Here’s a new trend in World of Warcraft my guild has experienced: Cafeteria-style Guild Membership.
I’ll explain with a story.
Late last week, post-Burning Crusade launch as you know, I was in one of the 60-noob instances with a group of guildmates. I had a lot of real life hurdles last week so I’m very much bringing up the rear in guildmember leveling. Consequently, when I say one of the 60-noob instances, I mean me because the rest of them have done those instances 42,000 times.
Anyways, we were about to commence a’killin’ when one of guild priests sent me a tell complaining about her woes in leveling and grouping with guildmembers. You know me, I’m all about sucking off the priests because we’re going to need them later … so I (for once) actually read her tells and responded.
She hates leveling. Me: Amen.
She’s having a hard time soloing. Me: You still holy? Respec to shadow. (fucking duh.)
WoW Tutorial for the non-WoW: The shadow talents are the big DPS abilities for priests. And when I say big, I mean a shadow priest is a frightening thing to behold.
But she enjoys being the group/guild healer and wants to stay holy specced. Me: Respec to shadow. (fucking duh.)
Ohhhh Foton, she’s just not a shadow priest. Me, thinks: Fine, be stubborn and suffer.
She’s not well liked in this guild like I am and has a hard time finding groups. Me: Not true. (And it’s not true, me = well-liked is also debatable.)
Anyhow, she’s going to go off on her own and solo through the levels and hopes there’s still a spot for her in the guild when we’re all level 70. Me, thinks: Not without shadow you’re not solo’ing. Me, said: Err, huh?
She doesn’t want me to tell anyone, not that anyone would even ask cuz she’s not liked. Me: WTF, I’m going to have to say something, everyone will see the /gquit message and ask.
Please Foton. Also, she wants to keep a lowbie Draenei shaman in the guild so she can still see our guildchat from time to time. Me, thinks: Sure thing, your highness. Me, said: Ok.
Me, thinks: Please let this conversation be over.
So that’s how it stood last week. Her priest, THE CHARACTER WE’RE INTERESTED IN, is unguilded and her noob shaman is guilded so she can see guild chat. A guild she suspects doesn’t like her. Made no sense at all.
The weekend arrived and finally, I’m done jumping over real life hurdles and can spend some serious time knocking down experience points. Goddamn guild teenagers are mid to upper 60s and I’m still dicking around in Honor Hold. The shame of it!
Within ten minutes, the priest jumped me with a tell, something like how am I, but I know better than to answer that because that just leads to a long explanation of how she is and she is never good or fine. Also, she needs help with an instance, could I help?
Now it’s time for me to put my money where my mouth is — I made a big speech about guildmembers helping the lesser DPS-endowed get to 70 — here was my chance to prove my point. Sigh.
I /who’d her to find out which instance we might be talking about, and get this: She’s guilded with another guild, not a raiding rival, but one of those friend-type guilds.
WTF, how did “I want to be on my own” turn into “Hi, I’m guilded with these other people”? And she thought I was going to jet out to an instance and help her new and improved guild work through an instance? I don’t think so. My speech DEFINITELY did not apply to that situation.
And I explained exactly that. Then she explained that she had cleared it with our Guild Leader, which I found very hard to believe as he’s Old Skool EQ and most Old Skool EQ people don’t put up with a lot of shit … like choosing where and when you want to be guilded with a raiding guild. I mean, you are either with us or you’re not. And you’re definitely not going to give us your shit shaman while the primo priest is in bed with another guild.
As it turned out, our Guild Leader HAD ok’d that … under the duress of a 90-minute conversation with her. Well … I would have folded too in that situation.
Hey, it’s a brave new world (of warcraft), we’ve got to adapt. But my line in the sand is this: Your new guild can help you. Once you drop our guild tag, my obligation to help is officially over.
Later on in the weekend, one of our alt warlocks sent a tell asking for help with his epic mount in Dire Maul. I really don’t think my speech applied to that situation either, PLUS, he wanted help from my alt priest for that. Annoying. I checked out the online roster to see who else we could force into helping.
Waitaminute, how come the alt warlock can’t ask in guildchat himself for help? Because he’s guilded in another guild right now too. It’s a goddamn epidemic.
His main (the kinda-primo warrior) is still guilded with us, but his alt (the kinda-shit warlock) is with another. His warrior, level 60; his warlock, level 62. Seems like the warrior is on the shelf and the warlock is the new and improved him.
I looked through the guild roster, checking the offline/online membership and found another jagscratcher with the primo character in another guild and the shit alts still in ours. First of all, when did these people sneak a /gquit and second, what in the hell can they be thinking?
I’ll tell you what they’re thinking. They’re thinking they can keep one foot in our door and do a triumphant return when it’s loot time. We’re the old girlfriend while they’re sexoring a new, future girlfriend. Also, could we please send down a guild team to help their new guild do shit? Fuck. That.
And that was indeed the officers’ conclusion: Fuck. That. And each partially-guilded account was booted unceremoniously from the guild one by one, except for the Needy Priest, because frankly, no one wanted to spend 90 minutes comforting her and exploring feelings and whatever else she might need.
And so our roster inches ever closer to an appropriate post-Burning Crusade raid force without getting our hands very dirty at all. Or bloody, as the case may be.
BONUS! We’re feeding more members to the recently formed Guild Full of Members Who Hate Our Guild, but that’s a story for another day.