During my guild’s hiatus from Star Wars Galaxies, before WoW opened its beta doors to our unwashed masses, we enjoyed a blissful, yet brief, respite from our guild drama whores. Hard to believe, I know; maybe they went to bother people in their real lives or bother their previous guilds … who knows.
But I do know that they didn’t let up on the drama — somebody somewhere was the captive audience. Bet on it.
Our biggest drama whore — I call her Drama Whore Diva (DWD), as it truly suits her — has begun her latest, and possibly greatest performance. And when I say “greatest”, you know I don’t mean it’s enjoyable, right? I mean most ludicrous.
Since DWD seems to be pacing her performances as a trilogy, I’ll do the same. She has yet to premiere Act III, but I’m an old gamehag, so I know how this is going to end already. Badly.
Rewind a bit to when Warcraft announces the Final Stress Test and the soon-to-follow Open Beta. DWD announces she is quitting gaming because she needs to attend to real life obligations and the things in life that are most important, which is not gaming, but rather people … and she is a people person, so she will be taking care of those in her life that she loves, and that love her, and even though she loves us too … I’ll spare you the rest.
I’m insensitive. I thought: ‘what-fucking-ever.’ I also thought: ‘She’ll be back; the performance couldn’t possibly be over — I’m not that lucky.’
(Let me interrupt Act I to outline a little truism about online gaming: The real quitters rarely announce their plans to quit. They just leave and you almost never hear from them again. Game over.)
So, it was no surprise to me when DWD posted about her triumphant return to gaming! Just in case any of us missed the post, she logged onto TeamSpeak to inform us also! (May she get eaten alive by the Warcraft queue. It’s my only hope.)
A few days later, she told us about a few conditions she must impose on us to facilitate her return. (err why? Obviously, she’s assuming I care, but I will disavow her of that misunderstanding in Act II.)
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m insensitive and I don’t understand the special problems of a woman gaming in the 21st Century.
But here’s what I’m thinking … You ain’t heard nothing yet. Stay tuned.