Do It Yourself P0rn

Continuing with my week-long series about the solid waste at the bottom of society’s septic tank…

Few years back, in lovely EverQuest, I was playing on the premium server. This server was, by this time, only premium in its monthly fee; there really weren’t any benefits to playing there other than a lower population (albeit ALL level 65 characters of end-game raiding caliber). Hail, nightly races to whatever spawns we could scoop up!

Two of my fellow servermates were a real life married couple that had also originated from my home server, so I was very familiar with the kind of shit these two skanks would pull in the name of “roleplay”. Naturally, I didn’t acknowledge their existence and, fortunately for me, they joined a rival guild so our paths didn’t cross very often.

After they had been guilded with my rivals for a time, word started leaking out about their cyber antics … and I don’t mean antics with each other. *nudge nudge* Being the jaded gaming hag that I am, I don’t give much credence to cyber rumors — it’s one of the standard insults, particularly useful when attempting to insult a female: “Soandso cybers everyone!” “Soandso is really a guy, irl!”. You get the idea.

Apparently, Skank One and Skank Two decided to step up the cyber a notch because Mrs. Skank posted naked pictures of herself on their guild private message boards. How do I know this? BECAUSE THEIR GUILD SHARED SAID PICS WITH THE ENTIRE EQ GAMING COMMUNITY. How do I know the pics were really of her? Because Team Skank became infuriated and started threatening lawsuits and, basically, confirmed that the pics were genuine.

There were also rumblings that Mrs. (and Mr.) Skank had been trying to work out various real life hookups with guildmates. (run, run very very far away!!) As they never solicited me or any of my real life buds, I don’t know how valid this is, but I have a good guess.

Fast forward a few weeks, and the pics have made their way over to my home server’s privately-run message boards. Several pages of flames, hearty laughter and almost-audible wretching later, Mrs. Skank calls up the message board host company to complain and issue the standard Skank Lawsuit Threat. (wtf, how is anyone else responsible for your hosebaggery?) Host company is the employer of an EQ player from my home server, and he is promptly fired for (I’m guessing) moral turpitude — which frankly was not HIS turpitude, but the Skanks.

The message boards were shut down and eventually found another home, away from the Skanks, although if you were to visit the new boards to this very day, you will find a subliminal “FU Skank” in the logo and a warning to not post the Skank pics (even though you might be very tempted to do so). I’ve heard that you can Kaaza the pics, if you knew the Skanks’ character names and if you were very very very very very drunk and possibly had a serious head injury also.

That, in a nutsack, is how to create your very own Legendary personal p0rn. Legendary, in more ways than one.