Last week I was a Commander for the Alliance in World of Warcraft and this week I am not. If I had known they were changing the mount system, I would have obsessively PVP’d to maintain my Commander ranking so I could buy the ultra-cool black tiger and the mega-fruity black ram because one thing I discovered about the Commander rank, people really like when I sit on my black horse in Alterac Valley’s Frostwolf Keep and bark out orders like “PULL THE WARMASTER!” and “EVERYONE INSIDE FOR DREK!!”
Not really. Mostly they’d say “wtf” and “goddamit, DPS this!” but to hell with them — this is all about style.
So I fucked that up and it’s back to obsessive PVP to ding back into Commander to buy the ultra-cool black tiger and the mega-fruity black ram.
Let’s say you’re thinking of becoming equally obsessed with PVP to buy the complete set of black Commander mounts. I have some advice for you: Don’t PVP in the early morning unless you really like A. spending time with schoolkids before they have to race out the door for the bus and B. The Arguing Battlegrounds. These are the battlegrounds where there’s two or three guys who don’t do much of anything except argue. Most of the times, it’s amusing, but there are times …
Example. Warsong Gulch, one morning before work (for me, before school for the arguing dudes — trust me on this kids, it’s obvious to the rest of us that you’re a youngster. Young, dumb and full of … well, y’know.) So the one dude has the horde flag back in our base and it’s our job to get back the Alliance flag, a job for which a rogue is ideally suited I will add.
The Horde flagrunner is with six of his buddies running along the west wall and there’s two of us rogues using our entire bag of tricks to slow him down and knock the flag out of his bear claws. (That’s an important point for you druid PVP noobs. You see rogue, you pop bear form. Do not argue with me — seeing a druid in cat form is almost as exciting as killing warlock pets.) Anyways, we rogues die horrible deaths thanks to 78,000 dots stacked on us and this jackhole on our team starts bitching how we let the horde march our flag down the middle of the field untouched.
Whatever. We rezzed, we rode down to horde base, dismounted, stealthed, and started to sneak our way to the Horde flagrunner. Then the jackhole complains that we’re camping honor kills in the middle and he knows that because he can see us on his map.
Ok, now it’s on.
I’m inside their fucking base and if he had paid attention in his Social Studies class, he would know how to read a map. So I told him, “L2ReadAMap”. I didn’t have time to add that part about his Social Studies class, I was busy with a priest.
Does he shut up and wait patiently for us to choke the flag out of the Horde bear? No, he does not. He continued: I can see you in midfield *FotonRogue* camping HKs. This was me: Dude, I am on their (vanish) 2nd floor (cheap shot, backstab, backstab), dealing with a priest (kidney shot, backstab) guarding (backstab, eviscerate — buh bye now) the flag carrier.
Again, he won’t shut up and tells me to go back to AV (Alterac Valley) to farm HKs, noob. (Oh, it was ON.)
Because he’s so busy bitching about my play and what I’m up to down in Horde base, he didn’t notice the six Horde that came flooding into our base. I wasn’t aware of that part either because now I was dealing with a bear who had dropped down to the flag room after he noticed his priest buddy was dead.
Some extra backstabs for the bear form … boom, dead bear … ka-ching, flag return … and motherfuuuu, the Horde got their flag back too. (It wasn’t that simple, the bear ran and put up a struggle, but I’m summarizing.)
After the crack about going back to AV, Commander noob that I am (was), and the Horde wrestling the flag out of his hands because he wouldn’t shut up, I saw red.
Now that really hurts my feelings.
Today’s PVP Lessons:
1. Don’t PVP in the morning hours before work.
2. You see rogue, you go bear.
3. Pay attention in Social Studies class when the teacher goes over how to read a map.
4. Typing long paragraphs in /bg while you’re carrying the flag can be dangerous.
5. I continue to be the worst rogue ever. Also, I’m fat. And a chick.
6. The next time I’m in a battleground with Blood**** — and have no doubt, I will meet up with you again, my friend — it’s ON. Screenshots will be provided.