Warcraft Widows
September 21, 2005 by Foton at 2:01 pm • Filed Under Asides
Tags: gaming, warcraft, world of warcraft
Yahoo! Groups : WoW Widows — Not entirely unexpected, World of Warcraft has an internet support group for those abandoned and neglected by their Warcraft-playing loved ones. Unless you have a similar issue at home, you should only read and reflect. You don’t go to the circus, jump into the center ring and start doing tricks with the lions, fcs.
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344 Responses to “Warcraft Widows”
Thanks for your concerns for the WOW community, But i know many couples that enjoy the game together. It might be time for you to try something that your husband or boyfirend likes, instead of forcing them to watch a mindless chick flix with you.
why would someone want to spend your quality time playing a mindless, stupid fantasy game. I mean come on now 2 or 3 hours that is fine but when your whole waking time that you are not working and you are sitting in front of a computer while your life is slipping by you that is just down right stupid
Oh my god, i’m so glad Warcraft Widows exists!
i thought i was the only one! my (now ex) boyfriend is an uber nerd, wow addict. i remember ages ago he told me one of his friends’ gilrfriends broke up with him because this guy played wow too much, and i was like pft, as if you’d split up over that. now i see her point… in response to “Vic”, i actually DID play wow myself (my character was a Night Elf called Akida, i got up to level 10) so fuck you, i didn’t want to force my boyfriend to watch chick flicks with me, i actually wanted him to TALK TO ME, or go out with our friends, or interact with HUMANS. i tried the game to please him, and i actually did find it fun, but not THAT fun. the end came after we hadn’t had sex for a week, and he chose to GO TO A WOW PARTY, INSTEAD OF HAVING SEX WITH ME.
World of Warcraft is made by saaaaaaad little men who haven’t seen daylight in years, who use the game to play out their fantasies (which i decided after i saw a Wow “pet”, an s&m sort of character in skimpy leatherwear who whipped herself and said “ooh!” when she was bored….go on, masturbate over that you fucking nerd).
So now we are just another couple broken up by wow. We still go to parties and stuff together, but i swear there isn’t one party or social situation where he doesn’t bring up wow. He doesn’t realise it actually alienates people; if someone doesn’t know wow, they can’t be included in the conversation…and no, not everyone wants to “learn” about wow - JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!
We try to tell him that he is really sad being so into the game, but he argues that playing wow IS interacting with humans, you are still playing with people all across the world….NO. travelling overseas is meeting people all over the world; interacting with humans means getting off your arse where you’ve been sitting for the last 10 hours, leaving your stuffy little room, going outside and TALKING TO SOMEONE IN THE FLESH! It’s what fucking normal people do!!
That’s a good story Mieka. Too much of anything is a bad thing, even cowbell.
Was going to ask if this was your ex, but sounds like your ex hasn’t even done an “I’m burned out” hiatus from WoW yet.
WoW stands for “With-out Women”. I only know a few chicks that can get into the game hardcore and those women are rare. The more crap you give your boyfriend about him playing WoW the more WoW he will play. Why ??
Because WoW offers a way out of the real world, you have status, respect, money, negative physical attributes are no longer an issue, the list goes on. If your boyfriend/girlfriend plays too much WoW it is because some other shit is going down. Job sucks, they are unhappy in the relationship, life whatever. You do not fix this by yelling and swearing at him/her. You have to schedule activities and constantly remind them of the time and place, since they will probably forget and start an instance or quest if you do not do this. Eventually the game will lose its appeal. The amount of time varies and if you really care about them you will deal with a few months of no attention being paid to you.
I played WoW religiously for like 4 to 5 months straight and burned myself right the hell out. I have 2 50 characters and the thought of WoW is somewhat sickening. You will eventually get your nerd back, you just gotta make sure you dont let them play another MMORPG :). Boyfriend and girlfriend type crap, those relationships end, DO NOT let this game ruin your marriage. If you give up on your significant other over a video game you are worse than they are. You show lack of commitment and truly prove that there were other problems between you two other than the game.
Mieka that is really sad that he didn’t want to have sex with you and chose to go to a WoW party. Thats somewhat amuzing actually, you will find someone better eventually. Or maybe you gave up too quick. Just remember men and women think differently… very differently !!!!
Thank the lord I’m not the only one who is suffing with this crap. WOW is the biggest waste of time. I don’t think its funny when my husband has those dumb characters say stupid jokes or dance or any other crap like that. Talk about time suck. Nothing productive comes out of it. Who wakes up early on the weekend to play all day and all night long and doesn’t even remember ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS we had while he was playing!! For the love. Nerd doesn’t even begin to describe it these WOW people.
And VIC, its one thing to take interest in something your boyfriend or husband does but if I have to pretend to enjoy the 1000th conversation about how excited he was when something dropped or how much gold he sold it for I think I’ll slit my throat and aim the blood in his direction. Its bad enough I have to listen to the damn game all day, its another to have to listen to him talk about it every waking second he’s actually NOT playing.
I have been with my bf for two years and we have been talking about engagement but I am having second thoughts because I don’t want to spend my marriage second in line to a video game. He talks to his guild more than he talks to me. I sit in bed naked begging him to give me attention so I don’t feel like an object that he just got bored with and found something better to entertain him. I do not mind if he plays, it is how much he plays that bothers me. Hours upon hours of talking to random ppl that he doesn’t even know. I’m afriad that if I did go through with it, he would neglect me and our children and I would be stuck in a marriage where I would be all alone with no support from my husband in any emotional or physical way. It hurts so bad to think of leaving him because I love him so much and I want to try so hard but at the same time I am really worried about my happiness and what I want out of life and marriage.
Jeezus, are you women for real?
Translation: wah wah wah, my man treats me like a blow up doll, wah wah wah, should I make babies with him and drag innocent children through this mess of a relationship, wah wah wah, I’m the victim here, wah wah wah, things are gonna change I can feel it, wah wah wah, savin’ all the food stamps and burnin’ down the trailer park.
Loser.
“If you give up on your significant other over a video game you are worse than they are. You show lack of commitment and truly prove that there were other problems between you two other than the game.”
So by that statement if a wife has waited 18 months for her husband to get off a computer game to spend time with her and their children and finally decides to get herself a life instead of watching the back of his head then SHE is worse than him?
Didn’t he give up on them the moment he walked in the door after work and logged on straight away, telling his family “later, Ive got a raid on” night after night and for all the weekend?
Why should these women have an extra child to wait on when they actually promised to love and cherish another ADULT?
Maybe you should read some of these “widows” stories before making statements like that. And as we say “we don’t make them stay with us, they are quite welcome to leave, but if you choose to be with us, then be WITH us” and we don’t mean 24/7, but having spent a week talking to the man at the shop more than your husband sucks.
And a lot of these men have lost their jobs from taking too many days off to play WOW and their wives actually support them.
“Didn’t he give up on them the moment he walked in the door after work and logged on straight away, telling his family “later, Ive got a raid on” night after night and for all the weekend?”
Amen, sister.
Oh..and Foton? Thanks for the cute story about how you had a girl over and couldn’t even get it up because you had already wanked off twice that day!
Loser.
Personally when I got it it reminded me of my old Live Role Playing days, when we made armour and weapons, made up stories, beat each other around a bit, become heroes or died then went down the pub after.
The social aspect really surprised me on WOW, from not wanting to talk with anyone and just do my own thing i found a gentle spread of associates, real close freinds i could talk to about my real problems, and even met a couple of nice girls on there, one of whom im now leaving my wow widow for!
its very surreal, not for the way everyone can hide their physical self, but how you can spot what people are really like inside from the way they play, (I was very very good at spotting geniune girls for a start, and of course the teenage boys are a bit easier to discern, ) but i think when someone puts a mask on thats when they fool themselves that they a re covered and reveal their true inner self in their words and behaviour even if they might think they are taking on the role of the mask, :O)
Good luck widows, heres hoping he’s not flirting with his future wife on there!
x
And if he does then they deserve each other.
Would be SUCH a good relationship based on cheating and lies and she KNOWS that she can trust him not to do that again. She is special.
And just think of all the lovely communicating online they could do….that will certainly built a solid relationship…..but if they are both addicts, who is going to clean the house, pay the bills etc…..and God forbid they actually may have children that one of them will need to get off the computer for to look after.
But again…their relationship is special…he didn’t cheat and lie and she didn’t chase another womans husband. So their foundation is strong
i am married to a gamer and it is not pretty. He expects me to raise his child not mine and still be oh so happy. So if anybody has any constructive ideas on how to help, i would be grateful.
This is a public service announcement: Down with WoW, a forum community for those affected by World of Warcraft addictions.
GaH!.. i am so fed up with warcrack. my boyfriend has a new character that HE NAMED AFTER ME. as if that is somehow going to appease me. now he spends more time with his digital me than he does with the actual me. Like i really want to see a character that he warped into looking as much like me as possible walk around in a leather thong and have pointless battles with orcs. does anyone know of a bug u can plant in warcrack so they cant play it any more?
This isnt such a big deal. First off if a man wants to spend more time with a level 47 Gnome Warlock that with you have you thought that maybe theres somthing wrong with you?
I have no compassion to you “WoW Widows”, have you tried playing the game (getting to level 10 is step 1, try level 60)? We have to put up with alot for you but have never told you how many things bother us (and dont forget you become pychotic once a month).
Despite what we tell you wed much rather be trying to kill CThun than at the theater watching some romance movie (but if you want to see the Warcraft movie when it comes out im sure alot of us will go).
