Hey, Whatever Happened to that One Dude?

Why don’t I just tell you?

Remember that one dude who was guildleader of (yet another) guild that hates my guild and he claimed he got hacked and/or keylogged and, what a world! what a world!, their phat guildbank is gone and they might have to start whoring themselves for a living to survive in Le World of Warcraft? Well … whoring more, if that were at all possible. (Link if you need a refresher.)

So, he had tried for a few weeks to prop up his “I’ve been HACKED! and/or KEYLOGGED!” story for a week or two on my realm forums, and of course all of us were doing the “uh huh, sure”, and his guildmates were licking ass and telling us haters to stfu. And then, suddenly, he dropped off the face of the Earth.

A month went by without a word from him to his guildmates. We know this because we’d politely inquire of his guildmates and they said they hadn’t heard from him in weeks.

(That’s not suspicious at all. No way.)

And so, after weeks of no communication, his guildmates scattered to the winds and transferred to different servers or joined other raiding guilds, like mine, and that one dude became just a story we told our younger members who, often times, take every game character at face value.

Last week, some of our members got tells from “That One Dude” and he explained that he did get his account back from Blizzard after an EXHAUSTIVE investigation and he had server transferred and changed his character name. (As you do.) Despite several direct inquiries, he refused to disclose his new name or server … because “he didn’t want all that drama to follow him”, and he wished everyone well or something ridiculous like that.

Are these the actions of an innocent character? Several of his former guildmates think thought so.

So. Being the fucking guerilla master that I am, I resolve to get to the bottom of this cuz I’m tired of being labeled a hater cuz I won’t swallow bullshit.

Fortunately for me, some of his friends ratted out the thieving bastard and named the new server, and again fortunately for me, he’s as stupid as he is dishonest and he renamed his character similarly, although not quite searchable without more info, thereby saving me several hours (days) of fruitless hunting. Ba da bing, I have the server, I have the name, and now, thanks armory!, I have the guild.

And with the guild, which has forums, and a searchable member list with join dates, I now have the date he first expressed an interest in this other guild on a server far, far away from his own guild — a date one week prior to the day he claimed that he was HACKED! and/or KEYLOGGED! Why … it’s almost as if he planned the whole thing.

Ya’know, it’s almost not fair how smart I am compared to the average gamer. It’s like I’m that Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court and I can frighten the superstitious populace with my superior knowledge of a solar eclipse. It’s magic, be afraid!

It’s interesting to me how otherwise (mostly) honest people assume a fake name in a game, and sometimes a fake personality, and their dishonest, thieving nature comes to light. It’s doubly interesting that there’s always apologists and hive minds to defend them. His original story didn’t even make sense and yet, there they were, buzzing around his level one posting alt calling the rest of us jealous haters.

The things some players will do, the things they will believe, all for loot — future loot, the hope of loot, the fond memory of past loot — that’s the magic.

Tomorrow: Meh, I ran out of time to tell you about the continuing woes of hunter sister and our man-whore paladin. I’ll save that one for tomorrow, plus … BabbleOn is back!! She’s still not speaking to us. Yet.

Congrats Douchebag!

I’d like to create a line of gaming greeting cards. There’s a real market for this!

Congrats Douchebag

Here’s just some of the possibilities:

The douchebag card line – congrats on avoiding a game ban, selling gold for $$$, making everyone’s /ignore list (except for the characters created in the last hour), pulling off a loot and scoot on UberGuild03. Plus, the classics: the loot ninja, the loot whore and turning cyber tricks for loot.

The whole imaginary love scene – congrats on imaginary girlfriend, imaginary fiance, imaginary wedding, the new cyber partner. Also, good luck on keeping it from the real wife (especially after she sees the greeting card in your email/guild boards.)

Just for your guildmates (or your rival guild’s members) – congrats on the promotion for no pay, repeated failing of a gear check (or intell check) mob, proving that human evolution is a myth, also, congrats on the /gkick, the guild hop, or guild poaching.

The key is authenticity. It’s not enough anymore to have a 1950s photo of a guy drinking a cup of shut the fuck up, the market needs authentic-looking flamebait with focused messages.

Even in my free time, I’m thinking of improved methods to best the internet other guy.

Here’s Lots of Stupid

"I got a girl pregnant"Here’s the promised screenshot, by Ohsnap, of a guild with many flavors of stupid. (Click » All Sizes for fully legible size.)

Now, the next time you think Foton is wrong about everyone on your server being a complete whackjob except for MAYBE ten, eleven people, I want you to return to this screenshot and remind yourself of the many flavors of stupid.

Meanwhile, back on my own server of stupid, remember the Guild That Hates My Guild who lost their guildbank to a two-time guildbank thief? (Here it is: The School of Hard Knocks in Session)

Well, they had been taking some heat lately for game drama and guild drama, and unfortunately for them, they’re too damn stupid to tell their own guildmates to keep their damn mouths shut so, of course, every last person knew of their troubles and was very entertained by it all. Including me.

And so, it is with some awe and mild surprise that I can report their guildbank has been stolen AGAIN, in another server-transfer and run scam — this time by the guildleader, whose e-friends and asslicking guild loyalists are trying to play this off as a hack job.

Hacked or fooled twice, which is the greater stupid?