Master of None

Over the weekend, Guild Wars pushed out a few micro-mini patches. They never tell us what the patches are for, just that terse “new patch is available … GET OUT AND GET IT” message. Not that I need to know, but I’m a curious sort.

Anyhow, I know from the loyal Slashdot readers at AFK Gamer that the terse message means: get out and patch or continue to be annoyed by patch spam every few seconds.

Cool, a patch, thought I. Don’t get that every day in Warcraft, not even every month. heh.

Big problem — patch introduced this universal crash bug somethingorother … hard lockup whenever the character moves. So I rebooted, and headed over to the Guild Wars site to see what’s up and if there’s an ETA (there’s never an ETA, but it could happen someday in some game.) I hadn’t spent too much time exploring their site before, OBVIOUSLY, or else I would have known that they don’t have message boards, just some knowledge base.

Has anybody anywhere ever gotten a solid answer to their question in any knowledge base in under 30 minutes? Those systems have the worst fucking search function on the planet; it would be faster to google.

I know why some gaming houses choose not to run a message board system — I just think it’s horseshit. They may sponsor some “official” fansite to run a system that they’ll occasionally “officially” post on, but what the fuck ever, because everyone knows it’s just a budget decision and the perfect cover for dodging questions.

I found some “official” fansite boards, slower than hell of course, no one knew anything but we could all agree that everyone was crashing. Fast forward ten minutes, and two message board refreshes later, there’s a new patch and all is well again. Damn, that’s service. I didn’t even have to ask.

Which is comforting, because I understand they already got my money, and as soon as sales for boxes and expansions, and whatever else they’ll try to dig out of me, have dried up, they can close up shop and say, “we’ve moved on to other things, you should too” and that will be that.

I’ll tell you what I wish they’d patch in GW instead of whatever it is they are patching: the goddamn mob cons. I’m level 10 now and I still have to sweat it out when a small band of level 5s jump me. If a couple of those mobs are AE healers, cue the fat lady because it’s all over.

Now what the fuck is that? I have no idea what the mob levels in this game mean, but I suspect it means “this mob was born as a level 5 and has only grown in strength. Enjoy.”

I had a quest from my Master Trainer when I was level 8-ish, had to follow him around while he was hunting somethingorother. The Master is level 5 or 6, I’m thinking I’ll have to babysit his ass all over this godforsaken map until he’ll finally give me my due reward. How wrong I was. That little fucker kicked major ass, never ran short on mana (actually called energy in GW) — he’s spamming specials and soloing these nasty patrols of healers and casters.

And when I say solo, I mean I stood way the hell back while he did his thing. Got my reward, went on my way.

Later, on another quest, I ran into an even-con mob and I figured that I was in big trouble then — killed him easily. He barely dented my noob armor and dropped like a sack of dirt.

Glad he wasn’t a healer. I’d still be fighting him.

8 thoughts on “Master of None

  1. After seeing the WoW boards I really don’t blame companies for saying screw it. I have *never* seen a worse place to post. In fact, the internet bbs I call my “home” is pretty much a hate site and it’s still warmer than the WoW forums.

    I’m not sure who I hate more, the whiners or the absolute losers who record a song tribute to “captian placeholder”.

    Yes I have issues.

  2. Are you soloing? I have a sneaking suspicion that the mob’s level reflects the expectation that a full group will be going against it. I always grab a full party of henchmen before I leave town.

  3. message boards are usually a pain in the ass, but that doesn’t mean that we want to do without them.
    Personally i expect message boards with any game nowadays, i find them entertaining to be honest, and it’s definitly nice if you can find some official info now and then

  4. HENCHMEN?!?!? I don’t do henchmen. Mostly because I’m cheap as hell in virtual worlds, but it’s also a pride thing. It starts with hiring henchmen, next thing you know, I’m dancing in my underwear by the main gate shouting “CANT TOUCH THIS!”

    Ya, message boards are a cesspit, but I wouldn’t be opposed to a strictly-moderated official forum. I’d bitch about it, of course, but I think it could work.

  5. The henchmen don’t seem to charge anything, maybe it’s just that as a level 7 noob I don’t have to pay or maybe it is low enough that I don’t notice the charge.

  6. You are correct, sir. No charge for henchmen that I’ve seen either, but you don’t get as much loot if they’re along … either because they engage or do the most damage to a mob, hell if I know. Just like my Master trainer, they kick some major butt.

    Well-behaved group members, too.

  7. For each ‘henchman’, be they machine or human controlled, your share of gold decreases as it’s shared out evenly amongst those in your group. I’ve also notice that the drop rate of items is lower than if you were to solo it. Personally I like to compromise and just take a healer along for the ride.

  8. Man let me tell you something absolutely amazing about nc, I’d been having this horrible texture loading error (video driver [hp much hate]) and I sent them a message at 3:00 a.m. 15 minutes later they respond with a link to a new video driver. Wow! They are really on top of things. The same thing happened when I lost my exclusive pre order item (waves targe casually and tosses into trashcan) as you can see I got it back. . .

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