Im sure youre all about to say I havnt read your posts, well I did before posting this, and I still have absolutely no sympathy for you. As for Mieka’s post, thats sad, but like I said earlier, could the problem be with you? Is that the reason he would rather raid Orgrimmar (or Stormwind if hes part of the Horde) than be with you?
As you can all tell by now I myself play this game (Im only level 16 but I read and talk about when not playing), this is good interaction, maybe all of you should play too and meet some of our friends, join our guilds, even go to WSG with us (WarSong Gulch for those of you who know nothing about the game).
Theres alot of stuff for couples to do, such as:
-Go to the faire
-Take an orphan to the places hes dreamed of seeing on Childrens Week
-Hunt for eggs during Noblegarden (Easter)
-Buy chocolates on Valentines Day
-Give wrapped gifts for the holidays or birthdays
-Have a party complete with fireworks
You can even join a guild and complete the ultimate goal (so far) of killing CThun. Try it, if you dont like it…well we probably wont quit for you so move on with life thats the hard truth)
Lvl 40 night elf here.
so yeah have played. Like action flicks better than romance and we are talking about playing 40-60 hours a week on top of work etc. They are even damaging their own health and affecting their jobs. This is not a discussion about casual gamers but hard-core addicts.
ps. wait until you experience halloween and Christmas
And if they want to play and not be with us, then why beg us to stay? why don’t they leave and live in WOW nirvana?
Oh, and guess what?
I actually enjoy doing things in RL with my s/o *wink wink* that can not be experienced quite as well in a game.
I love that every post arguing in favor of obsessive gaming behavior villanizes women as needy tyrants who force their faultless significant others to watch “chick flicks” and makes the fate of the relationship rest on the woman’s shoulders. Number one, women don’t only watch “romance movies”, and even more surprising…some MEN enjoy watching “chick flicks”. Number two, it’s NOT about the fact that they play world of warcraft. It’s the HOURS that are spent doing it and the consequences and effects that it has on the relationship. Perhaps some need a refresher on what exactly a relationship is……
relationship: n 1: a relation between people; (`relationship’ is often used where `relation’ would serve, as in `the relationship between inflation and unemployment’, but the preferred usage of `relationship’ is for human relations or states of relatedness); “the relationship between mothers and their children” [syn: human relationship] 2: a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection); “he didn’t want his wife to know of the relationship” 3: a state involving mutual dealings between people or parties or countries 4: state of relatedness or connection by blood or marriage or adoption [syn: kinship, family relationship]
Now, having gotten that out of the way, take note of a few choice words: “mutual dealings” “relation between” “connection”…. It shouldn’t take Webster to point out that you can’t have a “connection” or “relation” with only one party involved. For the mentally challenged, that’s like trying to plug a cord into a wall with no outlet. Nothing happens. It takes TWO people to have a relationship. While it’s healthy to have other interests, it’s NOT healthy to have the relationship itself be the secondary interest. If a relationship is going to work, both parties have to give it 100%. It’s unrealistic (not to mention unfair) for one party to expect the other to pick up their slack so they can play a video game. While each party needs to be understanding, there’s a difference between compromise and taking advantage of someone else. I can understand wanting to spend an hour or a day to yourself–I do that with a book, going for a walk, etc. But holing yourself away for 10 hours a day and only interacting with your significant other out of necessity (you know, “what’s for dinner?”) is unhealthy and abnormal. No matter what rationalization you have, whether it is that you “enjoy the game” and are “just having fun”, it has surpassed being a pastime. Instead of focusing on only pleasing themselves, they should look at how their decisions affect the people around them. How can you be angry at the woman you “love” for reacting to the way she’s treated? No one likes to be an accessory in someone else’s life. Furthermore, what will you have to show for all of the time dumped into this game? These are not just hours of your life; they add up to years spent doing nothing. Do you really think that when you’re 50 you’re still going to be bragging about that epic you picked up—or are you going to be regretting that you didn’t do more with your life, and wishing you had appreciated everything that you took for granted.
As for the widows of warcraft, it’s a difficult situation to be in. There is no easy way to fix everything—you can’t take the game away, or break their computer, that only makes your significant other resent you (and spend more money fixing the game/computer). You’ve tried hinting, you’ve tried outright talking, you’ve resorted to writing post-it notes on their monitor and still nothing…So how do you get through? You have to draw the line. If losing you is more acceptable to them than losing a day or two of the game, you’re better off without them. After all, unless you’re as equally obsessed about the game, you’re never going to be satisfied with being their second choice. We don’t enter relationships just for sex and companionship—it’s about being the best person you can be and realizing your potential. If you’ve tried and tried to make things work, it’s time for you to find someone who not only appreciates you, but inspires you on every level.
Sorry boys, but I really don’t see a level 60 mage being enough to get me through a shitty day at work, help me survive the hell-week of final exams, or ever being capable of coming close to the comfort one gets from a really good hug.
48 Human Warrior here.
Been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. Seriously considering marriage…Warcraft doesn’t get in the way of that. If you’re significant other is playing the game rather than spending time with you, that doesn’t show them being a loser…it shows you as being less significant than the game, which means you need to reevaluate yourself rather than complain about them playing too much. Think about it. If you were the picture perfect girlfriend you believe you are, wouldn’t he like spending more time with you? Time for a reality check, kids.
Yes Jason,
And I have even suggested that we break up many a time. He refuses too and saves he loves me blah blah blah.
*says
Foton - So you know these women are ‘for real’ and aren’t being unreasonably selfish and whiny. If they were being unreasonably selfish, they wouldn’t be posting here, because they would have left their gaming guys a long time ago and never looked back. WoW is an addiction, and it does cause it’s addicts to give their significant others less than they deserve. I had been with my girlfriend (now fiancé) for over 3 years, when I started playing, and she is the most loving, supportive, generous female I have ever known. By the time I quit, she was crying regularly (never when I was around), seeing a counselor, and ready to break up with me, not for revenge, but just because she knew she couldn’t take a relationship with someone that addicted for the rest of her life, and she wasn’t willing to bring children into the world, and have her and them be ignored every night while I raided. I would tell her I was going to be to her house at a certain time in the evening, and when I was about an hour late, I would call her, and tell her I was “almost done” (which I honestly believed to be true) and then I wouldn’t show up till about 6 hours later. I would be late for work every morning during the week, but I would roll out of bed earlier than I was supposed to get up for work, and hop directly on the computer. By the time she would get home from work, 10 or 11 hours later, I would STILL be in my PJ’s, on the computer, surrounded by a few dirty food containers from whatever I had managed to snarf from the kitchen when I got up on a restroom break. Now you may say that I am just a “jerk” for treating her that way, but the truth is that both before and after the time when I played, she was a VERY happy woman. In fact, I would go so far as to say she is somewhat “spoiled” because honestly, she gets basically whatever she wants.
Jason - You are way off base in suggesting that it is the women’s fault they are being ignored. My fiancé is
- beautiful, (momentoimages.com, select wedding. Her and I are the two in non-wedding attire in galleries I and II.)
- successful (She bought her own house at the ripe old age of 21, and makes significantly more than I do, and I am making a very respectable income)
- and fun.
She was all of these things before I started playing, and remains all of these things after I quit. She was patient, loved me, tried to let me do my own thing, tried to do anything else that I would do that wasn’t WoW, but in the end, it wasn’t her fault. It was my own addiction. Maybe you do fine at balancing your life, and you aren’t addicted to WoW. (And the fact that you only have a 48 warrior tends to prove this guess correct, unless you only VERY recently began playing) Great! More power to you. I wish there were more like you. Unfortunately for too many people, most people who play MMO’s can’t avoid getting sucked in.
My WoW cred, for any people who feel the need to take issue with things I said:
- 60 rogue in closed beta
- 60 priest in the resident uber-guild on my server. Mostly full epics, would have had all epics if I had stayed longer. Was part of the server-first Nef kill in BWL. Cleared all of MC, BWL, and Ony in one long session on two separate occasions.
I quit because it was the only way to salvage my career, my relationship to the person who matters the most to me in the whole world, and ultimately, my life and happiness. I still miss it greatly, to be honest, and would love to play again, but I know I can’t. I am just glad I didn’t lose her before I quit.
I can only mimic what was said just above. Some people just cannot play these games and get sucked in… I would venture to say most. Hell, I quit WoW about 10 months ago or so, and I STILL troll these boards and others, sort of reflecting. BUT… I am getting married this coming Friday. I tell my friends the quickest way to a divorce is a MMOG, and I am only half kidding. I know the woman I am marrying is far too important to me than anything that is flashy and shiny. My game playing is now specific to single player related games, or the occasional 360 multiplayer. Life is way too short to be spent sitting in front of a computer, unless you are getting paid for it.
(retired)
lvl 60 pally
lvl 45 rogue
lvl 53 warrior
(retired)
EQ1 and EQ2.
[…] Check out the blog site I found the WoW Widows Yahoo Group link. […]
You know what works for me? I wouldn’t say I am addicted, but I probably would be… if i played at home. We have a strict no MMOG playing at home policy, so if i wanna get my WOW fix, I need to go to a net cafe or something.
just a thought.
i highly agree about the time issues of playing WoW too much. yes its fine to have interests and past times. i started playing to be more active in his interests. yes i was sucked in, i have 60 mage, 60 priest failry decked out, and a 50 druid unfortunatly. i’ve been trying to balance time from work and him for the past year and half. but all it has come up too is more time on Wow. yes, friends and socializing circles has greatly dropped for the both of us. on my days off i play housewife quite well, i make dinners, get all “dressed up” for some interaction, and believe it or not, he takes his dinner plate, and sits at his computer. i find it very difficult to be on either side. but every gamer needs to take a break at some point regardless for 10min to permanantly.
