Death, Taxes & Guild Drama

March 13, 2008 by • Filed Under Etc.24 Comments 
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Do NOT miss the recent e-drama (and RL drama!) that befell the World of Warcraft guild Death & Taxes on the Korgath realm. The thread is (temporarily?) gone from their public areas, but thanks to Google, the story has been cached.

(All of this is very NSFW: language, whoring, nudity, sexual content)

Here’s the tale as writ by Draacon:

Good evening. The following story is one that needs to be told, and told through pictures. To keep the site work safe on the main page, the pictures are going to be included in the post below this one. However, I will use this space to ensure that our resident Fluff Girl, Miyavi, gets the due attention she wants & deserves.

Miyavi came to our guild around December 2006. Her boyfriend, Mr. “Chobo” was one of our warriors and had a keen interest in tanking and utilizing his castrati-esque verbal assaults to motivate and move on guild members.

Anyway, Miyavi was a reserved emo chick from California who really kept to herself and to “Chobo.” I tried to talk to her some, get some pictures, add her to the archives, etc. She really resisted for the most part.

Time went on-about a year-and all of the sudden “Chobo” and Miyavi started having some relationship troubles. Miyavi decided it was time to sleep around some, in California, with one of the gentlemen she is friends with, and “Chobo” decided on Feb. 14th, 2008 that it would be time to end things. So, Miyavi was distraught. Her and “Chobo” had talked about marriage, being together, moving him to California (Where she had already flown him twice, on her time, to get his large [you’ll see what I mean in the next post] penis). She didn’t know what to do. She decided, after some internal reflection, that the only viable thing to do was to find someone vulnerable in “Chobo’s” guild and to use them to get back at him.

Enter Korrupted, a guild member from DnT. He was having some shit at home in Arizona and decided that his about year+ of hitting on Miyavi would finally pay off. He started laying it on thick, and Miyavi saw an opportunity. She decided to fly Korrupted out and let him live with her. Around the beginning of March Korrupted arrives and promptly sleeps with Miyavi–less than a month after she cheated and then got dumped by her boyfriend.

Also, it should be noted that Korrupted and “Chobo” were really good friends in the guild.

IP addresses start to show up on the boards, and there were some thoughts that Miyavi and Korrupted are now together. Miyavi decides that she should use the guild picture thread to post some images of her and Korrupted at her apartment, with the guy she cheated on “Chobo” with sitting right next to her.

I, being the inquisitive mind that I am, decide that the time had come. I decided to bring my investigative services to the table and get to the bottom of everything. I called up Korrupted and called him out for what he was a part of. He denied it at first, claiming that it was just a living situation fix. He then came around and referred to Miyavi fucking him as a “bonus” and it was “temporary.”

Miyavi, on the other hand, was getting what she wanted–she was getting more dick, and getting back at “Chobo” who dumped her, because she was a cheating skank.

So, with the help of Mr. Chobo and other individuals in the guild, I present to you. The attention whore, back stabbing skank… Miyavi.

(Foton note: pics are available by hunting around Google, just your standard attention-whore nudie pics.)

In closing, Miyavi, you’re now e-famous; go gargle mayonnaise.

And if you like to hear people lie justify themselves, the epic Ventrilo recordings are preserved on YouTube (also a Google property, thanks Google!)

Ventrilo, part 1
Ventrilo, part 2
Ventrilo, part 3
Ventrilo, part 4
Ventrilo, part 5
Ventrilo, part 6
Ventrilo, part 7
Ventrilo, part 8
Ventrilo, part 9
Ventrilo, part 10
Ventrilo, part 11

Be grateful your guild dodged that attention whore. Or disappointed, cuz that Vent convo was pretty damn entertaining.

Kudos to the D&T people on Vent who weren’t buying Landon and WhateverHerNameWasItSoundedMadeUp’s bullshit.

UPDATE: Bah! User removed YouTube audio files. I was only through Chapter 9, goddamit.

On a positive note, as commenter Feorian has pointed out, DnT restored the thread to the public areas … which is almost as epic as the Ventrilo recordings.

UPDATE 2: And now the thread is registration-only again. Bleh.

UPDATE 3: Like every attention hoe before her, Miyavi can’t look away from her own drama on the DnT boards:
must watch her own dramaz    inside ur forums watching her dramaz    Death & Taxes -  Miyav - still cking her dramaz

Sources for the Vent recordings, because you don’t want to miss a single “whatever!”: File Front (zip format) or Megaupload (.rar format, thanks Quzor!).

Kids, remember to virus-scan everything you find out on the Wild, Wild Internet. I’m not making that up.

UPDATE 4 – Final word: If not for that pesky Client #9 and his whore Kristen, that DnT girl could have been Whore of the Week. Timing is everything, people.



Exodus

March 5, 2008 by • Filed Under Etc.13 Comments 
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The “Great Warlock Life Tap Nerf of 2008”, another one of those “We’re Totally Not Balancing World of Warcraft Around PVP And Especially Not Arenas, But We Are” adjustments, has finally made it to the Test Realm Patch Notes which puts it one step closer to reality on the live servers.

Life Tap: This spell now has only 3 ranks. Each now costs a fixed percentage of maximum health to cast, and grants the same fixed percentage of maximum mana: Rank 1 is 5%, Rank 2 is 12%, and Rank 3 is 20%.

