In yesterday’s episode of “How in the World (of Warcraft) did we find these Nutjobs?”, my guild tagged two (RL) sisters into our ranks — the good sister was a pleasant guildmate and solid raider; the evil sister used the guild like a match.com. At least we weren’t being used for loot, as is more typical.

No. Wait. Well shit, we were being used for fast loot too.

After roughly two weeks of creeping weirdness (emphasis on creep), another raid day arrived: the sun was shining, and Ironforge’s Myra Tyrngaarde had fresh bread for sale as the gaming witching hour arrived — which we now know is between 5:00 am and 6:00 am, server time. The gaming witching hour, you might recall, is that time of the day when players desiring to leave their guild, log on for a quick /gquit (guild removal) so they don’t have to offer explanations or long speeches.

I’m not sure which I prefer: the long speeches (omg, just leave already) or the wordless /gquits (wtf?).

The two sisters logged into the game, /gquit, and then the hunter-sister (the would-be wife of the perfect man) made a short post on our guild boards thanking us for the fun, wishing us well, and please visit her Myspace, in case we had missed the addy the first 25 times she posted it. Again, I trampled a gnome warlock in my haste to check her Myspace for new glitter icons and flashing banners glamor shots.

That night, before the raid, there were whispers of some “issues” that had DRIVEN the sisters from our happy family. I love issues. Wherever there are issues, there also is a good story. I resolved to seek out this story for myself and attempted to add the two sister’s character names to my WoW friends list … for investigative purposes. Not stalking, INVESTIGATION.

Well, well. Invalid player names/players not found. In other words, for the non-WoWs in the audience, those player names no longer exist on my server because they applied for server transfers earlier in the day. Interesting.

I reported my findings to selected officers, known for their unnamed sources, and returned to raid preparation. Word came back that the two sisters left the server because one of our gnome warlocks was “harassing” the hunter-sister. Orly? asked me. Yarly, said they.

I’m. Not. Buying. It.

Although some of the guild officers had already grabbed pitchforks out of their banks, a few of the officers, myself included, wanted to know more before grabbing our own pitchforks and warming up the /gkick macro. Y’know, more as in ANYTHING. What had he done specifically? What did she do in response? What is gnome warlock’s side of the story? Has anyone else ever complained about gnome warlock? Harassment is a serious charge, if we have a guild problem, we should address it with the limited tools available to us (namely, the /gkick and then trashing his reputation permanently.)

The unnamed sources were dispatched to ask hunter-sister exactly what we were talking about here … what did he do? what did you do then? what did he do after that? etc.

And of course, as I had predicted mentally, the response was something like, “Oh no. I don’t wanna cause trouble. Forget I said anything.”

I don’t get that. This (alleged) harassment is enough to force both sisters off the server, but now, it’s no big deal. (Hold on, it gets better.)

Whatever, ok. Have a nice life, over there, on another server. An officer type talked to gnome warlock, told him of the accusation, asked for his side of the story (which was “huh? She said what?”), and we dropped it.

Months passed. The Burning Crusade arrived. Other little dramas were played out and concluded, none involving gnome warlock … unless you’d count the time he put an AE dot on crowd-controlled boss guards and wiped a Karazhan raid. (Sadly typical for our warlocks.)

We arrive at last week. Raid Leader sends me a tell, “you’ll never guess who server transferred back here.” Guessed me, “THE EMO TANK!!” Nope. Well maybe, who knows, but someone else. “GUILDBANK THIEF!” Nope. Well maybe, who knows. “PVP Douchebag?” Nope. This was me: You’re right, I’ll never guess. Who?

Hunter-sister, with a name change, thankyouverymuch, easy-to-game name change system.

Using my leet investigative skills, I figured out the new name (it wasn’t hard, she uses a glittery-kissey-huggles naming scheme for all her characters) and sure enough, she’s back on our server leveling her hunter side-by-side with some of our guild alts.

Summarizing, there was some harassment. This harassment was enough to drive her from the server. She didn’t want to pursue the accusation. Now she’s back … on the same server with her harasser. Over 100 U.S. World of Warcraft realms and she HAS to be on this one. With her harasser. Makes no sense at all to me.

But I do know one thing. I know what will be next. Next will be, “can I rejoin the guild?? Also, check my updated Myspace. lol!”

And after I trample a gnome warlock in my haste to check the updated Myspace and her MAN-ifesto, I will vote, “NOOOO. A THOUSAND TIMES NOOOO. Go away!! Here, we’ll pay you Warcraft gold to leave and never return!! Also, based on your armory page, your talent spec is really wrong for leveling to 70.”