Yes WoW Widows exist and their ranting is getting louder!
Check out my webcomic. If you resemble the main character… IT REALLY IS TIME TO QUIT!! (duck)
Widow’s Revenge comic strip at http://www.gamingsucks.com
The name was picked out for all you WOW addicts. You know you really have hit rock bottom when your about to lose your home because you spouse would rather put more time into the game than to get another job to make ends meet. You’d rather see your spouse and 2 children homeless all in the name of the game. Hope it is all worth it. Is it just a game? No, not at this point. Now it is reality. YOUR harsh reality. Once your spouse has left you to live in a different state, you are unable to see your kids and now you have to work 80 hours a week to pay child support and support yourself you finally see the light. Your spouse moves on surely not make the same mistake twice, the kids get a new and improved parent and THERE YOU ARE ALONE PLAYING,……..WOW.
After all said and done, I guess your whole life is just one big virtual reality game. What they hell are you going to do when the game stops and reality begins!
This thread is pure brilliant foton.
Anywho, addicition to MMOG’s is like any other addiction, a mental state, disease if you will that a person needs help getting out of. Doesn;t matter about the gender of the player.
Either you stick by those you love and help them out, or walk away.
Hey Ladies….
I believe that if your with a wow addict, than call a stone a stone….Get yourself’s to a Nar-ANON or Al-Anon meeting. They can help you learn how to deal with addicts and being with an addict. I work in the addiction field and by all means Game playing is an addiction. You are not just with someone whom is a Gamer…you are in fact by definition with an ADDICT. Don’t let your loved one pull you into a life of feeling unloved and unwanted, take care of yourself first. Addict thinking does not allow for anything more than selfishness and self-centeredness. Without help addicts will never be anything to anyone. So please for the good of the life you have and the short time that you have it for, get some support that can get you through this.
With Care
WOW addict #4,000,982
foton… with as much as you dismiss these peoples pain, I would like to know how your relationships are. when was the last time you spoke to a family member other than to ask them to get you a drink? Do you even have a relationship with a woman?
STFU and fix me a drink.
(I know I’ll be in trouble for that one.)
I hear their pain. It’s a bitch, I can see that. But they are only as helpless as they allow themselves to be. I am sorry they discovered a character flaw in their loved ones after they fell in love, but I don’t feel sorry for them when they CHOOSE to stay. (Ya, I know it’s not easy to walk when you have children, that’s what attorneys are for.)
How much clearer can I make it? If you are better off without your WoW Addict than with him (or her), GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. They have nothing to offer you.
As an aside, if your WoW Addict is willing to forsake you for pixels, he (or she) is not that into you. Why would you wanna be with someone that’s not into you? Fuck that, leave your shit behind and WALK OUT.
Since you brought me into this convo, I, myself, have walked out, leaving my shit behind, many times. I had to involve attorneys two times. (Not divorces, other “issues”) I know of which I speak.
In the EQ days, my play time was much, much higher. Back then, I was just out of school and couldn’t afford much in the way of entertainment while I was building my post-college career. Now, as I’ve said, I can afford better and my play time is lower.
It’s worth noting that Warcraft requires much less time to be at the top of your game than EQ did. (Obviously, for some players, the time requirement is still too high.) I hope the next gen of MMOGs has even more to offer for casual players — game design itself also has some responsibility here, in my opinion.
Meh, game play is like anything — moderation is the way to go.
p.s. @ Unbeliever — that this post and its comments will be my legacy is an irony not lost on me. This could only get better if I opened an expensive game addiction treatment clinic.
Hi everyone
My name is Karolina and I work at a UK based television company ITV.
We’re currently making an edition of news and current affairs programme Tonight with Trevor McDonald regarding the affects of playing MMORPG’s.
We’re currently looking for programme contributors who have been affected aversely by MMORPG’s.
Are you married to a gamer and describe yourself as a gaming widow? Are you the parent of a gamer? Are you an ex-gamer?
If you are happy to share your story you could help other people in the same situation realise they are not alone.
In the first instance please email me on
karolina.mottram@itv.com
Thanks for reading and hope to hear from you soon.
This thread delivers.
p.s. Eight months today, still tempted as ever to go say hi to my dwarf priest.
31 year-old player of WoW and pseudomother/girlfriend of a Tier III gulild leader account sharing pain-in-the-butt Night Elf Rogue 60.
I sympathize with the WoW widows and assure them that at least in the state of California; gaming is an acceptable excuse for divorice and cybersex does count offically as cheating.
My mates account was hacked a few days back and his precious was stripped of all his fancy gear and then deleted. I was upset for him; but at the same time I was also saying to him this;
“Honey maybe we can..you know..take a break from WoW..go outside..exercise..go swimming..its summer out there you know?”
Results of his constant gaming?
1. Fungal infection on the inside of his thighs from sitting too much.
2.Pinoidal Cyst on his tailbone from sitting all the time (image a huge swollen boil of unhealing necrotic flesh that has to be drained daily)
3.An online God Complex that has resulted in him being banned twice from two computer gaming systems.
4.Him spending our phone/cable money on more video games and 1000 credit bill at the local tech shoppe.
Girls..girls..get out while you still can. These guys are not good daddy material. Give em ten more years and watch what happens when their young man metabolisms kick off.
My wife is a World of Warcrack-ho, she used to be an EverCrack ho. We have a convenient point system, when my wife wants me to watch the children so she can raid, she needs to bank some nookie points in advance. It is a great system. I even upgraded her computer last month, an awesome investment for a husband, like having a sex vending machine in the living room! We do work to keep things balanced, which includes having a real life that exceeds her on-line fantasy life. That meant joining a BDSM dungeon where we can play villian and victim in front of other freaks. Nothing like a good flogging in front of your friends, sometimes they even join to double top. My point is that you can work to keep both real life and WoW life exciting, talk to each other, be supportive of your partner’s fantasies, but don’t be a doormat — hold out for regular payback. (p.s. she plays on Stormrage)
My boyfriend is addicted to WoW. He comes home and plays until he goes to bed, even eating at the computer. On the weekends, he gets up, flips on the coffee maker, and then flips on the computer to play until he goes to the bed. Both of us work full-time, but I might as well say I work two full-time jobs because I cook, clean, and take care of everything around the house.
I used to game, including WoW. I don’t care too much for WoW, as it is a time sink and I think there’s more to life than WoW. I have nothing against gaming, but when the person does nothing but game and neglects everything else, something is wrong. He insists I hate WoW because it’s something he loves; I’ve always supported and encouraged his gaming habit, but when he freaks when we go to a 90-minute movie or a BBQ at a friends’ house for a few hours because he won’t be able to game until later…what’s a girl to do?
From what I’m told, I’m attractive and have a great sense of humor. I am educated and give my man all that he needs—including bringing home the beer and being happy he hangs out with the guys, but he doesn’t even do that anymore.
Any advice?
This is so great - to find out that me and three of my friends are not alone in this wow widow world. I have been laughing out loud reading the debate here, because all the stories are so familiar to me. I see my husband and myself in these stories - and I have been sending them to him hoping that he will realise that he has a problem.
I feel for so many of you that have commented. When I met my BF, he was NOT a “gamer” or so he claimed. When he said he heard about this WoW game, got a free trial and was going to try it out, I had no idea that it would consume him that way it did. He kept saying that he was NOT a gamer and not to worry. Well, that has changed in a big way. My BF and I live far apart so I thought if it kept him busy and away from mindless web surfing/nude female photo sites (haha!) well, maybe I could deal with it.
In the beginning, I tried getting involved with him in WoW to show an active interest and support in something we could do together, but I was quickly left in the dust. I felt he wanted to do it alone, so I gave up trying.
He is obsessed and in denial about his WoW addiction. He tries to convince me that spending 12 hours on days off and 5 hrs on the days that he works is very normal. I am told that if we lived together things would be different (I am too smart for that) and he would not be on the game all of the time. I am told that his “groups” on WoW are just friends that have innocently progressed from screen IM contacts to real time chats that of coarse- only discuss the quests they embark on as a group. This is now a requirement to play, ya know. Yeah, right.
What really gets me is how he makes light of the fantasy land that WoW is known for. Like those WoW pets; the ones that Mieka so appropriately described, “Wow “pet”, an s&m sort of character in skimpy leatherwear who whipped herself and said “ooh!” when she was bored….go on, masturbate over that you fucking nerd.” I hear them when I call my BF and he refers to them as “Very sexy creatures” and then goes on to describe why he thinks they are sexy. Ewww! That comment has always made me wonder about him. Pixels are now hotter than real human flesh apparently.
If I bring up any of this, he thinks I am trying to start a fight and will not talk about it. He is defensive about the game, the time he spends on it and his role in it. He rarely talks about this game that clearly takes up more of his time than I ever have.
Finally, I have had it with our phone calls.
1. I am lucky to get to talk to him free of the game, if at all
2. Talk time is limited because of the game (I have to listen to fighting in the background the entire time)
3. He stays up very late on work nights on this game and then is too tired at work and is grumpy to me on the phone the next day.
