildmates, I met someone else through WoW that eventually won my heart. With his help, I ended my relationship with my husband, and now we are together. He is a WoW player as well, he has decided that being happy with me and with his life is more important than this game. And the divorce paperwork should be going through any day now 😀
To make a long story short, my relationship with my husband was doomed. But it’s not the fault of WoW, it’s the fault of my ex-husband. He didn’t value me, or himself, and he didn’t value our relationship enough to put the effort into it.
In my opinion, you need to evaluate your relationship, talk to your significant other, and give him an ultimatim. If he doesn’t change his ways, then you have no choice but to leave him. It is not worth making yourself miserable over. And you may be missing out on even better opportunities by sticking around.
Thanks to all ya’ll who were kind enough to spend some time and give me some words of advice. You all probably spent more time bothering to post than my bf spent talking to me today. Really I do just need to stop talking about it and actually either stop crying about it and suck it up or get the heck out of here!!!! hopefully this doesnt scar me for life – it is hard to sit here and think that a person who you dedicated almost 3 years to is willing to pick a game over you:(
What really ticks me off is that every now and then, he says, “OK honey…my server’s doing repairs tonight so I can’t play”. And I’m supposed to jump up and down like a happy puppy because I get one night in seven to spend with my husband????? He acts like he’s doing me a FAVOR and that I should appreciate this, when what I want is for him to WANT to spend time with me over the game. He says I’m jealous and he’s so right. I shouldn’t have to compete with a stupid game to spend some quality time with my husband.
I say AMEN to that sister!!!!!!!!! I have to admit that since I have joined all the groups I could find on the internet, he has improved somewhat. I am trying to stay calm and meet him halfway since it seems like right now he is trying to meet me halfway. Although I have asked him to wash those dishes all day…………………………………….
Ok, I respect the fact that my boyfriend of a lil over two years has a hobby, it could be worse he could be addicted to strip bars. But it’s getting to the point where his days off of work are devoted to WOW. When I am with him and his friends all I hear his them talking about WOW and I’ve tried to be respectful and get into it and learn why it’s so addicting but I can’t see it. How can you sit on you ass for 11 hours to gain what a pouch for your weapons?? Are you serious? And when i try to explain to him that I feel like WOW is above me on his list of priorities he doesn’t understand. I don’t want to make him choose, I want him to still play but what do I do to make him cut down on the hours and hours he plays?!? Please help!!!
There is no other place on earth i would rather be then in the arms of my fiance…unless he is wearing headphones, then he can go F#*K himself!
Where’s my rum…
I know how you feel. My husband is addicted to WoW. Our one year anniversary is coming up in 3 weeks and he doesn’t want to go anywhere for it because he won’t get to play. I feel so neglected, and he even turns me down for sex because he’d rather play the game. The game is actually tearing our marriage apart because I have to take care of everything. I feel more like the mother of a 13-year-old boy than the wife of a 27-year-old man.
Im a full time student in college, i have a part time job that i schedule my hours which wont affect raids, and i try to spend time with my g/f but its hard b/c we have a complety different schedules. she is alos in college, She hates this game so much. I tell her that this is my hobby and she should get her own hobby and stop hating the game and me for playing it. were not married, we dont have kids, but when we get to that point i know the game is going on hold.
i’ve been with my boyfriend for more than over 4 yrs. a few months ago, i found out that he’s been txt msging / calling this girl from his guild (sending
I don’t mind that my boyfriend plays the game, hell I even play a fair amount of time. What I am worried about is the fact that he spends hours upon hours talking to one particular girl. I know the girl’s in game name, should I confront her about it?
I am pretty sure that he may tell this girl that he loves her and those kinds of things. I just want to know if I am wasting my time in our relationship.
Please give me some advice on if i should talk to her or not. He doesnt say anything about it, and tells me I am over-reacting about how much he enjoys himself with her.
Help please
My advice would be to join the WOW Widows group in yahoo and read some of the posts about SO’s establishing relationships with online gals. I dont think ( I better not!!!!!) that I am experiencing this in my house; if i am it will be the straw that breaks this camels back!!!!
I often feel like I have a third child now, one thats 29 years old and addicted to a game. We have our ups and downs with it. today I am PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Aranna!! I know what you feel like, you don’t want to come off like the jealous crazy type but then again you dont want to get hurt. Has he lied to you before?? If you have a relationship where the trust hasn’t been broken and he has never lied to you then I think you should trust him on this> But if he has lied in the past then I say go for it, you have a right to follow your gut and you know what as long as you dont go crazy on this girl and just have a casual convo with her your not doing anything wrong. I wish you luck!!
Hey, well I did talk to her, but so far she hasnt had much to say. Seems pretty shocked to know he had a girlfriend, which I guess I would be too, but also makes me almost positive something is going on.
He wont talk though, I confronted him and so far he hasn’t said anything. Wait and see when I get home I guess. I’m pretty sure we are over, don’t think I can live with it anymore. I watched A current afair last night (in australia) and they did a segment on being addicted to the game. It might as well have been about him, it was exactly the way he acts and everything.
Hey Aranna,
Im in Australia too. Wished I had seen the ACA show. I might check out their website.
And I am no longer a wow widow due to my s/o emails with a member of the opposite sex in game.
Pitty ya can’t PM on this site…
This is the link to the segment for all that are interested.
My BF isn’t so happy that I talked to this other girl. I don’t think he realises how many people he has hurt doing this, I mean it probably didn’t even cross his mind that this girl (who obviously has feelings for him) might be hurt by the fact that he has been hiding a girlfriend all this time.
ONE QUESTIOn – who watched south park tonite??? Oh my goodness, he was laughing his ass off and I was holding back the tears. I hope that was an eye opener for some of these freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!