Nightmare on Norrath

Recall that I spent a few hours redo’ing my EverCrack UI (user interface, noob), another hour redo’ing my hotkeys and checking my spell book … EQ is not kind to those that fall by the wayside … few more hours raising platinum by whoring buffs so that I could buy new and improved buffs, and finally, after about 12 hours prep time, I was ready to reenter the World of Norrath.

I disgust even myself.

I reenter to a brave new world of strange acronyms (MU, omg, wtf, MU NOW); a world of maps (ok, not all of them work); a world where some content is free to whoever has paid for it (emphasis on “some”). I hope no one noticed what a world of wonder it was for me.

HOWEVER, I did reenter on my terms this time — meaningless for dev’s, a rude awakening for players. The way I figure, I’m max level, I have reasonable equipment, I’ve been around the block about 349 times, the rest of youse better know your “S”, or we’re going to have problems.

Example: In an adventure group, not difficult, but if we F it up, it’s two hours wasted. The monk continues to pull after the cleric (ok, me) screams for mana. Fine, thinks me, he can run around at 20 percent health. Monk: I can mend (heal himself with a long-reuse, no mana skill). Me: Ok, mend yourself out of that one, then. (Four tough mobs)

After resurrecting the monk … and to his great credit, he didn’t train his group (us) with his dumass pull … the rogue decides that he is bored AND a hero. Foton does not heal rogues. It’s education. (for the rogue) After resurrecting the rogue, I explained the facts of EverCrack to these “old schoolers”. And by “old schoolers”, I mean characters created about three years after EQ went live.

Here’s the facts of life:

I am waiting for World of Warcraft but I was bored tonight.

I heal no one but the warrior; if you need a heal, I hope there’s a druid nearby, because we all know they have nothing else to do.

Not to belabor this, but in the old days, we actually did kill Kunark content with level 50s and without elemental armor. Trust me when I explain that you suck and it has nothing to do with equipment or level.

If you want a buff, open up that trade window with a donation, because this ain’t charity.

As a member of EverCrack’s holy trinity, I can have you booted from the group without cause. You give me cause, you can be damn sure that you’ll be gone.

If something fails, it doesn’t suck. There was a time when failure meant HOURS, sometimes DAYS, of recovery. That was called “immersion” and, alternatively, “The Vision”. Do not make an even bigger jackass of yourself by whining.

But, most importantly, I’ve been banging around in this game too long to put up with subpar play. You have five minutes to figure out your job, or I’m moving on to something far more productive. Like hailing random mobs that may, or may not, give a quest.

Good news though, we finished the adventure and got nothing of real value our reward.

When the group left me afterwards, the druid asked, “jeezus, what kind of a cleric are you?”

I’m your worst fucking nightmare. Any other questions?