4. He is seemingly becoming more uninvolved in my life every day. I can’t even keep him on the phone long enough to tell him about a job offer that would ultimately effect us for a long time. I used to be able to bounce things off of him, at any time… b4 the game.
Guys always say they wish that their girlfriend/wife would have told him their was a problem before they left. Listen up guys…this game thing can be a real problem. It sucks the life out of your relationships-period. Don’t get mad at your girlfriend if she has a concern about that game or any game for that matter that consumes half of your life but rather ~ take notes. It could be a clear warning that it is the beginning of the end.
Happy Gaming
This is interesting reading, even though it is very old.
My husband works for Blizzard and helped design WoW and before you go blasting my head off, we lead a very normal life and have a great marriage, game and all.
It really is about the person playing, not the game itself. I dated someone who I left because HE did not leave the game for love or sex or time with me, whereas my husband, who WORKS there, actually does.
Everyone is too quick to blame the game when it is the player’s fault. And I’d rather have my husband on the PC where I know what he is up to rather than out at a bar doing lord knows what.
I actually agree with Foton 100% and yes I am married and know what a real relationship is.
Very well said Hilly. I tend to liken my guy and his love for WoW to stereotype gamers but you are right, it is about the guy, not about the game.
Im a a Warcraft Widow. I tryed to play it but i does not excite me enough for me to play for more than an hour at a time. My Boyfriend of 4 years who used to play every night for at least 5 hours have come to an arrangement. Just like with my sport - hockey, I practice twice a week and place one game a weekend. I have told him that it’s only fair he does the same. This compromise came about about after an argument about him being lazy and sitting on the PC all day - I told him that WOW is not a sport and his charcter running to ironforge does not count as exercise. He then turned against me and told me that Due to WOW having a set of rules it’s qualifies as a sport.
So i then suggested - if he thinks its a sport thats fine. but he can practice twice and play once. and thats it otherwise he will burn out. HE had no comeback to that one! Try it Girls.
My fiancee just left me a couple weeks ago for a guy she met on WoW.
We were having problems in our relationship and i got a new job in another state so i suggested I go out a little before her so i could get settled and think about the relationship.
Apparently during this time is when she got fully addicted.
The 2 of them have met twice now that I know of.
I’m doing my best to get over the relationship.
She keeps lying to me, telling me she’s still unsure of what she’s doing.
She still hasn’t even told me the guy was from WoW, she made up some other story- but it’s pretty obvious that that is where they met, she plays a good 10 hours a day. She wouldn’t play with me when I tried to join the game.
As much as I know she’s not worth it this break up is tearing me apart. Our relationship was on rocky ground but I really wanted to work at it. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my house is uncomfortable to be in. I’ve been trying not to let my rage out over this situation- as my rage can get pretty bad. I think I’m going to have to let myself get angry in order to get on with my life.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We are both in college, but he goes to a college that is 8 hours away from mine. It sucks, but we talk on the phone every night, so it keeps the relationship alive. This is our first summer home together and almost every night, he plays WoW. He just made it to level 60 and I tried to be happy for him… but what I did not realize is that once you reach level 60, the game becomes more addicting. It seems like every time i call him at night hoping to spend some quality time talking..he says that I called him right in the middle of a raid or he’s really busy with the game right now. It’s frustrating! I can’t be angry with him because he doesn’t play THAT much and it is not destroying our relationship… but what I HATE about the game is that it NEVER ENDS!! you cannot even pause the game when you are in a raid to spend some time talking to your s/o. When I tell him that i am jealous of the game and that i wished that he did other things than be on the computer, like hang out with friends, he just says that he IS hanging out with them and talking to them. UGH! we always fight about this game. I wish that there was a Final goal to reach and then it would be over. IT JUST NEVER ENDS.
I have to make a public apology to my BF. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I over dramatized our situation. Part of me is worried about how much time he is gaming and how the game provides a mental escape like any other addiction can. However, we have talked, his head is in the right place and I trust him completely. I am confident that he would never let WoW ruin our relationship. It truely is about the person and not about the game.
Wow (no, that was not a reference to the life-sucking game that apparently we all are affected by, but my actual reaction) I typed in “girlfriend support group world of warcraft” into google kind of as a joke because I was a little upset that my boyfriend choses to play W.O.W instead of talk to me. But after reading your stories I was instantly humbled. My heart goes out to all of you because if I was upset over him just not calling me back I can’t imagine how I would handle being completely passed over night after night. Were your significant others always like that and you just tried to accept it as part of him? Or did it just get slowly worse?
It definitely got worse as time went on.
Me going away for a month (during the move) made it go from a bad situation to an incurable one.
Hate wasting so much time having to deal with the physical side effects of finding out that someone I used to live with was so detached from reality that she couldn’t be honest with me or herself & couldn’t distinguish the real world from the fantasy game.
Lots of feelings of betrayal there- might be a while before I can trust someone, tho I’m pretty sure she’s just insane.
What made it worse was the way she left too: she berated me repeatedly in the months leading up to her final week or 2, when the beratement and criticism reached an alltime high (guess she had to convince herself she was justified).
She let me go on thinking for weeks that I really had a chance to get her back and that she was only “figuring her life out” at a relative’s house, when in reality she stayed with him a week before moving in with her uncle- pretty close to where the other guy lives.
Hopefully karma will come back on her. I’m so ready to move on.
I don’t mind a video game or two now and then, especially playing as a couple, but to play to the exclusion of the relationship is a serious breakdown of communication.
Look ladies, every guy or girl knows what they’re getting into with this game (it was rated 9.5/10 in the first place). I’m strangely on the other end of the equation here. I choose to play because my girlfriends just not around enough, she makes it harder for me by paying less attention, it’s a trick that works well, even I feel she has a heart of stone sometimes.
I’m not suggesting you go playing mind games (we’re not that blind) but I do suggest you elevate yourselves a bit from blaming anything for the fact your fella or girl has a good taste in games & in most cases (suggesting all cases are less-social geek types) finds it a way of expressing themselves socially where they can be the socialite they see in the movies (let’s face it, who is).
Back to the real reason i posted, rose you’re not that smart (as you put it) as i’d change if my girl asked me to move in with her, i see you’ve responded now to your earlier comment but it only adds that if you trust someone, you do just that.. so he’ll change, trust him? I’m sorry to say this but it’s these little ticks that grind us (pardon the pun), if you already think low of someone in not believing there claims and making them feel bad (yep, it happens) how do expect any respect other than a middle finger in the form of ignoring you (WoW time).. bottom line, don’t treat a man like a kid or he’ll fit the role perfectly!
Unfortunately I’m a game addict & choose not to present stats as I could read them off the net anywhere and blag this (cue boasting pj man ‘Steve’, reminds me of the chewleaves gum guy on clerks) besides my daily brain age sessions’ about to begin and I’ve given up on this pointless excuse to pass time while the servers are down
mike- that’s probly coz she’s cheating on you. take it from someone who knows.
BTW- My situation was made worse by the fact that my ex was working 12 hour night shifts 3 nights a week at a hospital. Our schedules were completely different, which really didn’t let us spend a whole lot of time together anyway.
Sounds rough & you’re probably right but to be honest if she was cheating she would’ve been gone 3 years back.
You see it’s a bit of a racial thing so let me just be a random white guy & get on with my nerdy game instead of learning chinese & trying to fit in.
Anyway, I ask her up-front about stuff all the time & if she’s lying then why the hell is she still here? It’s not like I’m rich or anything, should I choose to ignore her word that she loves me & misses me because she chooses not to take 2 hours worth of travel to see me and watch godawful big brother with her sisters instead
And yep, I gave the impression she was stonecold but she occassional stitches my shirts or makes random little things for me. One last thing, it’s rare to see my own faults but I think this thread’s been disrupted enough & apologise to anyone I attempted to criticise. I’m no expert, no-one is.
Uh, Dr. Phil…I mean Mike, You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about when it comes to me, my post, my relationship, why I reposted, anyone else on this post and/or your own posts. This is supposed to be a place to vent frustration, not seek relationship counseling from an apparent novice….it’s these little ticks that grind me. On that note ~ your not that smart (as I put it). Relationships 101: Don’t ever underestimate a woman. All women are different but their are those women that can ’stay’ for a variety of unexplained reasons, even while cheating. It doesn’t mean that her man is all that or even that she is in love with him. They can and do lie. Some are down right evil. Every relationship is different. Pay attention to your own as “I’m no expert, no-one is”.
Eric ~ I am sorry about your situation. It does suck and it was not cool. I, too, worked similar shifts and it is hard to have any kind of a life when you work those hours. I am assuming your fiancee is a nurse? If so, nursing is a very hard job that is both mentally and physically taxing. It can take a toll on your brain as well as your relationship. It did in my last relationship. I’m not sure if you were with her when she first became a nurse, but over time-the extreme highs and lows, along with all the responsibilities and expectations that nurses deal with, will make you a different person. Thank goodness that my BF deals with similar highs and lows at his job too, so he understands when I need to come home and just drop.
That’s where the WoW game thing comes in to play or any game for that matter. It’s all about balance or a relationship can suffer-even if there is loads of trust. You definitely need to make time for each other, on a regular basis and it sounds like your situation was a real challenge in that area:(
You said that you moved out of state for a job? How often do you come home? Maybe you could move and just give it some time? Including some time for yourself.
