So I Screenshot Him, Two Times Through the Heart

When Blizzard said they had redone the modeling for the ogres in game, they didn’t say anything about adding mansierres.

The Bro

We’re going to pretend we don’t notice how eager that hunter pet is to engage the ogre.

Another promised change, more emails in player mailboxes. Immersion donchaknow. I initially ignored that announcement but not anymore since my noob druid’s trainer and selected quest NPCs are stalking me with their pep talk emails.


Seriously WTF. And the trainer emails are far worse. “I’m so proud of you, Foton’sDruid! You’re doing just great!” I figure it’s only a matter of time before he sends me naked pics through the game mailbox.

I pity the noob human male priests.

Evening Gown Competition

The Evening Gown competition puts a lot of pressure on the contestants.

One night that was particularly lag-o-riffic, about five players arriving by griff in Thelsamar were stacked up waiting for the server to kick them off the griffs. A guildmate finally got kicked off and pulled his mount, but to everyone else, it looked like he was still on the griff, racing around town at griff speed.


We expect that any day now he’ll be banned for speed hacking with a griff.

You’d think after years and years in EverQuest that I would have learned not to train the group with large numbers of aggro ogres. Or at least I’d warn them. (Clickable thumbnail)


You’d be wrong.

Remember kids, don’t do what Foton does. Never train the group. Or if you do, blame the mystery player, that no one else saw, that ran past with the aggro then vanished. You might say something like “damn rogues” or “fucking farmers” or “game is bugged to hell” to make your story more believable, too.

3 thoughts on “So I Screenshot Him, Two Times Through the Heart

  1. That dwarf bastard never sent me baubles before — he’s been holding out! And I can promise that my rogue trainers never gave me ANY encouragement via email or otherwise. I was out there kicking ass and taking names and I got nary a word of encouragement or appreciation.

    This leads me to one conclusion: Nerf druids!

  2. Maybe you just didn’t get him the GOOD tender crab meats. You got him crab meats from those crabs that hang out where the elves dump all their chamberpots, or something.

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