If you don’t pay attention to warlocks other than to curse at or about them, this is huge. Currently, Life Tap converts a fixed quantity of health into mana (e.g. 580 health lifetaps into 580 mana), ergo, warlocks have geared heavily for high hitpoints (+ stamina gear and enchants, donchaknow) and mana pools be damned, they just swap their health into mana and eat babies’ souls. Indeed, even their class armor reflects this fascination with stamina over intellect and mana regeneration — cuz what care they for regen, lifetap isn’t at the mercy of out-of-combat mana rules or potion cooldowns.

It WAS what made warlocks so very deadly, and, so very valuable to raid DPS.

Of course. If that nerf goes live. Not so much. At least for a while until the ‘locks can regear for intellect over stamina. ENJOY!!

It’s like a minigame within the game, just like bag space. Regear for this, regear for that, resist sets are nice too, plus carry all that around in your tiny backpacks of suck.

So I’ve been watching the warlock venom on the Test Realm forums as Blizzard has cycled through multiple adjustments to the nerf because the ‘locks, they be LIVID, and the other classes are enjoying the show, and really … you should not relish another class’ nerf. The Wheel of Nerfs: round and round she goes, where she’ll stop, nobody knows.

Witness: Forum thread – LOCKS DESERVE EVERY SINGLE NERF THEY GET by Naitsirhc, level 64 shadow priest, suspected mage alt, of the Eldre’Thalas realm.

Any class that can drain life and mana is insanely OP, and you guys know it. It was not your fault that this game mechanic continues to exist, but I think every single nerf is warranted and should be applied to BALANCE this crap. And yes I am talking about PvP, I can care less about PvE. I’m sorry to be blunt, but this has gone on for far too freakin long.

The accusation: Reply #2 by Thromgal, level 70 warlock of Kil’jaeden.

You can go ahead and post on your mage.

Which sums up that thread very nicely.

And speaking of a mass exodus, where have all the healers gone?? Long time passing. Long time ago.

That’s rhetorical, I know very well where the healers have gone — away.

I did some faux research on the Healer Exodus of my own WoW realm by reading through all the recruitment threads on the first page — these would be all the recruitment threads that have been /bumped in the last few days, i.e. active recruitment threads.

The Results of my ten-minute research project:

Alliance
10 total recruitment threads
8 seeking healers only, 1 seeking healers + DPS
1 seeking DPS only (lucky dogs)

Horde
5 total recruitment threads
1 seeking healers + DPS
4 seeking DPS only (also lucky)

Some interesting faux facts from my own guild:

Of our raid healing core, only 2 are pre-Burning Crusade healing mains — 1 paladin, 1 priest. A week ago, the count would have been 3 — 2 paladins + that one very dedicated priest, but the one paladin … you might remember him as our paladin man-whore … he left our guild last week.

Quick drama debriefing: Our paladin man-whore left because his latest imaginary game girlfriend abandoned him and started hanging with our other pre-BC paladin (also a man-whore as we discovered), which drove the first man-whore into another emo phase for a few weeks, then he decided “fuck this” and left. Probably to seek other imaginary game girlfriends, who knows. Anyways, this relationship with ManWhore02 and the aforementioned imaginary game girlfriend is really distracting because they are usually fighting, and she’s usually threatening to LEAVE THE SERVER and what do we care if she leaves, she’s not a healer, then ManWhore02 gets upset with the guildmates cuz goddamit we should care but I just want to /gkick the both of them and be done with it. And further, it’s this kind of shit which tempts me to call for a moratorium on guilding female players, my apologies to all the drama-averse female players out there, but can’t people keep their personal lives out of the game and just kill stuff? Crimony!

Anyhow. Except for those two pre-BC healers, the rest of the raid healing core are post-BC healers. I’m hoping they have at least a few months in them before they burn out too.

Ya, I have a lot of hope. I don’t have any resto shaman, but I have a whole lot of hope.



Your Raid

February 18, 2008 by • Filed Under Etc.13 Comments 
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From the World of Warcraft general (and class/realm/guild relations) forums, These are the People in your Raid by level 10 posting alt, Peri of the Terokkar realm (I think. It’s been passed around all the forums so many times now, who knows.):

The Raid-

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM’s Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She’s terrible. You’ll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.

The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.

The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you’re the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can’t decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.

The Positive Officer- That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt. See Stoners, below.

The Negative Officer- Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME! See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.

Metermaid- He’s got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he’s in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he’s pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he’s healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he’s gonna heal them anyway.

Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.

The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the v key.

The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says …” Well liked, but frequently muted.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn’t have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.

The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn’t Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. “Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?”

The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact hat melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.

The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He’s the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he’s afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite diety that the guild won’t collapse because he’ll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.

The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don’t show, bosses don’t seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.

The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.

The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you’re not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you’re not totally sure.

The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn’t realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.

The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden’s room from the entrance. Has a “summon pls” macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, “That’s not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath.” Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he’ll be tellign his next guild, “In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.

Note: I read a similar archetype post couple years ago, when I first started raiding. It altered the way I viewed raiding forever after and I’ve tended to think of my guildies along these terms since.

We had a “Chick with the Accent” in our guild recently. I’ll use the word charming because this is a family blog. But lemme tell ya, after a few battlegrounds and raids, it wasn’t so charming.

She left recently to follow her game boyfriend (who I suspect is married to another woman IRL but I never said anything because it’s frankly none of my business), they went to another guild because he decided he hated our guild.

That was cool though — those two were the types who screenshot every single game conversation to prove whatever secret agenda they had that day. Was really annoying to get their screenshots all the time in my email about how Soandso disrespected them or Whosit was mean to their friend.

Despite the (formerly) charming accent, habitual convo screenshotters mean one thing to me: DRAMA WHORES. They are to be avoided at all costs, and, for your own safety, do not send them any /tells.



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