*Note* I am not a counselor, I just play one on tv
You’re right, she is/was a nurse- taking time off now i guess to work at a casino so she can pay bills (don’t ask me what all that’s about; she said something about wearing skimpy skirts).
I moved from maryland to texas at the end of march. she moved to join me 1 month later, coming out to see me at the 2 or 3 week point as well. I’m assuming in that month she really started talking to the guy. the first week here she did nothing but play and sleep, taking quick breaks to eat. i think she must’ve snapped. i dunno.
I’m a little curious at how long the lying was going on- only in the context of wondering if I should be worried about an std or something. She was acting very weird for a long time. went from wanting to be a mommy asap to not wanting kids. I was thinking maybe HPV.
Luckily I have some very good friends around here and I’ve had the support I need to move on. I still have some physical remnants of all the betrayal: woke up with chills this morning (and most mornings), had an anxiety attack over getting the locks changed yesterday, still don’t have much of an appetite, and have lost almost 30 pounds so far.
Our relationship was going bad for a long time but I’ve never had anyone lie to me this much or had anyone intentionally damage my psyche like this (she said a lot of stuff before she left and before I knew what she was doin). This whole experience feels very similar to the time I went to Vegas and was hustled constantly and even had my room robbed.
She’s about the last thing I wanna think about anymore. I have fully accepted how done she was with the situation and know that she’d never indulge in anything like guilt, remorse, or genuine interest in my well being.
It’s time for me to find somebody worth my time; or at least time to find somebody to have fun with. I just pray to God that I find some justice in this situation, or at the very least- a clean bill of health.
I don’t want to move out of Fort Worth, I do like it here. I wish breaking my lease was more of an option. I think a weekend trip to Austin, Houston, or San Antonio would be fun- maybe next week. This weekend I have a good friend coming up to visit and we’re going to kick around all over DFW.
Wish me luck.
Lesson 102: Don’t get a bird like rose
and thanks for all the cheating propaganda you guys it’s nice to know we’re all negative creeps out here, I mean if you’re so negative in the first place why not just come to terms that if you can’t keep yourself happy it’s just not time for a relationship.
Anyway rose, if you smartened up & took your head out of your arse you’d realise i’m calling you a hypocrite. When i said ‘you’re’ not too smart i mean you’ve got to trust someone if they say they’re going to change within a different environment (you’re too smart for that right).
mike-
you’re definitely right about that. I’ve decided to give up on the idea of finding someone else. Screw that. I’m hurting over this thing pretty seriously. I’m not ready to move on. I need to heal up some more first; live life on my own for a while till it gets somewhat normal.
I refuse to go through the hurt and the pain that has been explored on this site. It has been made pretty clear that this addiction is not something to take lightly and for good reason. Beautiful relationships have been destroyed because not enough value was placed on the other person because she/he were to busy playing a GAME! I’m dealing with this situation right now. I have no problem with my boyfriend having fun playing W.O.W, but when he chooses that game over me then I think I have a right to demand change. I know some guys out there justify extensive game use with the “maybe you’re just a bad girlfriend” argument and you know what, you guys maybe right. Maybe I am insensitive, demanding, high maintanence, and controling. Well if thats the case then my boyfriend will be better off without me so that he can go off and fing someone else that shares the same bizzare fascination with a virtual reality world. But I refuse to come second to a game for much longer. My boyfriend right now is my third priority in my life (behind my religion and my family) and I would drop almost anything to be able to see him. Especially now because I’ll be leaving for college soon and won’t be able to see him for months. I think i deserve someone who values me just as much as i value him. I’m drawing the line tonight.
meh. I was going to respond to Mike, but I am too lazy.
Thanks good I found this site. This WOW shit has overwhelmed me since the first day my husband started into raids. He left school (4th year engineering) just for that stupid game. I never opposed to the idea of playing, he started playing 2 days a week (16 hours) and now he is practically stick on the computer everytime. So, Yesterday he was at a raid and I asked him for a divorce. I can’t stand this anymore. At least I know that I’m not alone. Life go on.
After reading some of these posts, I thought I’d respond to the argument that this game doesn’t make your bf or gf an addict or create problems; the problems were already there. I disagree. Prior to my boyfriend playing WoW, he did get up and go places with me. This game is like crack; I don’t care what anyone says.
Because of the time required to play this game (I’ve played it before and thought it was a huge time sink) and the loyalty to guild members, WoW creates an alternate world that soon becomes reality for some. What happened to the days when guys would go out and enjoy the outdoors? (Girls, too, as video games are not strictly a male hobby.) It seems that people can conquer the world with a joystick or they can venture to other worlds without having to move a muscle.
I think that’s sad, actually.
How much longer can I wait? My boyfriend focuses so much time on this game that if I left and came back four hours later, he would think I was only gone for twenty minutes.
I’m worried because the expansion pack is coming out soon, which means less communication and any hope of spending time with him. I am beginning to feel I come second to a game as well.
Johanna -
What you are feeling is completely valid, but you have been misled. You CAN pause the game (it’s just that players choose not to - they are playing with other people who are all dependent on one another to accomplish a goal. People that are not, of course, the wives, husbands, children or other family members who may depend on some attention and help). The game CAN end - whenever the player chooses to stop playing. But of course we know it isn’t that simple. I hadn’t seen my husband in over a week. What he did when he got back was give me a quick kiss and go off to the computer. WoW has officially had more face-time in the last month than I have. And it is his choice. For us to have to be more interesting than a video game where there are no real consequences (even death, for example, is something you recover from in 5 minutes or less), is an unrealistic expectation. I feel as though the game is being chosen over our 4 month marriage, and to any RPG players out there who feel that their wives have to be a satisfying enough alternative to a world that doesn’t expect any more of you than to devote hours on end to its neverending wonderland of pixelly stimuli, get help. Or get out.
For the record, I was a level 30 hunter - I tried for so long to play the game as something we could do together. The problem was that it started to take over my life - I wasn’t eating, exercising, or sleeping regularly. When I decreased the time I spent playing in pursuit of more cerebrally-stimulating tasks such as writing and reading, my husband advanced in level and left me in the dust - suddenly, it was too boring to play with me. Eventually, it was too boring to do anything with me. If he ultimately chooses the game over me, it is not I that am the sad one. It will be he that is pathetic and lonely.
I am losing my wife of 15 years to Warcrack. I wish I knew what to do. But I don’t. I hate this game with such a passion… and yes to all you fools who think that just playing the game with her would make things better… I tried… The game sucks the life out of you… and I would rather live in reality and be with my beautiful kids. I found that if I sat down to play for just a half an hour, I’d get up and sometimes 3 or 4 hours would had passed. I couldn’t continue to lose that much of my life especially when I spend 50 hours a week working. And when she did play with me she would get mad because I wasn’t as good at playing as her new best friends online, the evil guildies. She is a stay at home mom so she had all day to sit around and level up. I quickly fell behind. I’d come home to a trashed house and no dinner before she finally made it to level 60 and I pointed out to her that she had spent 838 hours getting to level 60. That was just one character in a period of about 5 months. She has a number of other characters that’s she’s spent tons of time on too.
She ignores me every night… I who still find her sooo beautiful and would love to make love to her every night… or even just give her massage… anything to be with her… she ignores the kids and when they joke about her addiction she actually accuses me of implanting the ideas in their head. As if they’re too stupid to see it for themselves. I think they can remember trying to go see fireworks on the 4th of July and having to sit in the car while mom tried to finish a raid… and then when she did come with us… she was all pouting cause we made her leave right at the boss. My eight year old actually drew a comic strip about a video game taking over the world by brainwashing people… and in the last frame he points out that the game’s name is Warcraft.
I’ve tried talking to her about it and she did scale back her gaming to a degree, at first. But now it’s back to every night. I go to bed alone every night. She sometimes tries to make it up to me in the mornings… but I feel like an afterthought… like she’s just doing it to keep playing the game.
We’ve been married for 15 years and I love her more than ever. I want to grow old and die at the same time as her. But she posted her picture up on her guild website so all the boys could see how hot she was. That’s when she really started to shut me out of the game… cause she didn’t want me on her guild chat. The more I complain to her about it the further away she goes from me… but then if I don’t say anything she will just get further into the game.
I started writing this yesterday… and this last weekend was especially hard for me as my grandmother passed away and her funeral was on Saturday… well Friday night was a raid… Saturday night was another raid… and Sunday I was completely blown off before even dinner so she could… you guessed it… do another raid. A period where I needed her love the most, the raids were more important.
Well last night.. came home.. and you guessed it… another fucking raid! After she had been playing for almost 3 hours I finally asked her if she was going to be on there all night again… and then I just blew up as she started laughing at me… like I was some kind of fool. And did she get off then and deal with her crumbling marriage? No! She stayed on there for another 45 minutes until she could finish the stupid quest that she was on. Beware of this game. Totally f’ing evil. For what it’s worth… my wife has played a few other games… but none has ever caused this much pain.. this much alienation… She played the hell out of Final Fantasy. She uses the same excuse as all these other people… that she hardly ever gets to play.. that it’s just a fun thing to do. Totalling up all the hours from all her characters shows that she’s spent more time on the game since she bought it than I have spent at work… yet she “hardly gets to play.” That my is a serious addiction. I’ve asked her to go get help… but I don’t think she’s going to. In the meantime, I’m moving into the guest room tonight.
