News Update — DATELINE 4/1/05

I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting further details about the news of the day …

I can report that my furniture was intact! REPEATING … my furniture is intact.

There are 3 Pepsi cans that did not share a similar fate, however. Really. What is so damn attractive to a dog about 3 empty Pepsi cans? The world may never know.

In other news, I’m definitely going to Hell now … because I made light. (If you know what I mean, and I think you do.)

Summarizing … no one is surprised.

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