I was clicking through some new links, (mmmm, net freshness), when I happened upon yet another gaming web comic strip. Man … normally I don’t even bother reading those anymore.

To do a comic strip you need to be: A. funny, and B. a good artist, and most are C. neither.

I didn’t even get past the first strip, y’know to see if he was usually funny and a good artist, because his main character had the exact same name as this crazy fuck I knew in EverQuest-Classic. Let’s say his name was Venus, although it wasn’t, so don’t ask any Venuses you run across if they’re crazy fucks. (Even though they probably are, that would be rude.)

Now Venus, the character, was a half-elf chick, but Venus, the player, was a dude. (Ya, one of those shemales you’ve heard so much about.) Apparently it was Venus’ aim to roleplay a lesbian slut because he spent the latter portion of his EQ career trying to cyber the pants off of every pixelated female on the server.

At least he was carving out his own niche in the cyber game.

Venus bounced around from endgame guild to endgame guild, there were various rumors of it being an ebay toon, and I can personally verify that Venus had a nasty habit of getting his Planes of Power flags then guildquitting to join the next guild higher up on the EQ food chain.

(An aside for the cheap seats: In EQ, just because you paid for the additional content in an expansion pack didn’t mean you would have access to that content any time soon. Planes of Power — PoP — was a tiered expansion whereby your character had to complete various encounters — i.e. get flagged — to gain access to the next set. Evil genius.)

Eventually, Venus slept his way to the top, in a manner of speaking, and was guilded in the Uberest of Uber guilds. They were aware of his reputation, no doubt, but when a guild is starving for a particular class, ethics and standards can go to Hell. Once Venus was in the uberest, he had more time on his hands (heh), as his cybering antics began to get a lot of airplay in our own /guildchat and on the server boards as well.

One incident in particular unleashed a shitstorm on the boards, and that’s what got me chuckling this morning.

Venus had struck up a friendship with a (real) female in a rival guild, just a minor “hey, how ya doing” type thing … a relationship that any NORMAL person wouldn’t consider very close … and late one night, when all the guilds are finishing up their raids, he tried to press her into cyber service. Maybe some hawt lesbian cyber action, who knows. The (real) female declined, and declined, and declined, and eventually logged for the night after her guild’s raid was complete.

No big deal so far, has happened every day in every game around the world ever since that first cyber dude /tell “I’m touching myself” and the chick /reply “eww”.

The next night, Venus got started early with his cyber propositions, after all, maybe she was just rushed for time but otherwise was willing. Again, declined and declined and declined. Next night, Venus changed his approach and started sending her /tells with a simple “meow”, about every 30 minutes or so, “meow”.

Was he going for the obscure reference there? Was he breaking new cyber ground? Interesting technique at any rate.

He continued with the meows (and only meows) for a couple of days and the (real) chick finally had enough and complained to Venus’ guild leader. Through the gossip chain, we learned the GL’s response was something like, “err, what?” and then “what the hell am I going to do about that?” He had a talk with Venus anyways and probably hoped the whole thing would go away.

Days later, Venus was still meowing so the (real) chick took it to the server boards to complain and to ask if others had been similarly bothered by the crazy fuck. Goddamn, they all started popping out of the woodwork then; there were dozens of meow victims and they were plenty angry about it, too. We even had a few victims in our own guild, although our guildies had mastered the /ignore command long before, and had moved on with their lives.

Venus’ guildleader had to step in again and make apologies on his guild’s behalf, which I enjoyed witnessing a great deal. From what I heard, Venus playacted a NORMAL person for a few days, then relapsed into his meowing again. I do know that he was kicked out of the Uberest later that week and Venus, the character, was back on the ebay auction block soon thereafter.

Sadly, Venus version 2 (or was it 3?) was operated by a normal human with no feline proclivities. I imagine that was a hard rep to step into, even by ebay toon standards.

Think of all the catcalls. *rimshot*

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