My boyfriend plays WoW, Dota, and any other game you could possibly think of. He plays for hours and hours on end, to the point where I only see him 1-2 nights a week (usually weekends) despite the fact that I live about 5 miles away from him. It is ridiculous that a game (or several games) can dominate your life so exclusively. It is downright sad that I’ve considered leaving not only the relationship, but the state, more times than I can count. Every time I mention leaving, he gets upset and asks me to stay. Things will get better for a day, and then degenerates rapidly into another gaming orgy. He loves me, but he loves his games more. Could I leave him? Yes, but not easily. I remember what he was like BW- Before WoW. When he would drive a couple hours to go visit me at school, or call me randomly to do something.
To those people who are telling us to stop our complaining, that it isn’t as if games are to blame and it isn’t as if WoW killed our SOs, I issue a challenge. If your SO went shopping, or drinking, or gambling, or or waxed their cars, or went to strip clubs, or obsessed about ANY ONE activity for 4 or 6 or 10 hours a day, wouldn’t you react like us? It shows a lack of depth that someone will do something exclusively to the detriment of their real lives. Variety is what keeps people healthy. If you want to play a game, fine, but a game shouldn’t take over RL. It shouldn’t be in such large amounts that your SO spends 80% of their free time alone, just because you wont budge from your computer desk. Yes, there are educational games, yes, games can be fun. I doubt that anyone here would argue that all games are hideously evil. We’re arguing that the amount of time spent on these games is hideously evil. All we want is our lives back as they were BW….Before WoW. Don’t judge us until you’ve lost everything because of someone’s addiction to a specific activity.
Just checking in.
Life’s gotten a LOT better. Been talking to a prospective new “miss right” (though still fielding candidates hehe). Going outta town for a week. Things are definitely looking up.
So nice not to have to base my life around trying to capture the attention of someone who’s just not into it. I think many of you people still suffering through someone ignoring you could definitely benefit by giving your SOs a wakeup call or by giving them the boot. If their addiction is stronger than the threat of divorce papers, then they’re reall not in the relationship anymore anyway.
Sad thing is that I do like to game too, but no more than an hour or 2 a night; unless it’s a really slow weekend.
Still a lil tough filling that big hole in my life, as I don’t know many people in my town, but I’ll get there.
Good luck everybody
My (ex) boyfriend started playing WoW when he split up with his exgirlfriend and was between jobs for a little while. He still played at night and on weekends after he started his new job he’d often raif til 2am and then drag himself out of bed for work a few hours later. I always told him to get to bed earlier but he wouldn’t listen.
Anyway, he moved interstate a month ago, where he didn’t know many people, so he spent lots of time raiding. I was so excited to be visiting him for 4 days, but he told me prior to the visit that he’d be raiding on one of those nights, and told me I was being unreasonable becuase I expected him to be excited after not having seen me for a month, and wanting him to focus his attentions on me rather than some stupid game. So I told him that I was going to change my travel plans, or stay with a friend. The day of my trip came around, and of course I wanted to see him, so he picked me up from the airport. No kiss, no hug, no ‘I’ve missed you’, nothing. We got back to his place and he started swearing because he’d been kicked out of the queue. He got back in line while I finished some work. I told him I didn’t go there to watch him playing at his computer. Anyway, he sat down, in his computer chair with his headset on, completely oblivious to the fact that I’d packed my things and left for my friends place. It was almost 2 hours later til he even realised I was gone.
I was so sick of being neglected, ignored for some stupid game, I ended it. He knew exactly how I felt, he cancelled his accounts the next day but as far as I am concerned it was too little too late.
So, WoW ruined our relationship, as a couple and as friends. I can’t believe what it got to before he could see the light. It is a very dangerous and addictive vice. He used to say it was better than him out it a gutter on drugs or stealing cars.. but I really think it’s much much worse.
I’m devastated and how I could have lost him to something that itsn’t even real.
I have a husband and he plays this game. He works 12 hours shifts 3 to 4 days a week. He comes home, takes a shower, turns on his game and is there for the rest of the night. God forbid I say anything about his game play. Its what he likes to do. He is getting fat. He sits there like nothing is wrong. He eats at his computer, drinks his beers and plays his game. From the time he gets home he is on WoW. We have had several fights about him playing. Ya know, I dont care that he plays it, its the ammount that he plays. I find myself sitting in the other room as he clicks and types away. I feel so distant from him. He talks about these “special items” that he can sell, or level up. I dont give a crap about them. I tell him I dont want to hear about it. I dont want to be included in any conversation about this game. I can not give him satisfaction of talking to me about what he does in that game. I simply can not go to that level. I have thought about leaving him because of his game play. But what is that going to do for me. I love him. I dont want to be without him, but really, what do I have right now… nothing. He tells me that if I had a hobby I wouldnt bitch about the game. If I had something to do that I liked, his gaming wouldnt bother me, but I beg to differ. I hate the person that he has become. We dont have sex as much as we used to. He is always “tired”. I even think he peels his contacts off his eyeballs at the end of his sessions. What are women like me supposed to do. We love these men, but they have soemthing that they like to do better than us. Is there any hope for us. Can i pray that he gets bored with this game. The last thing I said about this game was that I would “torch his computer”. I would light that bastard on fire and dance naked around it. I would laugh like the devil and enjoy every moment. Then you could read the obituary in my local paper about me. Ohh but it would be a sweet death!
Hi all,
I played WoW for about a month and stopped. I’ve done the hardcore gaming thing before (in university) but I guess I just grew up somewhere along the line. I generally don’t find games as interesting anymore.
I have to agree with the person above and say that many of the people who play this kind of game have unresolved issues about real life and are unhappy with their jobs/relationships/life in general. I know this from experience.
My advice to those of you who are in a relationship with somebody in this spot is: do NOT waste your time. I’m not saying “leave them”, I’m saying, don’t procrastinate and don’t mess around. Figure out what you need from the relationship, whether it is time, or attention, or (my guess) genuine interest. Let them know exactly how unhappy you are without blaming, tell them that you can only handle them gaming X much hours a week (ideally the two of you can discuss this), otherwise you will be forced to leave. And stick to it. If they don’t follow the plan you’ve worked out… GO.
Life is too short to waste your time on somebody who for whatever reason is not supplying you with the love you need.
I know, they are really wonderful people on the inside - you are right - the saddest thing about their addiction is that it is covering up a wonderful person. But it is their issue and nothing you can do, believe me, is going to fix it for them. They have to know that their life is off-balance and want to change. I’ve been there.
You need more than this and you WILL get it if you do what is necessary.
PS. To those of you in committed relationships, with marriages or children, I am deeply sorry. Obviously you will want to put as much as you can into getting them out. But again… don’t waste your time. Do it now.
Hi all,
I think it’s strange how “embaressed” people are by the whole fessing up thing. Speaking from my own experience, there’s no doubt that computer games ARE addictive, but no-one outside of a handful of forums treats them as such. You have all the same things associated with drugs/alcohol. Eg, obsessive behaviour, poor sleep patterns, poor diet, not bothering to shower/brush teeth, dishonesty concerning usage, ignoring social obligations and on and on… I used to play compulsively - not Wow, or Everquest but this stupid old game called Rise of Rome. Been clean for 2 weeks so far, but at times the desire to get back online, download the game, is OVERWHELMING - like being beside a powerful magnet. Anyway, wish me luck!
I’ve set up this website called optimalwebsite.co.uk to help new businesses set up online and am pouring my time into this… Hopefully this will occupy my time and be successful.
Kind regards
It is so therapuetic to have found this webiste and find out that I am not alone. My story is the same. I’ve been married one year. My husband started playing WOW 8 months ago. He works a full-time job as a Programmer and then spends 40 to 60 hours playing that studip damn WOW game. I am also smart enough not to take this personally. But I have nonetheless lost my husband to this game. I’ve moved out temporarily on several occassions…and guess what…that just allows him to play WOW guilt free. It’s clear this obsession is not going to end anytime soon. It’s like they have been brain washed or are in a transe or something…they are just crazy. I also have no problem with gaming. It’s the amount of time and the fact that EVERYTHING else suffers for it. There is also no reasoning with thim. They are obsessed! How long are we supposed to hang around before we see if they are going to come out of the WOW transe? Maybe we need to start a social club for all the WOW widows and widowers out there!!!!!!!
I just discovered this site and I gotta say, “Amen Amen Amen!” to Mieka’s Feb. comment! I have a hubby who is totally engrossed in WoW and had I known he was this obsessive I would have thought twice about marrying him. Actually, if he had been playing this while we were dating I would have probably dropped his ass! Sadly, three years into our marriage he discovered WOW. And now we have a two-month old…no leaving now…To all you girlfriends out there thinking marriage with a wow gamer…DON’T DO IT! HE WON’T CHANGE HIS WAYS!!
What’s worse is not only my husband into the game but his bro too so when we get together that’s all they talk about!! How nauseating that the only conversation two brothers can have is about a dumb game! I get so fed up with him cussing about how he has to run all the way back to his body from the graveyard when he dies. So what!! Log off already and do something productive! Get another hobby! Do me if you’re that bored! Why are you taking your baby’s formula and diaper money to pay for your stupid subscription when you get so irritated at the server lag or you can’t get the right dragon you want or you need more gold or you have to do lots of traveling on your feet cuz you don’t have level 40 transportation!! It actually makes me cringe inside when he plops down on the couch next to me to discuss how his WOW characters are doing…AS IF I CARE YOU MORON!
Man this is therapeutic! I’ve never really gotten it out before.
But it’s not all bad…he does take small breaks here and there, though I cannot understand why he would choose to come home straight from work where he spends eight hours staring at computer screens to do the same with this game. He works from 5am to 1:30 then comes home, eats lunch. Logs on at around 2:00 (and that’s stretching it) and spends the rest of the day “grinding” till 9pm. Needless to say he likes to stay in his cave and is somewhat anti-social not to mention very pasty white. I always thought these nerd gamers were overweight ugly pimply boys…my man looks good, great body…though he is whiter than he should be…and guess what, I put bronzer on him so that it looks like he gets out in the sun! (Hope you’re reading this babe)
And about the sex thing - there have been times when I have been turned down cuz he’s on some dumb ass quest and he can’t let his crew or whatever the hell they’re called down!
Excuse me! You don’t even know these people! You’d turn down sex with me to see these people through some dumb quest for a piece of armor or something! Give me a break!
I do wish someone would send a really bad virus to all the WoW servers so that all these people would have to stop playing or something! Maybe they would actually find a life!!!
Thank you all for letting me speak my peace…I think I shall do it more frequently on here.
Goddam!
Nearly 3 weeks now! Clean as a whistle! Woohoo! Go me! Nearly had a relapse earlier but I’m alright!!!! Rock on my website/business. http://www.optimalwebsite.co.uk - had a query from ebay (2 actually) and hopefully will be able to convert it to a sale… just got to figure out how to build a webshop…. it’ll be my first one but I wont tell the client that!!!
hehehehe!!!
Joel
What can I say about WarCraft? Do not get me wrong, I like it. I havw played it. I understand its appeal. But let me tell you a story about my partner. He is 50 years old and has been unemployed for the past year and a half. And even before that his employment record has been spotty since the beginning of 2003. I know he has issues, primarily ADD-related. I have tried to be as supportive as I know how to be. I am paying the bills, I have signed the loan to send him back to school for retraining, I am paying for ADD therapy/coaching to help give him structure. In short, I am doing everything I can.
When he started ADD therpay/coaching he had promised that he had given WarCraft up. That was one of my conditions. He even had me change the password on his account. I was willing to give it a go. I wanted to believe. Well, maybe two months went by and I found out the game was reinstalled. So I talked to him about it, I talked to the therapist/coach about it. The three of us talked about it. He promised again to give it up. This time, I thought maybe I was not there enough. So, I made a point of spending more time with him. We watched movies at night. I make sure we did fun things on the weekends, I tried to be there for him and distract him from the game. But, this was not enough. Tonight, I found it reinstalled again. How long did he give it up for this time? No idea. But it was reinstalled three weeks ago.
If he was doing well in school, that would be one thing, I think I could somehow figure out a way to live with this problem. But, he is not doing well. It has been two or so months since he passed he last certification test. Tonight, he told me the problem was that the school was not good enough. After all, it is only a Microsoft Gold Training Partner and the damn school only costs USD15,000.
In short, he is throwing his life down the tubes. I will not mention the collection agencies after him (I thank God we are not married, he is not on the apartment lease, that our money is separate). I am scared for him because I love him. And, I am scared, in spite of the coaching, the school, and all the support I try to give, that it is will never be enough. I am scared he will end up living underneath a bridge trying to find an electric outlet so he can plug in a compter and play some more WarCraft.
I have done some reading I understand this is an addiction. I have read studies that mention the increased levels of dopamine in the brain that hard-core gaming can produce. I have read studies that indicate that ADD people have a dopamine deficiency. I think WarCraft and him somehow have created the proverbial perfect storm. But, like all addictions, this is destroying him.
While, I know many of his present problems are not because of WarCraft, It sure as Hell has not helped. Tonight, I am hesrtbroken. Thanks for listening.
Plantain - I drew this pic a while back as an expression of my frustration!
oops, codes don’t work. Here’s the link: http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b390/beccr216/blowup.jpg
Am I addicted to WoW? Well, perhaps. I usually spend about 15 hours a week playing (roughly 2-3 hours a day for about 5 days a week). It’s fun, it’s a hobby. But let me say this: I guaran-damn-tee you that if my wife paid even the slightest attention to me in the first place, or even still, and remotely showed affection (not sex, just genuine loving and caring - you can see that, or lack thereof, in your eyes and facial expressions) that I’d hop right off or not get on at all. BUT, when all I get is yelled at for anything and everything under the sun?
Yeah, what would you choose? Yelled at…or not…?
Oh my God!! just found you all here so..I am not alone in this frustrating World Of Wasters and thats mild because I wont resort to swearing on the forum. Seven years he has been telling me he is going to cool it down. He sells his characters and gets rid of the game only to re-instate WOW or some other online crap.Dont get me wrong its his bag an all that but get a life man and give me mine we have not had a night out for years he has an excuse all the time.Truth is he is too engrossed in his online gaming.I come home from work clean and cook and sort out washing and kids etc, him.. straight on the PC playin WoW.What makes me laugh is when I walk in the room he somtimes minimises it in his task bar pretending he is checking work emails. Do you men think we are so stupid. The other day his online virtual pal phoned him and asked where they were going to meet which confused the hell out of me as he lives on the other side of the world but hey… here we go they meet in thier virtual world on bloody warcraft AAARGH. I cant stand it he sits there day in day out sweating looking like a complete boffin it worries me cause I want to suffocate him and my friends say this worries them that I may need help, well as far as I am concerned he needs help or he will with the kids when I leave.
What can i say that hasn’t already been said…
I consider myself a Warcraft widow. This is appropriate naming as you feel as if your future is dying.
I have experienced it all. I have a fiance who has levelled 4 60’s in 14 months. I know my sh!#.
Played myself, had the fights, had the promises and even rostered days of play..much to my dismay it did not stay that way. He even played when his daughter came to visit once a fornight.
He eats most of his meals at the comp which i so lovingly make knowing he’ll eat it cold anyway.
OK so get a hobby you say so i joined the gym (not for long) and watched him put on weight from gaming all hours of the day and night. Yes it gave him more gaming time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder…if you know they are actually absent!
Going to bed alone is normal for a warcraft widow, we eventually get used to all that extra space in the bed.
OK so enough whinging cos i’m sick of it. Gamers might find this a little vindictive to someone you love but drastics times mean drastic measures so this is what you do…
1. All meals get served cold as that is obviously how they like it. Or don’t make it at all. Gaming is playing so he can make it himself. Or, all meals must be eaten at the dining table. No exceptions!
2. Your hobby must take more time than his gaming (whether you want to or not and appropriately when and if he is not playing that day or night.) BE PREPARED!! You need to have an instant getaway plan. If your at home with the kids, let them run carefree around daddy at the comp. ten to one he’ll get annoyed and go rank but at least you’ll be able to say “Honey, they just want to play with their dad” (Won’t he feel bad)
3. Heard this one “but there’s nothing else to do”. What did they do B.W (before warcraft)? What was their prior hobby? suggest drives, picnics on weekends, trips to the beach, visits to friends, throw a bbq (he’s gotta at least TRY and entertain), Play criket in the backyard or park, basketball,honestly the list goes on. Watching a movie is NOT and option as you don’t actually spend time together.
4.TELL him to take you out to dinner when there is a huge raid on (lets just see how important you are)
5.Don’t give out! Hello feel used or anything! They have 4 modes - sleep, game eat and you know what! That is the only roster they will stick too. so change the roster to suit you! (during his game of course)
Seriously some work some don’t. Give em a try. This website exists for a reason because the people we love are in trouble and need a wake up call.
Hey, I’m just trying to help!
For those of you who do not agree with my methods and think they are silly and petty, then if they are silly and petty they won’t be a problem, will they!
Wake up and smell the roses gamers, your life is falling apart and you won’t even pause to save it! Well for more than five minutes (that is the acceptable amount of time to be AFK).
I’m still trying to save mine…
Good luck to all who at least try.
I’m just tired of thinking about what we could be instead of what we are… both alone in reality. Which is where i am.
i would definitely say that you ladies aren’t in relationships anymore. His relationship’s with the game and the rest of his life has become the “mundane”.
i’m shocked that there are fathers who’re ignoring their kids for this game- i mean parents are supposed to set an example.
if the threat of leaving hasn’t caused him to change his behavior, then i doubt it’s going to change and if it’s bothering you that much then you’re probably better off leaving.
the longer it goes on the more miserable you’ll grow. i also don’t think it does the kids any favors to witness addictive behavior firsthand. I’m sure the courts wouldn’t have a hard time considering the game “abandonment” or “emotional abuse”.
not trying to tell you gals what to do, but food for thought if it’s really making you miserable.
Oh I am soooooooooo excited to have found this website. I know now that I am not the crazy one - there are a ton of other people that are going through the same crapola. This is outragious BS and I have no idea why I am putting up with it. His freaking loud typing wakes me up everynite. He plays ANYTIME he is not sleeping or at work. This gives him a good 10-12 hours a day to play. I dont know why he even bothers having a GF, oh wait now I remember, its because my dumb ass makes all the money and pays all the bills. Ugh I am so happy to have found this website, but so pissed from listening to that damn clicking all nite that I need to go to another room, one that is far away from his computer right now.
nyc_widow and Alysia, I know what you’re going through… For 3 1/2 years, my boyfriend was in college and skipped classes while I worked one FT jobs, taught PT, and picked-up a weekend gig every Christmas. Back then, it was gaming, then a year ago Warcrack became the game of choice. He’s working now, but I work full-time and come home to take care of everything with the house: taking out the garbage, cooking, cleaning, laundry, car maintenance, pet care, grocery shopping, bill shopping, the list goes on…
I feel like a maid.
My only words of caution are to make sure that when he’s not cranking his Warcrack to make sure he’s not chatting online with other female gamers. I could go on about webcams, but I won’t.
Anyway, my situation with his Warcrack hasn’t changed. The incessant clicking and typing is enough to drive me mad. He’s still gaming, if not longer. Like I said previously, I don’t mind gaming—I love FPS games—but when everything else in life takes a backseat to gaming, that’s a problem.
I’ve known people who were so addicted to this game that they played before and after work. I’m giving myself another few months, and if our future isn’t important, then I’ll sadly leave and take my heart with me while he’s clutching that mouse and wearing those stupid headphones.
I just asked how many hours he has played total = I think I may win hands down. ONE HUNDRED and SIXTY DAYS ( and thats just with this particular character, who knows how many total). The endless CLICKING!!!!!!! I always think about leaving him too, and have even told him, but he doesnt care, he is basically very open that he will pretty much take the game over the relationship. I go through different emotions, but honestly if he left me today I dont think that I would care - I would just be glad about getting a nite of rest without the clicking and typing like a mad man. I miss the old BF I had before this crap… I’m not against the game but I a against the hours!!!!!!!!! We arent in a relationship anymore, we are just room mates that get on each others nerves. I’ve talked to a therapist about this situation and he’s given some great advice, but it all leads to the end of the relationship. I guess I really am just prolonging the inevitable.
Alysia darling, if it has come to the point of seeing a therapist and he hasn’t been there to support you or hasn’t allowed for some compromisation, you may not have anything left to salvage. At one point i thought mine was playing to get away from me as well, but it looks to me that yours is avoiding you a little intentionally…but that’s my opinion.
I hope you make the right decision…you only get one life…spend it with more happy moments than sad. Humans are social creatures, we need other human interaction so who can blame you moving on. People change, and his life is going on a different path than yours…nowhere!
Take Care and look after you first and foremost!
Alysia
Yeah, there are plenty of us guys out there that want our girl to actually wanna spend time with us. Ditch the loser and find someone better.
Alysia,
I know exactly what you’re going through. My soon-to-be-ex-husband would play WoW all day and night in our bedroom when I was trying to sleep. I’d end up sleeping on the couch in the living room because the two hour fight over whether he had more right to play than I had to sleep just wasn’t worth it.
He and I played a lot of MMOs together, from FFXI to CoH to WoW, and I have the experience. (I have 4 60s in WoW, and a variety of other chars). It’s not a question of “learning to play the game” or sharing his hobbies. It was his only hobby. He never left the house, he’d eat in front of the computer. He would sleep during the day when I was at work and stay up all night. I never ever saw him when he wasn’t at the computer. He would play with headphones to talk to his guildmates on ventrilo, so I couldn’t even talk to him.
I myself have felt the addictive call of the game, but I’ve been able to pull myself away and play casually (I still play), but he was never able to.
I eventually went to counselling to see if there was something wrong with me, something I could change. Or maybe if there was just a strategy I could try to improve our relationship. He refused to come with me.
The ironic part about all of this, is that while he was busy chatting with his guildmates, I met someone else through WoW that eventually won my heart. With his help, I ended my relationship with my husband, and now we are together. He is a WoW player as well, he has decided that being happy with me and with his life is more important than this game. And the divorce paperwork should be going through any day now
To make a long story short, my relationship with my husband was doomed. But it’s not the fault of WoW, it’s the fault of my ex-husband. He didn’t value me, or himself, and he didn’t value our relationship enough to put the effort into it.
In my opinion, you need to evaluate your relationship, talk to your significant other, and give him an ultimatim. If he doesn’t change his ways, then you have no choice but to leave him. It is not worth making yourself miserable over. And you may be missing out on even better opportunities by sticking around.
Thanks to all ya’ll who were kind enough to spend some time and give me some words of advice. You all probably spent more time bothering to post than my bf spent talking to me today. Really I do just need to stop talking about it and actually either stop crying about it and suck it up or get the heck out of here!!!! hopefully this doesnt scar me for life - it is hard to sit here and think that a person who you dedicated almost 3 years to is willing to pick a game over you:(
What really ticks me off is that every now and then, he says, “OK honey…my server’s doing repairs tonight so I can’t play”. And I’m supposed to jump up and down like a happy puppy because I get one night in seven to spend with my husband????? He acts like he’s doing me a FAVOR and that I should appreciate this, when what I want is for him to WANT to spend time with me over the game. He says I’m jealous and he’s so right. I shouldn’t have to compete with a stupid game to spend some quality time with my husband.
I say AMEN to that sister!!!!!!!!! I have to admit that since I have joined all the groups I could find on the internet, he has improved somewhat. I am trying to stay calm and meet him halfway since it seems like right now he is trying to meet me halfway. Although I have asked him to wash those dishes all day…………………………………….
Ok, I respect the fact that my boyfriend of a lil over two years has a hobby, it could be worse he could be addicted to strip bars. But it’s getting to the point where his days off of work are devoted to WOW. When I am with him and his friends all I hear his them talking about WOW and I’ve tried to be respectful and get into it and learn why it’s so addicting but I can’t see it. How can you sit on you ass for 11 hours to gain what a pouch for your weapons?? Are you serious? And when i try to explain to him that I feel like WOW is above me on his list of priorities he doesn’t understand. I don’t want to make him choose, I want him to still play but what do I do to make him cut down on the hours and hours he plays?!? Please help!!!
There is no other place on earth i would rather be then in the arms of my fiance…unless he is wearing headphones, then he can go F#*K himself!
Where’s my rum…
I know how you feel. My husband is addicted to WoW. Our one year anniversary is coming up in 3 weeks and he doesn’t want to go anywhere for it because he won’t get to play. I feel so neglected, and he even turns me down for sex because he’d rather play the game. The game is actually tearing our marriage apart because I have to take care of everything. I feel more like the mother of a 13-year-old boy than the wife of a 27-year-old man.
Im a full time student in college, i have a part time job that i schedule my hours which wont affect raids, and i try to spend time with my g/f but its hard b/c we have a complety different schedules. she is alos in college, She hates this game so much. I tell her that this is my hobby and she should get her own hobby and stop hating the game and me for playing it. were not married, we dont have kids, but when we get to that point i know the game is going on hold.
i’ve been with my boyfriend for more than over 4 yrs. a few months ago, i found out that he’s been txt msging / calling this girl from his guild (sending
I don’t mind that my boyfriend plays the game, hell I even play a fair amount of time. What I am worried about is the fact that he spends hours upon hours talking to one particular girl. I know the girl’s in game name, should I confront her about it?
I am pretty sure that he may tell this girl that he loves her and those kinds of things. I just want to know if I am wasting my time in our relationship.
Please give me some advice on if i should talk to her or not. He doesnt say anything about it, and tells me I am over-reacting about how much he enjoys himself with her.
Help please
My advice would be to join the WOW Widows group in yahoo and read some of the posts about SO’s establishing relationships with online gals. I dont think ( I better not!!!!!) that I am experiencing this in my house; if i am it will be the straw that breaks this camels back!!!!
I often feel like I have a third child now, one thats 29 years old and addicted to a game. We have our ups and downs with it. today I am PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Aranna!! I know what you feel like, you don’t want to come off like the jealous crazy type but then again you dont want to get hurt. Has he lied to you before?? If you have a relationship where the trust hasn’t been broken and he has never lied to you then I think you should trust him on this> But if he has lied in the past then I say go for it, you have a right to follow your gut and you know what as long as you dont go crazy on this girl and just have a casual convo with her your not doing anything wrong. I wish you luck!!
Hey, well I did talk to her, but so far she hasnt had much to say. Seems pretty shocked to know he had a girlfriend, which I guess I would be too, but also makes me almost positive something is going on.
He wont talk though, I confronted him and so far he hasn’t said anything. Wait and see when I get home I guess. I’m pretty sure we are over, don’t think I can live with it anymore. I watched A current afair last night (in australia) and they did a segment on being addicted to the game. It might as well have been about him, it was exactly the way he acts and everything.
Hey Aranna,
Im in Australia too. Wished I had seen the ACA show. I might check out their website.
And I am no longer a wow widow due to my s/o emails with a member of the opposite sex in game.
Pitty ya can’t PM on this site…
This is the link to the segment for all that are interested.
My BF isn’t so happy that I talked to this other girl. I don’t think he realises how many people he has hurt doing this, I mean it probably didn’t even cross his mind that this girl (who obviously has feelings for him) might be hurt by the fact that he has been hiding a girlfriend all this time.
ONE QUESTIOn - who watched south park tonite??? Oh my goodness, he was laughing his ass off and I was holding back the tears. I hope that was an eye opener for some of these freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey all! I’m in Brisbane QLD. I’m getting married in 3 weeks to a warcraft addict and i am terrified! Mind you i have found other ways to spend my time then hang with my soon to be hubby. I guess i just live with it. He’s been gaming solid for 15 months.
I do wonder what its gonna be like if we have kids. That scares me a little.
I think this website is very therapeutic. It helps me to get the steam out.
I do feel for those who have lost the fight to win their partners time back. It is an addiction afterall.
I love my fiance and i want to marry him good with the bad and all. I just hate that game soooo much and wish he never found it but as you all know if it’s not this game, it would be another one just as bad. Let’s face it…we are with gamers